Before I start

I want to ask all of you who show any interest to send me topics to talk about, ask me anything you want to hear my opinion on, challenges in any form of writing, new music to review or any ideas regarding my blog. I want to try new things this year and get out of my comfort zone as much as I can. Challenge me.

Back to the topic of this week’s blog – What is happiness and what is success? Those two questions started intriguing me more and more after a totally random conversation with a person, who I do not know well, but I got heavily inspired by.  I was taken aback by the random question “But what does it mean to be happy, really?” and by the thoughts that followed in the person’s thinking out loud session.

It made me think and I want to challenge you too. What makes you happy? I am highly interested to know your thoughts and opinion so please comment them or send me a message on Facebook or Instagram. People are the best inspiration and I am sure we can find it in each other.

I will start off with the conclusion I made and have always known, but often forgot. I believe each person defines happiness in a completely different way and it strongly depends on the values the person holds. The happiness for me might be absolutely senseless for you and the opposite. But the important thing is – we should be the people who define our own happiness, not the standards of society, not what other people tell us it means to be happy.

The reason I am writing this post is exactly because I am well aware what happiness is, determined by my own values and personal convictions, but I often forget that, caught up in the “typical flow” of life. I simply forget to enjoy the things that fill my soul and heart with joy and strive for something that doesn’t really fulfill me wondering why I am unhappy. I promised myself to never allow this again and I advise you to do the same.

Happiness?

There are countless definitions of the term. Different sciences and cultures, just like different people in general, give happiness various forms. For example – in terms of psychology, happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being which means you can be happy by doing things that bring you positive emotions and lower your stress levels. Sounds reliable, doesn’t it?

When it comes to science there is a complete formula for happiness – just make sure to get enough Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins and you are ready to go.

Speaking of Dopamine

Sorry I just couldn’t

For philosophers, on the other hand,  happiness is not an emotion. They define it as “living a good life and flourishing” (yes, I did check that). A lot of people do believe that happiness means having a good job, keeping a healthy lifestyle, getting enough money and possessing lots of material things. And sometimes it really is. It all depends on the values of the given person and the things that trully affect his/her mind and heart. And there is nothing wrong with that.

What does happiness mean?

People always forget that human happiness is a disposition of mind, not a condition of circumstances.

-John Locke

This really started in a completely random way – I was in a car with a person I do not know well, but I got really inspired by his determination, will to succeed and hard work. A person who started his own business and kept growing until he reached international market. A person who has been caring for his body and regularly keeping a diet and workout routine since he was fourteen (he is 45 now). A successful person. One that knows what he wants and works for it nonstop. If this is not inspiring I don’t know what is. However…

This questions popped up all of a sudden and he asked me directly – “But what does it mean to be happy, really?”

After the question, he started thinking out loud and told me this story. I will quote, at least the way I remember it.

Why are some people happier than others? What is the true definition of happiness, I don’t get it. You know, I was recently talking to my cousin. She lives in Palermo with her soon to be husband. If you don’t know Palermo is a city with high standards, it is really expensive to live there. She isn’t really successful, I don’t see it that way – she is working an average job and living in a 2 room rented apartment with her fiancé, they don’t even have a car, they use bikes. Their income is not big, just enough to survive and yet she tells me with all her pride – “I haven’t been happier.” Good for her, huh?

On the other hand, my colleague – a 46-year-old millionaire – has a huge business, which ensures the good life of generations after him, several cars, apartments, and villas. If I ask him if I can borrow one million tomorrow he will hand it to me, just like that. And yesterday he comes to me and says – “I need to start taking some medicine, I am so stressed recently, I’m getting depressed I think. I have so many problems to worry about, I don’t know if I can handle it all.” Do you see my point?

He is the definition of success – he climbed up from the bottom and earned everything. And he dares to tell me – “I am not happy”.

What I say to all of them is – it’s all in your head. Happiness is a state of mind, you define it and strive for it. I’ve always thought that success, money, and power make you happy. It doesn’t. Unless this is how your values are structured, but this is not always the case. We shouldn’t confuse happiness with successs, they do not always overlap.

So success is not always equal to happiness.

The way I see it, his point was to not confuse your own idea of happiness with the stereotypical definition which society has integrated into us. We need to find what makes us truly happy and try to achieve it. The story is a good reminder that it’s true. Make your own definition and go for it.

In his story, his cousin is foucsed on being happy (or at least that’s how I see it) – she knows what brings her peace, lowers her stress levels and makes her dopamine levels explode. And she does exactly that, not worrying about anything else.

His colleague, on the other hand, has set his eyes on success and only that. He has achieved it, but this doesn’t seem to be the thing that makes him happy at all. Perhaps, by being so focused on his success he forgot the activites,people, or expereinces that made him smile from his heart and filled his mind with positivity.

What I am trying to say is to be careful and always remeber those things that make us smile, make us be at ease and simply being happy in our minds and souls. What is the point of being successful if it won’t make us happy? 

What is happiness for me?

At some point, I was also convinced that success will make me feel joy, but the more I strive to achieve “success”,  the worse it got.

I was not successful at any point, but I have experienced pure happiness.

And I have to say for me personally, happiness is not in the material things (as I thought at one point and constantly tried to satisfy my materialism), it is in my surroundings, my mindset and view on things and most importantly in my relationship with others. I found happiness in the simplest things (as cliche as it sounds) and here are a few brief examples to illustrate it:

• A simple or deep conversation with a smart person
• Seeing the person I love smile genuinely
• Having a quick run at 6.00 on a summer morning
• Staying in silence and watching the night sky with a soul mate
• Knowing I have a strong relationship with the people who are close to me
• Being appreciated

The list can go on and on, but you get my point. Simple things like hearing about the day of a person I love, going for a walk in a place that brings me peace or just enjoying my hobbies is enough to fill my heart.  And that’s what I want to go for, the true happiness. Success is great and I do feel amazing when I achieve something. And for some people this is absolutely enough and there is nothing wrong with it.

However, I cannot enjoy success if I lack the other small things that make me internally happy. I might be on top of the world, but if there is no one to share my accomplishment with, if that special person is not here to tell me about his/her struggle and day, if I cannot balance the hard work that led to my prosperity with a good book or a quick run in the park, this accomplishment means nothing. Success will come eventually, but this does not guarantee anything. And losing happiness because of the attempt to succeed can completely destroy one’s mindset. Trust me. I had to find this out by learning the hard way and wondering for months why I feel like I don’t wanna live anymore. Losing those simple things almost resulted in a mental breakdown.

But this is my personal mindeset, I do not think there is a right or wrong way of being successful or happy. So find your own and make it.

So, to end this blog, after you know what happiness is – What makes you truly happy?