I remember watching the music video of the song on Myx back in High School and feeling drawn to it because of its somber tone. Christian Bautista is known for his ballad hits, mainly love songs. But this one was different. This was a sad song.

Back then I’d only focus on the melody of a song, without understanding the real message of it. But now, with all of the experiences I've accumulated, I see  it in a different light. It is still a sad breakup song, don't get me wrong.  Good thing, you don't need to experience a breakup to connect to it. All you need is to be a human---a breathing, living, loving human.

The song conveys with simplicity and depth the nuances of human resiliency. I’m not here to glorify human resiliency, but to share a personal experience which I believe is a collective one.

The months leading to my mother’s death were the darkest, most suffocating months of my life. I was in poor shape, physically and mentally. I never might have thought of it back then, but I am certain now that I was losing grip of my Mental Health. The hospital where my mother was confined became a prison. The more I stayed in it, the more my mental health deteriorated. But even back then, I was oblivious to the SOS signals sent by my own brain from my own head to my own body. I was left without a choice. My mother needed me. And even when I was at home, my thoughts  would still keep vigil next to my mother.

After my mother’s death, I felt the weight of those months lifted off my shoulders. I felt relieved, and then guilty for feeling relieved.

I do believe we have to give credit to ourselves after surviving a tumultuous period in our life. Because most of the time—due to our belief and culture—we attribute our surviving to a higher being.

I respect whatever religion you subscribe to, but I can’t stress this enough: You are the reason why you’re still here. Why, after seemingly drowning in your own tears, you were able to swim through your sorrows,  found a floatation device to cling to, and eventually, a dry land. It has been your decision---or lack thereof---all along that led you to where you are now: here. 

That is why the song resonates more to me now than ever.

It reminds me of the strength I have that helped me power through those bleak moments. I wouldn’t have discovered such resiliency if it weren’t for my own weakness---my own humanity. Hadn’t I been engulfed in such darkness, I wouldn’t discover the spark in me. And If I have survived such "fall," I know in the future when I need it the most, I’ll find the parts of me that make me invincible, like muscle memory.