I don’t know how it happened so quickly.

It is all still a blur. That day I cried the hardest cry ever in my life, I felt a cleanse to my spirit. Like a crown chakra opening up.

I’ve been feeling much more older mentally & spiritually. I am only at 22 years of age, but I felt a spiritual significance in me becoming that age in the year of 2020.

2020….22….hmmm.

Maybe it was due to me smoking consistently to maintain my mental health. Is this what was meant to happen when I weed smoked all by myself?

I….felt ashamed to even admit that it is what I’ve been doing. As if I was doing something wrong by smoking. Since the world makes it seem like being a weed smoker is a horrible thing. Or have the nerve to label it as a drug when it was never that.

It….helped me. It helped me foreshadow my life. I saw dangerous revelations on what I could really be. I saw my own fate in the way I could have went about situations in life.

I found myself meditating & self reflecting like never before.

I walked with my created mantra: “Faith”, “Will”, “Courage” for the past 3 years. I felt I bestowed that inside of rings. A fool’s way of thinking because those are words that require you to enter a spiritual test. Not to assume that the rings alone are what grant that by wearing them. If they are not present on you, do you still carry it? Will you still remember if you are far away from them? Even if they are lost or stolen?

To another person, they’ll just look at them as rings to flex on their fingers. To me, they served a purpose to remind me what I stand for.

I can now explain the true tests I faced to have those words embedded in my soul.

“Can I become successful without a college degree?”

“Am I destined to succeed?”

It was all answered overtime….

His name is Butters….

I create my own artwork as a testimony to how gaming has been my true passion since I’ve been a child & how it saved my life during the hellish year of 2020.

All this time I went about my life as if I needed to have a degree to be successful. When in actuality, I have been making my own version of success through grit & determination for what I believe in. I am self-employed, something most people in the world do not have the luxury to be. That was his answer to me. You self employ to be successful without it.

I didn’t just start all of this. I have been doing this for three years already. I am only now just saying something about it to finally grant confidence to my spirit. I feel my spiritual tests have all been completed. I never thought I would ever say this in my life, but I have never felt the most satisfied ever with everything I have done. I open everything & leave it on the table for any love & support for what I do.

I guess this was how the phoenix in me would arise. Just by having the ability to finally not allow people to shoot down my confidence with toxic words. All I ever wanted to be was successful, so if I found my way, then leave me to it. I am only young with so many years ahead of me, so I think after all the pain I’ve released from my trauma, I deserve my shot. Not to mention so many doubt my skin to ever be good at something, but all the things I’ve done have been self made.

The blog, the stream, the content, everything. And in the end, I always remember how important family truly is as they’ve always been in my corner. Even when I almost swore they would never be.

That is because I was silent for too long. So that is my own fault for ever thinking that. The Devil had a grip on me for quite some time, but unfortunately like they always say “he is nothing but a liar”.

The biggest lie I would ever tell myself is:

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

God knew everything that was, & I still would lie after giving my life to him.

But I read “Revelations” when it was finally time for me to understand how the Lord works.

It doesn’t matter what his strongest form is, he will ALWAYS fall to the almighty.

I am sorry.