Everyday I struggle to have the will to live.



She felt like her world was crushing down, she was alone faced with what seemed like the end of the world. She cut her wrists and bled to death.

His strong personality and even arrogance had everyone assuming that he could handle anything. When he died in his friend's arms after ingesting rat poison, many questioned his manhood...

A real man doesn't take his own life!

To jump off a building whilst soaring with the birds of the air is the best way to end the shame...

He was a champion for offering comfort and strength to others, little did anyone realise that he had his own pain to deal with.

These are the untold stories of suicide. To many, you are a coward to take your own life. Those of faith seal the condemnation of one's soul to eternal torment in hell. While to others, ending it all is the most courageous step any human being could ever take. These are perceptions yet no one ever considers what goes through the mind of a suicidal individual.

We all know someone who committed suicide or attempted suicide. Some are scarred by witnessing blood marks, frothy mouths from lifeless bodies or watching someone dangling like a swing. This is the aftermath of a cry for help too late. Often suicidal individuals give off warning signs but most people around them choose to ignore them. In black communities, particularly in African societies, suicidal individuals are considered 'spoilt', 'attention seeking' or just plain annoying. In a situation like economic woes, an individual's failure to cope is responded with, 'Get a grip, everyone is going through it!' During times of grief, one is told to move on, you can't revive the dead, so get over it. In more desperate situations, some individuals find themselves isolated with only the company of their thoughts.

Suicide is defined as the act of deliberately killing oneself. The most common method of suicide is by hanging and poisoning. Other forms include firearms, cutting, drowning, drug overdose and jumping off elevated platforms i.e. buildings and bridges. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), suicide is the second leading cause of death amongst young people between the ages of 15 to 29. Annually, one million people are estimated to die by suicide. Several thousands attempt committing suicide.

Furthermore, 79% of global suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries. Some major causes of suicide include mental illnesses, stress, financial problems, relationship break-ups, family drama, grief and negative prognosis of diseases such as cancer, HIV etc. Many societies take trauma lightly and underestimate individuals coping mechanisms. Often suicidal individuals are in a cycle of self loathe, isolation, despair prior to the trigger leading to killing themselves. Others due to mental illnesses, impulsively and even spontaneously commit suicide.

In popular culture suicide is a very familiar territory. Fans of celebrities and public figures constantly hear news of their idols taking their own lives. I remember how Linkin Park's lead singer, Chester Benington's death hit hard. During my adolescence due to grief and social awkwardness, I was parasuicidal. I was depressed and isolated, ridiculed and shunned by relatives and peers. My only safe haven was music. Linkin Park was one of the top rock bands at the time and the music spoke to me. Chester Benington sang my angst - I felt heard, I wasn't alone. So imagine when news broke that he committed suicide and the confusion felt. He was a family man, with a legion of adoring fans. As part of an award winning and successful band, we assume that his bank balance was healthy. So what drove this man to take his own life? Often there are speculations and the only one who could give a real answer was Chester himself. But Chester isn't the only famous person who died at his own hands. Throughout history writers, musicians, painters, politicians and even religious leaders have taken their own lives.

In an age where social media sets the standards for human living it's easy to miss out on the signs. Someone can post a photo of themselves enjoying a glass of wine and the next minute they are gone. Others do share their struggles but due to stigma, they might be trolled for attention seeking or seeking clout. People only wake up when RIP messages are appearing on their timelines. We take people's struggles for granted. We condescend upon people's pain and trauma. We are militant and cruel towards mental illnesses.

Anybody loved the television series, Being Mary Jane? I did. And the show touched on the subject of suicide on several episodes. The protagonist, Mary Jane Paul's friend Terrence McGee commits suicide. He was a successful black man in corporate America. Another African American man in the same series, Brian Ellis commits suicide by a firearm. Brian Ellis was a married father of two working in corporate America. This opened up the discussion of how the pressures of being a black man in the USA increased the suicide rates. This also highlighted the cultural aspect of dealing with mental health and suicide in black communities. Later in season three, Mary Jane's estranged best friend, Lisa, commits suicide through overdosing on pills. Lisa throughout the show struggled with low self esteem and depression. Although a successful doctor, she was single and lonely. She also had challenges with her friendships further isolating her. At Lisa's funeral, Mary Jane highlights that Lisa's pain stemmed from childhood molestation by Lisa's stepfather.

This is an example of television and film trying to bring to light the subject of suicide. Sometimes the awareness is raised in the right light whilst in other circumstances, it's glorified for the wrong reasons. But few realise that suicide is contagious. In chapter seven of Michael Gladwell's, 'The Tipping Point', he discusses suicide as an epidemic. As discussed in a previous post, celebrities who glamourise mental illnesses have created a 'sad' subculture. In almost the same manner, pop culture sometimes gives suicide that Jim Jones' mass suicide effect. In this particular chapter, Gladwell assessed how suicide was viral amongst young males in Micronesia in the 1960s. The pattern was that the young men killed themselves over failed relationships. They all died by hanging.

"The central observation of those who study suicide is that, in some places and under some circumstances, the act of one person taking his or her own life can be contagious. Suicides lead to suicides."

