Taylor Rue’s Love Is Blind journey may not have gone to plan, but she’s walking away from the experiment with a sense of gratitude and self-growth.

In the latest batch of episodes for the Netflix hit, fans got to watch as the three engaged couples finally met face to face and jetted off to Mexico for their mini honeymoon. But things were far from perfect for Taylor and fiancé Jared “JP” Pierce as they struggled to form a genuine connection after their awkward reveal, and ultimately called it quits.

“The very first time we saw each other, it was a little bit awkward, but I think we were both really, really nervous,” Taylor tells when things were headed south. “Yeah, we had dated for however long in the pods, but it was almost like we were having to start over again. So it was off, but I didn’t think much of it then.”

“But then once we got to Mexico and I had given it a few days…,” she adds, before her voice trails off.

In Mexico, conversation flow was a big issue for the pair, with Taylor expressing her desire for JP to speak more while JP was adamant that he didn’t want to feel pressure. This resulted in some very awkward moments between the engaged couple — something Taylor says she tried to immediately address.

“I had brought up talking on night one in Mexico, thinking that there would be a fix, but it honestly only got worse and I just felt like the version of JP that I had fallen in Love with was not there,” she explains. “That was so scary because I thought to myself, ‘I have to move home with this person. I’m supposed to marry this person and I don’t even know this person.’ So that scared me.”

Later, when Taylor confronted her fiancé about their major disconnect on screen, he finally admitted that he felt uncomfortable with her physical appearance at their reveal. “It felt like you were fake,” he said during their conversation in episode 6. “You had a caked-up face, fake eyelashes… you presented fake stuff.”

“When I first saw you, you had all this stuff on, I was like, ‘Well, is this gonna be an everyday thing? Am I gonna have to deal with this, you putting on a face?’ You’re literally putting on a totally different face, and I was like, ‘Well, that’s not really what I want,’” he said, before emphasizing his desire for her make-up free appearance. “I want this face.”

Taylor did not take kindly to his words and decided to take some space from JP before ultimately ending their engagement the next morning.

“I was like, ‘This is it. I have that feeling in my heart, and I don’t want to go through with it,’” she tells hitting her breaking point.

Addressing their conversation about her makeup, Taylor admits JP’s words were “hurtful,” but she ultimately used the exchange as growth moment.

“For a while after, I felt like I looked in the mirror differently,” she explains. “I thought to myself, ‘Did I have too much makeup on? Did I not?’ I went back and forth with myself for the longest time, but I just think I stay true to myself. I’m not going to let a comment hurt me that bad or get me down that bad. But I definitely thought about it for a while. It was hurtful, but we’re all good now.”

Crediting “time” for helping her get past that, Taylor adds, “I think time is what helps me get past most of my situations. And then just talking to my family about it. Honestly, it made me love myself more. I know what I’m willing to put up with now and I know what I’m willing to not put up with.”

While she didn’t walk away from the show with a husband, Taylor says she gained something even more valuable: clarity.

“I had a great experience regardless of what happened between JP. I feel like I learned how to date,” she says. “I was probably dating for the wrong reasons, and now I date with more intent. I dig deeper earlier on. I would go on five dates with somebody and be like, ‘Oh, I don’t even know who I’m dating.’ So now it’s, like, date one and two, I’m shooting them with those questions, asking them the tough questions. That’s probably the biggest takeaway from all of it.”

Episodes 1–7 of Love Is Blind season 5 are currently streaming on Netflix. The next batch of episodes will drop on Friday, Oct. 6.