For years I have walked around like beauty didn’t apply to me, you cursed me with the words you spoke and broke every bit of confidence I had left. The worst part is that I blame you for everything that had happened because of course, it’s easier to blame the world instead of bruising your own heart with the truth that you’ve ignored for so long.

‘Don’t go there’ but I went anyway, it slapped me in the face, I had it coming.

Don’t get your hopes up when it comes to trusting in the words that come out of a humans mouth. It hurts when promises don’t stay promises, or simple ‘I call you backs’ turn into nothing and ‘I love you’s’ that vanish. But what hurts most is when we’re told not to trust in man but take refuge in God, and we just. Don’t. Listen

Psalm 118:8: “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.”

Neither am I this perfect person who (always) follows up on everything that she says, and that also hurts. What is the point of saying ‘I promise’ when the obvious thing that you’re thinking about before you even said those words is; ‘this is never going to happen.’

I took some time to reflect on these thoughts and words we quickly speak before actual thinking.

Jeremiah 17:5-1: “Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” Like the partridge that gathers a brood that she did not hatch, so is he who gets riches but not by justice; in the midst of his days they will leave him, and at his end he will be a fool. A glorious throne set on high from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.”

It’s not always them, it starts with you.

Overwhelmed by reality, burying myself with what the world is telling me. The words I heard became louder, I couldn’t hear my own thoughts; I wanted to cry out and hear the silence. She cried to her mother, but she was long gone. She kept screaming with tears rolling from her cheeks, I. Don’t. Know. The boy next door was all alone, he was trying to survive on his own. And he did so, for so long.

The reality is that our “big” problems that (seem to) bring the world to an end, cannot compare to the faces who have never seen daylight, or the stomachs that are filled with emptiness.

I took some time to reflect on these thoughts and words we quickly speak before actual thinking.

Matthew 19:21: “Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

Forget about your “world ending” problems and think about those in actual need. Because it’s not about us, but those in actual need.

xo, Gely