During the many years I dedicated to building my plumbing company from a one-man operation to a multi-million-pound business, I encountered numerous outrageous employee excuses. One individual requested a whole week off because they claimed to have burnt their mouth on a ‘too hot’ sausage. Another employee wanted to stay home all day because their cat hadn’t drunk its milk. One memorable incident involved an employee refusing to come to work due to concerns about catching ‘bird flu’, despite the absence of any chicken coops on our premises. I even had someone demand paid time off to attend a lengthy birthday celebration for the local postman. It seems that all business owners have to deal with individuals who try to avoid work, such as the young man who frequently calls in with a mysterious illness on Monday mornings or the woman who makes frequent visits to the dentist to the point where you may wonder if she has any teeth left to fix.

However, nothing has benefited Britain’s work-shy individuals quite like the concept of the ‘male menopause’. Several councils, universities, corporations, police forces, and fire services in the country have created ‘protocols’ for this fictional condition, providing ‘guidance’ to employers on how to handle it. It is important to note that while the female menopause is a well-understood and genuine biological process, the Male Menopause simply does not exist, as acknowledged even by the NHS. Despite this, various organizations have come up with absurd advice for the ‘manopause,’ including providing portable fans to men to alleviate ‘hot flushes’ and granting sick pay to manage ‘symptoms.’ One union has even claimed that men face bullying because of the male menopause and sternly warns that employers have a ‘duty of care’ to protect men going through it, despite its nonexistence. I couldn’t help but laugh when I read about ‘manopausal’ firemen being allowed to swap shifts or work from home on an ad hoc basis if they had a rough night. Who knew that tough firemen could be such delicate individuals?

It is evident to me that the ‘male menopause’ is simply an excuse for lazy men of a certain age to get paid without doing any work. They are aided and abetted by HR departments that seem to spend more time devising ways for employees to avoid their responsibilities. Unfortunately, this mindset is consistent with the current work culture. Sometimes, I wonder if I could have achieved the same success if I had started my business in this era, considering how much the British work ethic has declined since I began in 1979.

Various public-sector organizations have implemented schemes that only exacerbate the issue. For example, a local council has reduced its staff’s workweek to four days while maintaining the same pay, even as customer satisfaction has dropped. Other organizations have introduced ‘mental health days’ during which employees can take time off to focus on their well-being. I fail to see what’s wrong with simply taking a holiday. Some organizations even offer ‘duvet days,’ allowing coddled employees to stay in bed if they don’t feel like coming to work. In other words, it’s just their way of bunking off.

All of this would be concerning enough if the economy was thriving, but that is not the case. Britain may not be the ‘sick man of Europe’ as it was in the 1970s, but we are not far from it either. Inflation remains high, bills are burdensome, and the tax burden is at its highest since World War II. The number of ‘economically inactive’ individuals who are not working and not actively seeking employment is nearing nine million, despite there being over one million job vacancies. Around two and a half million individuals are categorized as long-term sick and unable to work. Although many of them genuinely have health issues, this number has surged since the onset of Covid-19 and has increased by half a million since 2019. Examining the statistics reveals even more alarming trends. In 2019, official figures showed that 965,000 people were on long-term sick leave due to ‘depression, bad nerves, and anxiety.’ In just three years, this number has skyrocketed by a staggering 40% to 1.35 million.

While I believe that taking care of your staff leads to better performance, it seems that concepts like hard work and commitment have become almost sacrilegious words in today’s world. Yet, these are the words that drive a robust economy. They were the basis for my transformation from a young man with no qualifications who left school at 15 to the owner of a £50 million-per-year empire. Although I sold my business in 2021, during my final five years at the helm, I witnessed employees demanding to work from home or to switch to a four-day week while maintaining the same salary. Some office workers even suggested permanent ‘remote working’ akin to the young ‘digital nomads’ seen on social media who claim they can be just as efficient working on a beach with their laptops as in the office. I must say, they cannot.

My perspective is clear: if you want to work from a hammock, that’s fine, but it won’t be for my company. If you wish to ‘work from home,’ be my guest, but don’t expect to be paid for it. If you’re absent from work due to illness for more than two days, I expect to see a genuine doctor’s note. Furthermore, we might call you at home on your day off if the business requires it. You are not obligated to answer the phone, but keep in mind that we tend to reward and promote those who go the extra mile. Unfortunately, it seems that nowadays, too many people are more interested in securing a sun lounger or an electric fan to alleviate the imaginary symptoms of their ‘male menopause’ than in putting in an honest day’s work. Ultimately, this is disastrous for Britain’s economic future. As I have always said, if you prioritize woke culture, you will quickly go broke.

Charlie Mullins OBE is generously donating his fee for this article to the Shooting Star Children’s Hospice.

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