Zoning has become a culture. Guys get Zoned, ladies get zoned. Some of these zones can be heartbreaking, others, well guys don’t mind. Most times, you won’t even have attempted shooting your shots before you’re zoned (in the DMs). Frustrating much but well, there’s a way out…or maybe not. Let’s review this together.



Friend zone

This is the most common kind of zone. “We’re just friends, Tobi”. “I don’t want our friendship to be ruined by something more”, “You’re more important to me as a friend than a boyfriend”, if you have been told any of these or something similar, my friend, you have been zoned. Forget it you are not the number one man, you are a number two, or three, or four (if she has side niggas). In this situation, trust me, you come after the side dudes. If you have asked a girl out and eventually, Y'all become ‘best friends’, do not rename it; you are still in the friend zone.

How to get out of this one? Well someone might say, “I will get really close to her so when she breaks up with her man she would come running to me”. What I have to say is, you are wasting your time. Tell her you like her, if she says no, move on. Don’t wait around my guy, she’s not the finest, hottest or most intelligent babe. She may just not be yours. Don’t lie down at the door of a babe you know won’t open the door for you. If you choose to remain stubborn, good luck.



Dick zone

Like the name implies, this zone is for those that take bookings for dick appointments; I hail you. They are only called for servicing and after that, nothing. You are neither the boyfriend nor the side dude, which I’m sure most in this zone have no problem with.

How to get out? I laugh in Spanish. I can mentally hear the uncles in this category screaming to be left alone. Most in this zone don’t want out, and who am I to suggest a way out. Let me retreat in victory…unto the next.

Finance Zone (Money mugu)

While guys in the friend zone are there for mental support, those in this category are in for financial support. Just because you like a babe, when she tells you to send money you immediately credit her account. When she’s broke it’s you she calls. You purchase all the expensive shit for her and that’s where it all ends. The only thing you have from her is her account number, and probably a kiss on the forehead that makes you think you’re getting there. You aren’t getting anywhere.

The only reason you are not out of this zone is because you don’t want to be…or you just like to waste money. Very soon what you would be running out of is money darling, and the babe? Well she would be running out of your life. Just don’t come complaining to us about how someone duped you, you duped yourself.



The brother zone

“He’s like a brother to me”, “Oh, that’s my elder bro”…hi, welcome to the brother zone. This zone I must say is worse than the friend zone. There is no hope for you. None. If you are family now that means you are under no condition, to be considered as a potential boyfriend, or sexual partner.

I’m sorry to break it to you but there is no getting out of this one. Just…*sigh*…forget it.

Zoned In The DM

This is common among guys who are not creative enough when sliding into Dms. How do you say ‘what’s up’ to someone whose real name you don’t even know? What is she supposed to tell you? Seriously? “Hey”, “sup”, “Hello pretty”, are major turn offs. If you’re not creative, you may just be asked to slide back out. Not all conversations have to start with “Hey” or “hi”. Guys, its not an anthem.



Be smooth. If you faltered the first time you slide in, let creativity be your oil the next time. Before you message, know what you want to get from the conversation ( if you’re intelligent enough to get into one), study the miss you’re shooting your shot at (her page, posts among other things). Through this you get to know a little, enough to construct intelligent questions to ask and have a conversation that may possibly interest the lady. Before you know it, you become the class captain, and then a graduate, and …maybe, the CEO.

Nude Zone

It might not make a lot of sense to you now but reason it. There are actually guys who are stuck with nudes, just nudes. That’s all they get. Booty pictures and none of the good stuff. They are also the ones that send dick pictures constantly, without being asked…are you not ashamed? 😒🙄

Just say no, really. What’s the point in seeing what you can’t touch and letting someone play mind games with you? That’s all you may be getting so why not declare what your interest lies in before it’s too late.

Seriously, you have to be confident enough to know and say what you want from someone to actually get it. Worst case scenario is you get a ‘no’. No one is going to beat you up for expressing your feelings-intelligently. But, the bitter truth is,