Some days are hard genuinely, for whatever reason we feel anxious and petrified.
Sometimes the things don't feel important enough to feel that way yet you certainly do feel so.
As though something is stuck in your throat and a heimlich maneuver is in order,
As though things will never keep you Sane again.
You mumble to yourself this will pass,
This is temporary, you will survive,
Your life has meaning although you may not be completely certain what it is.
You breathe deep breaths, you clean incessantly, mop mop , Broom broom, wipe this fold that, wash this dry that and so on.
You have survived many such feelings,
Being Prepared keeps you sane but well somethings in life cannot be prepared for.
And again you go back to that well of self doubt , fear and confusion from which you came only to come back up.
Afraid but unready to admit defeat.
Self belief evades you, you blame yourself for everything that ever goes wrong,
Maybe you could have done this differently,
Maybe that should not have been told,
Maybe you should have tried harder, maybe you should have seen it coming and on and on and on.
Honestly all that any of us can do is do the best with the limited knowledge we have.
Criticizing yourself beyond a point is self sabotaging.
Negative thoughts they say are detrimental they say,
Somedays I wonder yes I know that but how do I make it stop,
I've felt this way for a long long time and circumstances aren't helping either.
I hope to find the answer soon or at least a common ground with the voices in my head.
I hope I achieve that.
