Hey there! Hope you’re doing fantastic!
I just wanted to share with you a little thing I wrote early last year, that I found last night and I think it’s pretty funny.
“Has anyone ever had cold pizza the morning after ordering it? Yep, you’ve been there. If you haven’t, uh, well, what are you doing with your life? Anyway, what about getting approximately 0 hours and 10 minutes of sleep because you didn’t do a school project? Mhh yeah you’ve been there.
So with shame, with regret and with excessive previous experience…
I awkwardly welcome you to The Stages Of Procrastination.
- False Security
Ok. So I’ve been assigned my project, which is due in 2 weeks’ time. I immediately sit back and think, “This isn’t due for a while! I’m gonna relax!” But, that is the first trap I’ve fallen into. And let me tell you, 2 weeks goes by faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics.
- Laziness
I eventually start thinking about getting a headstart on this project. Like, it’s a week and a half away! But I really don’t wanna, like, walk down to the shops and buy supplies right now because I’m still catching up on sleep from the last project they gave me, so…
This leads to
- Excuses
The project is due in a weeks’ time today. I think I should get started. But right in this present moment, I am trying to finish 2 romance novels and memorise the lyrics to every song on Lemonade. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to get my personal interests in Formation before that project sets foot into my life.
- Denial
4 days until deadline.
I don’t need sleep.
I don’t need social media
I don’t need hygiene
But I need these marks.
And I still have time, don’t I?
Do I have to say anymore?
5. DISASTER
Ok, so I’ve got about 5 hours of sleep that I can sacrifice for this project. I haven’t had anything to drink but coffee after coffee and my emotional state is similar to when Kim Kardashian lost her diamond earring in the ocean, and my teacher’s like, “People are dying, Kim.”
Honestly, Twenty One Pilots wrote a song about me, it’s called Stressed Out, and you should buy it on iTunes because that money is the funding for me build a rocketship and fly far, far away from this deadline.
- Relief
It’s done. I hand it to my teacher with the biggest smile on my face. They just stare at me as if to say, “What is wrong with that child?”
They pace the front of the room and calmly state that the projects will be marked that night.
I then wait patiently but eagerly for the results, hoping that an extensive bibliography and 2 pages of photos are enough to slay this whole marking criteria.
- Regret
The teacher hands us our projects faced up. They stop in front of me and look me up and down. My project is handed to me faced down and I’m like “Ok, maybe the other students will get jealous, because I HAVE all the marks available.”
I turn over the paper, confident that I got this.
The bottle of water I bought today was $1.50. My current tuition is worth $1500. But the look on my face, when I saw that fat, red 0, on that exact paper that I had put 3 hours’ work into, was priceless.
All I can say, is that, I’m literally not going to care about walking in the middle of traffic if I ever make it to Uni. Just like, hit me, I don’t care, pay my tuition. I need it. Immensely.
Honestly, Tumblr inspiration quotes are the only thing keeping me motivated at this point in time. If this is you,
Here are my top 3.
- You thought about succeeding. It’s the thought that counts.
Oh, I love this one.
- Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can. Not garbage cannot.
This one is my all-time favourite.
- If Miley can make it through 2013, I can make it through today.
Hang in there, fellow disappointments. Hang in there.”
Is there an ocean in here or am I drowning in CRINGE? Let me know what you think. Is it funny? Relatable? Is it just me?
Have a lovely day, all the love,
Kylee xox
