When it first came out that I had Depression (like 2 years ago now) its so different than you could imagine. I honestly thought it would be like when you break your arm or leg and everyone comes over and sympathies with you, but instead that ran as fast as they could away. Immediately they assumed i was a complete nutcase just from saying i had a Mental Illness. but one of the things i heard most is "this is just a phase it will pass over".
No I am not just sad Im depressed.
My depression is not something that is visible. If you saw me walking down the street you would never believed I had a mental illness. I look happy, content, laughing. But there's more going inside of me than you know. Im vulnerable, im tired, im fed up. Im frustrated. Im....
Two years later and Im still stuck in the black hole named Depression. Every morning its the same thing wake up thinking why did i even wake up, force myself to eat and drink because i feel to mentally and physically drained too, go be 'sociable' and put on a brave face and answering yes everytime people ask if im okay. Saying you went to bed late to your friends when your sat there barely able to keep your eyes awake. when i cry you expect me to be okay the next day, for me to be golden and know that everything is okay. I take longer getting up of a morning because I have to tell myself I worth even getting up. People thought i was just super sad.
No I am not just sad Im depressed.
But here's the thing im not, depression is just something that majorly messes with your brain, i now take antidepressants each day just to get by and even then the world just seems black. I cry inside thinking everyone hates me, that im fat, that im useless. that i shouldn't be alive. sadness disappears but depression dosent. Yes someday I have the capacity to be able to get up and face life and have the most amazing times. i do the same things any other humans can, but i just take it all slower. I take the time to stop and breathe when i can't. Mabye you can always keep going but i cant and i have no shame in admitting that. Depression has given me the worst days of my life and they are ones i know that won't go away but they are my past. mental illness is something that may always stick with me but ive also had the best days. ive had days where ive felt like im invisible and that i can take on the world. but I've chosen for it not define me as much as other people plaster a label of me. I chose to start to get help to challenge myself to the most i can.
My depression is not something that is visible. If you saw me walking down the street you would never believed I had a mental illness. I look happy, content, laughing. But there's more going inside of me than you know. Im vulnerable, im tired, im fed up. Im frustrated. Im....
Im just as human as you are but im just more fragile than you are, please go easy on me and not think the worst of me when i say i have a mental illness.