For those in vulnerable positions, when someone else commits suicide due to life's challenges, it becomes their answer. This is why at times a certain place like a building, bridge or river can become a black spot for suicide. The reason behind the suicide and the method may act as a trigger for the next victim. This also applies through media and pop culture. If a character in a TV show or film has a relatable issue and commits suicide, that may trigger a vulnerable person. This applies to lyrics in music and as pointed out earlier, the death of a famous person. If someone that famous, succesful and probably rich can take their own life, what more mere me who has nothing to show for? Gladwell shares a research conducted by sociologist David Phillips, that stated that the act of suicide by a famous person gives 'permission' to another person to take their own life. The bottom line is, suicide seems to continue to increase because it's an 'attractive' way out.

What goes on in the mind of a suicidal individual? It starts with pain caused by different life situations. The individual reaches out for help from peers, family or professional counselors. If they receive a temporary solution yet still feel the pain, they seek alternative  outlets. These may include alcohol dependency, drugs, relationships, food, shopping, gambling and even work. This is a method of numbing the pain and ignoring dealing with issues. Most of these coping mechanisms have negative effects that often increase the emotional pain. This leads to further depression, anxiety, aggression and isolation. The individual will contemplate suicide but a temporary 'fix' might hinder the actual act. They might even reach out to other people for support. But a new crisis might occur accompanied by PTSD. The individual will act out as a cry for help. If they feel neglected, the idea of suicide returns. This time it's premeditated and they choose the method to check out of life. While the thought of possibly hurting loved ones through their action might run through their mind, death is the best way to deal with one's inner demons. No amount of 'I love you' or reassurance, 'It's going to be okay' can compare to the torment of the 'pain'. It's time to roll out the camera for the final scene of this thing called 'life.' The mind is made up - some may choose to leave notes, whilst others would rather remain silent to the end. It takes that one final straw to have that noose around one's neck, a gun barrel in the mouth, a full meal of pills or that blade within one's reach. And then it's over.

There are four types of suicide including the actual act, attempted suicide, parasuicide and passive suicide. Attempted suicide is often an unsuccessful suicide. However, this is a warning sign that should never be ignored. Once you realise that someone tried to take their own life it's imperative to get them the help that they need. Parasuicide is often common amongst young people. It's characterised by acts of wanting to die. These include cutting, hypochondriac behaviour and even extreme alcoholism. I like to call it the 'cry for help during a slow death'. In the instance of cutting, one is communicating that they need help. If ignored those cuts will not just be resolved by a blood transfusion. Ironically, the most common type of suicide though unbeknown to many is passive suicide. Passive suicide is the thought or utterance of the need to die. Many people participate in passive suicide when they say, "I just want to die." This is taken lightly as a reaction to an immediate disappointment, tragedy or conflict. However,  there's power in words, hence this should  be taken as seriously as any other form mentioned above.

With the statistics and analysis how do we as individuals, or society prevent suicide? By openly talking about it as a major health problem. Societies need to change their attitude towards suicide. Suicide is a complex issue that requires education to remove stigma around it. It's much entwined with mental health. We need more qualified, emotionally intelligent counselors and mental health practitioners. Families need to listen to one another and be more involved in each other's lives. Tolerance and acceptance need to be practiced so as to create safe spaces and open dialogue.

We can't afford losing lives over issues such as unplanned pregnancies, sexual orientation, race, abuse and bullying. People cope with life in different ways, at different intervals and that's what we need to be sensitive towards. It's time to rebuild the brokeness in individuals and communities. This won't happen overnight, however, we can start by allowing ourselves to be safe spaces for troubled individuals.

Suicides can be prevented through awareness of suicide behaviour. Early detection and treatment of mental health and substance disorders also assists in suicide prevention. Creation of safe spaces and support groups for grief, divorce, unemployment etc helps in dealing with triggers. Schools and work places need to bring in therapists, counselors and spiritual advisers who assist with individual wellness within those spaces.

In some instances, reducing access to alcohol, drugs, poisons, firearms,and certain medications can reduce the method of suicide.  However, offering individuals a will to live and practical solutions to their situations is the first step towards healing. Allowing individuals to admit to their pain and trauma can assist counselors to offer suitable treatment. It’s important to be mindful of offering individual solutions, and treatments rather than generic assistance. Mental health practitioners loved ones need to make follow up on individuals who attempted suicide and provide community support.

The above mentioned prevention methods sound easy on paper, but require commitment in practice. An individual's inner circle need to comprehend that they are often the immediate trigger of a suicide victim's demise. Their lack of compassion, and attention often isolate their loved ones. Conversations amongst family members and peers isn't just about saying, 'Let's talk'. The conversation begins with trust, good listening skills and empathy.   We cannot fight unjust systems that cause economic crisis, racism, xenophobia etc alone, but we can go through those challenges with a firm support system within the inner circle. Vulnerable people need reassurance that they are not alone during their trials. Traumatised victims need to be encouraged that they can overcome the pain through the healing process.

We all need hope!

This article is personal and dedicated to all those tortured souls and silent voices whose story was never told. This is for the individuals who struggle to wake up with hope and a zest for life. When you have been through hell, the will to live is hard to ignite.

This is education to a society that continues to ignore statistics. A society that allows 'loved' ones to be a statistical reminder of a world that doesn't care, in the words of UB40.

Each and every one of us is responsible for the life of another human being.

We are all responsible for that suicide victim...don't let their last breath be the outcome of your ignorance.

Let's begin the healing and save lives; even our very own.