I've had a bit of a blogging shutdown of late, partly linked to changing web platforms and the associated hassle, and partly because we are now officially on the Leaving Bangkok countdown!

A Big Decision

We've always know that living in Thailand was probably going to be quite a fixed term situation. Chris was on a 2 year assignment and although there was every chance this would be extended and we kept open minds about the future, the end would inevitably creep up on us.

But we did ultimately have to make a decision to go back. And making that decision is not easy! There's the obvious FOMO feeling, exacerbated for us because we're technically leaving earlier than planned. For a long time I refused to consider cutting this short, as if once I leave Thailand I would never leave the house again!

In my head I could hear people saying 'Why would you ever want to come back here?' as if I've totally wasted the opportunity. Obviously the people saying this would probably be those that rarely leave the town they were born in!

No Right or Wrong

I have found myself trying to determine whether it is the 'right' decision. Trying to rationalise why I might not want to remain in Thailand long term whilst other expats feel like they never want to leave.

On the face of it seems difficult to explain why I would want to give up this lifestyle. But although I enjoy the entertainment opportunities that Bangkok has to offer, the extra time that is afforded by inexpensive domestic help, and the plethora of idyllic holiday destinations on the doorstep, I can't help feeling that this is all a bit shallow and unrealistic as a long term way of living.

We also elected not to discuss our potential relocation openly with anyone, even though it's been mooted for 6 months or more! You don't want to get your family's hopes up and it's annoying enough not knowing yourself without them asking what's happening constantly! Although keeping quiet is equally as exhausting.

Reality Bites

So, once the decision is made, it's then necessary to face up to the reality of leaving. And this is also very weird! It seems when you make a life in another country for even just 18 months, you start to forget what life was like before you moved. It's like your whole focus has been directed to this new life and making that work, so everything before seems incredibly hazy. Day to day I don't feel like I live in some exotic, faraway country. I guess time breeds familiarity? Sometimes I genuinely think to myself - ' Oh wow I live in Thailand' as if I've forgotten the fact. So I'm struggling to get my head around the fact that everything will soon change again.

And then don't get me started on the emotional turmoil that comes with leaving friends and work colleagues in Thailand! I am not good with goodbyes at all. Whilst I put every ounce of my being into not crying publicly, I've been in floods of tears on the drive home when I've previously left jobs. Saying goodbye to people here when there is every chance that I will never see them again is heartbreaking.

Genuine Thai Kindness

But although leaving Thailand is very sad, I have been simply over-whelmed with the kindness that people have shown me. After the initial shock passed and also people realised that I wasn't leaving because I hated Thailand, I now have many invitations from friends to enjoy 'final' experiences in Thailand. This is going to include camping in Khao Yai and also another adventure weekend in Chanthaburi wherever that is! And we'll also have a few farewell dinners and lunches thrown in so I can fill up on Thai food. Even the lady who's taking over from me at work wants to take me to a wildlife park and I met her 1 week ago.

It doesn't look like Thailand is going to make this easy for me!