Do you see that guy in the top? That guy is a guy who took a photo after he went through a lot. Before and after that, this same guy has been through a lot. This guy is me, and this photo was at my prime. The bottom though paints a different picture and was taken a bit before that.
In this photo, I am trying to smile, but this guy has been through Alot. This photo was taken over 4 years ago, and between then and now (as well as the last 8 years) tells a story that hits the nail for alot of men out there. In this photo is a guy who was not eating, on the verge of developing anorexia nervosa and constantly upset, vomiting, or having stomach problems.
Many people would wonder what would make a guy be on the verge of such underlying health problems. Why would he constantly lose weight? Why would he have such sadness in his eyes? After recovering, why 4 years later, is he still going through stuff, and why is this even being talked about?
As disturbing as these visuals are, or the story underlining them, I thought as a man, I should share my story, so hopefully others learn from it as well. What comes into mind when hearing the words, “Men rights’ activist”? In this day of age, alot of times, variations of disgust and toxicity are surrounded by these terms. We have been preconditioned as a society to believe that men don’t have feelings, don’t have emotions, or even worse, that men don’t get abused.
Many times, we are taught that we should just be tough and bottle everything in. We are taught that our feelings don’t matter. My story is that of many other guys out there. I’m just a normal guy (well, on the autism spectrum), who had very low confidence and self-esteem and ending up talking to some very narcissistic women.
Now don’t get me wrong, most women are amazing and wonderful, and even some of the women who abused me probably had amazing qualities in them. I enabled this to happen, but this isn’t my fault. However, when you are nearly on the verge of losing yourself, you know you went too far. While everybody has good in them, some people have the capacity for too much evil, and some people should have been let go far earlier.
I have known alot of women, from a variety of different backgrounds and cultures in all my years here on this earth. I had alot of different experiences and lessons learned. However, with many of these experiences, alot of my stories revolved around what happened to a guy with low confidence who became a mirror for people to take out all their anger at.
My experience with weight loss for example, revolved around a woman who done things like lovebombing me (being kind and affectionate) to unexplainably bitter, and doing things such as pointing for me to walk to the corner and degrading me. There used to be times where she would gag when I walked by or start impulsively arguing with me in public. Her family told me that all she would talk about was wanting to get rid of me. When I would leave, she would always come back to me.
I didn’t know what to do, and it took me almost blacking out, her going away, and alot of people involved, before this situation was over. One time I remember talking to an adult in the Church about how I can make her feel better, or work things out with her, and he couldn’t hold back the tears hearing my situation. It was brutal.
After this situation was over with, I had many different close encounters. Some of these encounters involved me almost being ran over, people pretending to walk away while I talked to them, me being put down because of a lack of inept social abilities, and people spreading rumors about me throughout my church and local communities.
One of the more painful things is when people would trigger panic attacks in me and laugh when I had problems breathing.
Most of the time, in reality, I was just a guy who at the very least wanted to be left alone and at the very most wanted to feel loved.
Even up until few days ago, I have had very close encounters. After a while of being treated the way I was in my own community, I wanted to expand my horizons a bit and visit a few churches to meet some new people. Don’t get me wrong, I would always go to my church and my church services and make it evidently very clear who I am. However, the reason I tried this was because I wanted to see what type of people exist outside of whom I met at uni and whom I met at the church.
My idea was to visit an Albanian Church because Albania had a sizeable Egyptian minority, and on a whim from something my dentist told me. I also planned to visit some Armenian Orthodox, Ethiopian, Syriac, etc. and other churches. I wanted to meet many new people.
The first time I visited the Albanian church, it was filled with some of the nicest people whom I ever met. They were very kind, and one of the nuns there seemed to be a really kindhearted person. The place had a very conservative, family-oriented feel.
The second time I visited however, I saw this person who I used to know. I sat next to her family, and she smiled at me. I was getting social anxiety however, and when the service was over and I just tried saying hi, she saw I was a bit shy and told her family not the best things about me. Her brother ended up yelling at me and told me to leave multiple times out of nowhere in front of her, and her parents. It was degrading and demoralizing, and an extreme-ended reaction to somebody just saying hello.
From one perspective, I get their point. Anybody who looks nervous, or shy and depressed can seem troublesome. However, there is a humane way to treat others. After experiencing the experiences that I experienced, I have known the look of somebody who sees someone as less then human. I have experienced that look before, and these were what I saw when I looked into their eyes.
Don’t get me wrong, Albanians are amazing people. Many Albanians were martyred, experienced the horrors of communism, and the stories of the 38 martyrs of Albania were also quite inspiring. Albanians have a beautiful culture, and are a beautiful people, and I love them alot. However, after this experience, it will be exceedingly difficult for me to step foot in any Albanian church anytime soon, even if an Albanian I knew or friend was to invite me.
However, the somber reality of what has happened, made me realize how much more I need to work on myself. Having been a guy who went through years of hurt, pain, emotional abuse, sicknesses, and seeing enough is enough, I wanted to start a one-year journey.
This one-year journey is a single year, up until November 21st, 2023, where I focus primarily on myself and not on a relationship. Essentially, one year where I strive to work towards the better version of myself while at the same time ignoring the pursuit of asking out women. This way, during that one-year journey I become more confident and grow as a person.
So why this article? I want to help many men out there not experience what I went through. Also, for the men that are actively experiencing or living what I am going through, they need lots of help too.
Many times, we end up acting like this guy:
Tal Bachman — She’s So High (Official Video) — YouTube
However, the reality is, the woman in this video is incredibly flawed. She is running around town, making a child float, acting all sorts of crazy. He doesn’t realize this because he is busy putting her on a pedestal like she is the best person in the world. Most of the time women don’t want to be on a pedestal, they just want you to be on their level and try understanding them. When you give all your attention to the wrong person, and lack self-esteem, you can end up being put in a bad situation.
I Survived: The Case of Alex Skeel and his abusive girlfriend (FULL HD) — YouTube
The reality is, there are many things that can happen to a guy who doesn’t know when to end a toxic situation. For me, I didn’t know when to end it, but just got lucky. For others, not so much.
Break Up & Heartbroken | Motivational Video (Jocko Willink Motivation) — YouTube
She is actually the selfish, self-centered person that cares about herself first and doesn’t care about you. That is the reality. ~ Jacko Willink
After all that happened, videos like these, and listening to the ethics behind stoic philosophy have really helped me going. For those who are pursuing the wrong person right now, they have to be careful. Lots of times, we let things go to avoid conflict.
However, many people have the capacity for great evil. When you keep letting things go, inch by inch, you end up allowing a person to push their limits inch by inch. You aren’t entitled to respect, but you are entitled to your own self-respect and dignity. I never look at it as the fault of the abused, but it is at your end to take a step back and make that difference. You are made in the image and likeness of God. You have meaning, you have a purpose. At the end of the tunnel, things can get better.
Lastly, I want you to know, I am not a licensed psychiatrist or trained to give a more direct form of advice. However, if you are going through something extremely serious or life-threatening, there are places to reach out for more immediate help.
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800–799–7233
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
Teen’s Mental Health Line: 800–852–8336
Help Guide: HelpGuide.org
Also, keep in mind there are tons of places to get help. You can talk to a priest, a friend, a counselor, and even see many support groups. You are special, and you do have meaning.
