Ah, the Oscars. The most glamorous night in Hollywood where the red carpet is rolled out and celebrities strut their stuff in designer gowns and tuxedos, all while trying not to trip over their own egos. It’s the event where actors, directors, and producers gather to pat each other on the back and remind the world that they’re the ones who make the magic happen. But let’s face it, in a world where TikTok influencers are more influential than some A-listers, the Oscars have become about as relevant as a VHS tape in a streaming age.

Sure, the Academy Awards may have once been the pinnacle of prestige, but now they feel more like a relic from a bygone era. It’s like watching your grandparents try to figure out how to use Snapchat – it’s kinda cute, but also painfully awkward. And let’s not forget the absurd amount of money that goes into campaigning for an Oscar nomination. It’s like a high school popularity contest, but instead of buying your way to the top with cool clothes and a flashy car, you do it with lavish parties and fancy gift bags.

Let’s start with the voting committee – the self-appointed gatekeepers of the film industry. These guys are supposed to be the experts, the ones with their finger on the pulse of the latest trends and movements in cinema. But instead, they’re like your grandpa who still thinks it’s cool to wear leisure suits.

The voting committee is stuck in a time warp, a black hole of nostalgia where they can’t seem to get with the times. It’s like they’re living in a parallel universe where the internet doesn’t exist and the only way to watch a Movie is on VHS. They’re so out of touch with reality that they make the old man from Up look like a social media influencer.

And what’s the result of this archaic mindset? A hivemind that only allows for one “correct” way of thinking. Heaven forbid a movie comes along that doesn’t fit into their narrow, outdated view of what cinema should be. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – it just doesn’t work.

Attention all aspiring Oscar-winning directors, it’s time to take notes on how to play the game. If you want to get that coveted golden statue, you better play it safe and not rock the boat. Gone are the days of taking risks or experimenting with new ideas. If you want to win an Oscar, you better stick to the tried and tested formula.

First, make a historical biopic, bonus points if it’s about an underdog fighting the system. Then, hire some A-list actors, preferably ones who have been nominated before. Don’t forget to sprinkle in some left-wing political views, so you can show off your “woke” credentials. And finally, throw in something slightly edgy, but nothing that’ll make grandma clutch her pearls.

It’s like the voting committee has a checklist of what they deem “Oscar-worthy” and if your movie doesn’t tick off all the boxes, you might as well give up now. Creativity? Innovation? Taking risks? Pfft, who needs that when you have a formula that has worked for decades?

So, if you want to win an Oscar, just remember – play it safe, stick to the formula, and don’t ruffle any feathers. And if all else fails, you can always hire a good publicist to campaign for you

And let’s talk about the movies that actually win. They’re all the same! It’s like Groundhog Day, but instead of reliving the same day over and over again, we’re watching the same movie win best picture every year. It’s always some stuffy, self-important film that nobody really cares about, except for the people who made it. And if you dare to suggest that maybe, just maybe, there are other films out there that are just as worthy of recognition, you’ll be met with a chorus of eye-rolls and dismissive snorts.

Remember when they snubbed “The Social Network”? That was the biggest injustice since well…basically, every Kubrick movie ever made that didn’t win best picture. It’s like the Oscars are actively trying to make the wrong decision. It’s like they have a dartboard with the names of all the good movies on it, and they just close their eyes and hope for the best.

And don’t even get me started on the politics of it all. It’s like the Oscars are more concerned with sending a message than actually rewarding talent. “Green Book” beating out “Roma”? “Crash” over “Brokeback Mountain”? Give me a break.

So, if you’re feeling frustrated with the Oscars, you’re not alone. It’s like a bad ex that you just can’t quit – you keep hoping that things will change, but deep down, you know they won’t. But hey, at least we have some great movies to watch that don’t need a golden statue to be recognized as masterpieces.

At this point, the Oscars are nothing more than a popularity contest. It’s not about recognizing great art; it’s about stroking egos and promoting the same old Hollywood politics. And honestly, who has time for that? We have real problems to deal with in this world. We have climate change, income inequality, and a global pandemic to worry about. The last thing we need is to waste our time watching a bunch of rich people pat each other on the back.

So, let’s all agree to move on and focus on things that actually matter. Like getting through the day without losing our minds. Or finding a way to make our voices heard in a world that often seems deaf to our concerns. Or maybe just watching “The Social Network” for the hundredth time and pretending that it won best picture. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.