It's raining cats and dogs and a gloomy day for me, mentally and emotionally down at the moment. So, maybe for today I'll just have to scribble some thoughts for free writing, going with the flow as I feel it.
It seems I'm under the weather today. I'm a traveling PT the entire day and I'm glad I pulled it off safely feeling literally the Monday blues, the rain that never want to stop, and my mind that wanders elsewhere. Thank God, I arrived home safe tonight, with my shoes dripping with water, and myself half soaked in the rain because I have completely forgotten my umbrella in the patient's house while I let it dry on their patio. If only the housemaid didn't fold it, then maybe I would remember. So, that's what happened if I'm under the weather and my neurons aren't up and well.
Well, I've seen this person in the mall's food court sitting comfortably on the floor, perhaps sleeping or thinking, I don't know. I let him be. I realized that this man might be feeling a bit sad and blue too. However, I envy him because he was almost lying on the floor doing nothing else than conforming to what he was feeling. I Hope I could do that too today, but NO. I have to get up, move, wear that motivated look and vibe, then pretend that everything is all right.
Right now, actually, I am upset. I just feel a bit suffocated, not with the Face mask and face shield I am wearing almost 10 hours a day, but with life and everything. I'm just tired. I think, I had a home run with reality. This pandemic, my future plans, family, responsibilities, work and all are suffocating me emotionally. Last night, I cry it out to the Lord. I've read some verses about His faithfulness, I was comforted as I sleep, but, today I'm back in my shackles. My shoulders are heavy, my mind is clouded, and honestly wearing a long face. I was working and pretending to be okay, for my patients to feel at ease with me too. That's how we SHOULD be at work. I'm glad that on this platform, I can be real.
Real people do pretend sometimes to deal with life's challenges. It can be irritating sometimes, but this is how it should be. The other night I had a confrontation with my youngest sister and my mom sided with her telling me to drop the topic, when I just tried to advise her that she should be serious in looking for a job again because this pandemic will stay for long. And, I am concerned about her lifestyle nowadays, she's very sedentary for a year now! Unfortunately, I was nagged to mind my own business, well, I just hope that I could do the same if she get sick from what she's doing. In this situation, I can't pretend to be dumb, I know a sedentary lifestyle would do no good, so I have to speak out. I'm just stating facts.
"Open rebuke is better than secret love." - Proverbs 27: 5
Facts can hurt us, but if we accept them with an open mind, then perhaps it would give us an imperative call for something better. I understand, that our emotions can go wild when confronted, however, I hope that they will understand that I'm just worried about how long she should be living idle. In my free writing article last week, I have mentioned about our youngest joining noise.cash. I am hoping that she could at least earn, get out for a walk and find inspiration on what to post, etc. Unfortunately, she finds it boring and still loves to do what she's doing - doing nothing productive at all.
All in all, I got bummed and my mind wanders unsteadily into confusion, fear, doubts, frustration and disappointments, triggered by that simple confrontation. This is just me and my melancholic/ choleric temperament, I guess, getting a hold on me.. Or maybe I'm just thinking a lot??
Lots of thanks to everyone again for reading! I tried the challenge of connecting the last word of every paragraph to the next, and I think I made it! lol!
