Now I'm not a superstitious person and I never really have been. But Honestly this year has been confusing my brain on so many different levels and I don't know what to believe anymore. On February 7th 2016 I turned 13 everyone kept on saying "oh 13 the bad luck year" I never believed it. But as my year went on  started to slowly believe what everyone was saying. Now more has happened this year than any other year in my life I honestly don't know where to start.


I'm just going to start at the beginning last year my sister got accepted to go to university in the U.S which seemed great, well it is great. But after a few months of her being gone I started falling into a deep depression. I started to avoid any contact with anyone hiding from the outside world I would sit in my room and just cry for hours and of course I kept it all to myself. I then developed anxiety from getting into a car, presenting in front of my class or even being alone I would break down and start having an anxiety attack. After a while I just started giving up. I went from a 95% average to a 63% average in just a matter of months.


Around March/April I started getting really bad stomach pains to the point where I couldn't move I was on the ground in extreme pain I had been to the Emergency Room multiple times and to the doctors I was a medical mystery no one knew what was wrong with me and insisted it was all in my head. But I knew something was wrong after months of this on going pain, missing school and not being able to get up because of the pain. When I finally got into my doctor he referred me to Gynecology at The hospital for sick children . When we finally got an appointment I was terrified to go in of course I wanted to know what was wrong but I also didn't want it to be anything too serious. The doctor said that she wasn't sure what it was but she was going to put me on trial medication for endometriosis. Now I wasn't the happiest about going on medication but at that time I was willing to try anything that would get me through the pain.


While all that was going on my depression was getting worse and worse by the day. My life was slowly sinking. But then one day I just hit an all time low. In September my depression got to the worst its ever been. I got to a point where I was plastering a smile on my face and faking a laugh. One night I was going to end it all I was hopeless had no reason to hold on. On that night I starting self harming. Looking back on it now I don't know why I did it this continued on for multiple weeks.



One day as I was getting ready for gym two of my friends walked in and saw my scars. They started freaking out asking me questions and getting all over me (or so I thought at the time). I panicked and ran into the gym. The next day I got called into the principles office and the guidance councilor asked to see my wrists I was terrified. I immediately went into having a panic attack  . She checked my wrists and called my parents. I broke my parents heart that day I don't think I have ever seen my Dad so freaked out. We went to the hospital and They admitted me and I went to go and see a psychologist weekly . I didn't feel as if I was getting any better so I requested to see the doctor that doctor then put me on anti-depressants.


Going back to my stomach I wasn't feeling any pain all was fine. Until I randomly got a shock of pain and after that I basically lived on the bathroom floor for 2 weeks. The Gynecologist sent me for 2 MRI's both with contrast during both I was feeling extremely claustrophobic so I thought it was normal that I felt faint. After the 1st MRI I was okay just extremely nauseous but right after the 2nd I started feeling really faint and nauseous. I went to school the next day feeling really weird and as I was getting ready for gym I fainted. I couldn't keep anything down not even water so my body was extremely dehydrated. My parents brought me into the E.R they hooked me up on fluid and that was the end of it.


I was doing fine so I decided I would try without telling anyone to go off my medication. I went off them missing 8 days when I had realized what I had done I thought I needed to catch up so I took all 8 at the same time . Now after I did that I felt so stupid I went into a panic mode I ran down to talk to my Dad as I was balling my eyes out. My mom called poison control and they said to hang up and call 9-1-1. So when the ambulance arrived they brought me to the hospital and I was admitted. I got lecture after lecture about how I can't do that. But honestly I understood that as soon as I did it. I just needed someone to understand what I was going through.


I don't know what  my 14th year will be like but hopefully better than this. I am thankful that I have a loving family and If I can get through this so can you.


Remember The light is bright at the end of the tunnel.


Want advice send questions to:
[email protected]

xoxo Anonymous Autumn