I wish this was a bad dream. But it’s not. Part of me says this will pass eventually because Hell, it has to right? Another part of me says this was just an intermission because hell, that bond we created, the words we shared, can’t have possibly been for nought.

Or were you just a lesson, and not for life?

There’s got to be a surprise ending/restart in the script somewhere.. I saw it in him, it’s got to be there. I saw it, I felt it, Its got to be there. he’ll Wake up… he’ll realize… he’ll fight harder than I ever did before… he’ll defy all odds and climb those mountains…he’ll be the cure.

he’ll work to reshape this, erase this, rebuild this and it’ll be better than it was before… bc isn’t that what happens when a man says what he said? Feels what he felt? Sees what God had in store?

For us…

or maybe not for us…

they face me, wanting less of this and more of what’s best for me. Protectorates of what you left. Glue in their hands from taking turns patching up your gift. The eyes, the stares, the thoughts, they’re all looking with their arms crossed. Stepping up to the challenge, I fought, you ran. You were to me the epitome of a man. For my happy ending I couldn’t care less about what others think or see. Apple of my eye, captor of my soul, you had the ability to make me feel whole …..

and also empty.

But then there’d be pressures… to prove. To be something better, that was something you weren’t ready for. I called on my inner self to strengthen me. To be strong for you if I needed to be. Rock hard shell… but fragility you couldn’t see…

And beneath it all lies …. hope.

Is it lies or is it hope?

You say you don’t know how to grow… I say “but you must”, how does a man who yearns for love not know how to trust?

Foolish perhaps or maybe that needle in the haystack.  That one, the secret, the key to being who we were meant to be. The one who tests your limits as you test me.

The being who takes your soul and reshapes it, gives it back to you anew. A version of you unseen, greater than you ever knew –

you could become…. the one I hand my heart and soul to,

you rebuild me, you breathe life, you bring honor. You become the son and the father – for me. Eternity of unity. Making believers of all who doubt. Strength and resilience unmatched until we patched

…this up

…for good.

But everything will be beautiful again. When I wake up. Jill Scott lyrics play in my mind. I find my peace sometimes. And sometimes I revert – I hurt. I think about how it feels to be loved and lost. But I consider the cost, and it’s life. Without risks it’s worthless, it has no price but for the right one I’d share it all. Because I can’t win if I don’t play. And I don’t play for my crown to fall.

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