Maybe I should have mentioned this before. I have a therapist. I didn't mean to get one it happened totally by accident. It is of course, all Susan's fault. Therapy was another one of Susan's great features suggestions that I agreed to do after failing to think it through following one of our daytime telephone conversations.

I went a couple of times and wrote about it and that was almost six months ago, I've been going a couple of times a month ever since. I mean there isn't anything wrong with me, well you know in so much as there isn't anything wrong with anyone, but I have to say that I have rather come to enjoy therapy.

Funny thing is I was the last person in the world you would think would end up with a therapist. I was the regular cynic and debunker number one who would totally belittle and deride anyone who mentioned the subject. It just seemed pointless.

But having been I have to say that I kind of like having someone to talk to who isn't a friend and is quite disconnected from my life. Laura and I talk, but it isn't just talk it's the kind of talk we have - or I guess I should say, I have as I am the one who does most of the talking.

Today we're talking about Susan or rather Susan seems to be the subject I am talking to Laura about today. I always say to people after I've seen Laura that we always ending up talking about subjects that I don't necessarily want to spend time talking about. It's the same today. I blame Adam.

I didn't actually want to spend time talking about Susan, but she is on my mind after that call from Adam.

"What about Adam? How do you feel about that?"
"How do I feel? I love that question, have I ever told you that?"
Laura nods, and in her even and relaxed tone, she tells me in quite the most serious of tones.

"Yes you have."

I nod at this, that's right I have told her once or twice before. With Laura its like nothing ever get dismissed, she parries my poor wit and sarcasm and dispatches it all with a lance constructed of a few words.

"Well I guess if I'm being honest: unspeakably awful pretty much sums it up. Not good, right?"

Of course Laura doesn't answer the question she doesn't pass qualitative judgement on whether it's good or bad (after all that isn't her job) and besides she really doesn't need to.

"Why is that Gordon?" she asks me.

Oh, yeah, my therapist is one of the few people (Larissa being another) who actually call me by my full name. I mean I don't mind this, I happen to be on okay terms with it. It's just that just about everyone else that I know in the world has taken it upon themselves to shorten by name giving rise to a number of variations most of which you have already heard.

"Well Adam says he plans to ask Susan out."
"Why does that bother you?"
"Susan can't go out with Adam."
"Can't? Why would that be a problem?"
"Susan is my friend."
"And?"
"Well I introduced Susan to Adam who is also my friend."
"And?"
"And, well, it would all be a little strange if she was sleeping with Adam. But it's not a problem as I know she'll say no."
"You seem quite certain of that. Why is that?"
"Oh absolutely. I'm positive. I mean I just know."
"This seems to be quite important to you."
"I wouldn't say important."
"What would you say?"
"Okay, I suppose important.
"What if she says yes?"
"I'm not sure."
"Did Adam ask you if you had any intentions?"
"Everyone keeps asking me and I keep telling them."
"What do they keep asking you Gordon?"
"They keep asking me if I want to go out with Susan," I tell Laura.
"And do you?"

I find myself looking towards the floor when Laura says this before exclaiming, "No," and raising my hands in the air to drive my answer home.

"Really? You don't seem quite sure."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Why do you think that is?"
This is a new tact, "What do you mean?"
"I mean why don't you want to go out with Susan. I think it would be good for us to understand this. It's obviously important to you."
"It's not that important to me," I say.
"But you wanted to talk about it today."

This is true. It's just that I wish people would stop talking about it. I serious I really do.

"True," I say, "it just came up a little lately."
"I see. So tell me Gordon why don't you want to go out with Susan? Is she unattractive?"

I pause at this point. I have to be really careful as I always do with the truth when I'm with Laura. I don't mean careful as in holding things back, but careful in what I say is actually what I mean. I'm sort of superstitious - you know in a catholic way or something - I'm worried that any lies I tell will come back to haunt me in the next...therapy session.

"No definitely not. Susan has a perfect bob."
"You like her hair?" Laura asks.

Whoa that isn't what I meant and I did in no way shape or form say that I liked her hair.

"I guess, I mean her hair is okay."

Laura nods at this.

"What else? Is she slim?"

I think about this carefully, okay, as a statement that is also true, so I nod.

"Yeah she is, nice figure."
"I asked you if she was slim?"
See what I mean? This always happens to me, I start to slip up.

"That's what I said.
"No you, said she was attractive, which is not entirely the same thing."
"I meant to say slim."
"Tell me something else about her."
"Something else? She has big brown eyes."
"You like her eyes?"

There she goes again changing the meaning of things.

"You could say she had nice eyes, I mean if you were operating purely on an empirical level, they're definitely one of her best features."
"What level are you on Gordon?"
"Me? Very practical."
"She's a brunette as well isn't she?"

That just has to be just a wild guess.

"She is, yeah, did I tell you that already?"
"Not as such," Laura says coolly, "I think what you said was that you had a life long attraction towards women who were brunettes, but it had not quite worked out for you."
"I said that?"

I talk way too much and have far too many glib moments.

"Yes you did. I think it came up when we were talking about Larissa and vomiting."
"Now you mention it..."
"I think I'm right in saying that, aren't I?" Laura asks.
I nod, "Yeah, I think you might be."
"Would overall you say that Susan was attractive?"
"I think it would be fair to say impartially speaking, on a neutral and objectively level, and that, yes, Susan is attractive."
"I see. And intelligent?"
I nod, "Very smart with a razor sharp wit, but you know I think sometimes she can be a little too sharp, you know, in that there's a razor blade in the post for being so sharp, kind of way?"
"I'm not sure that I do."
"Not to worry, I'm not entirely sure that's going to catch on as a popular catchphrase."
"On paper," and Laura looks up from her pad when she says this, "she seems perfect. Maybe we should look again at why you think she is unsuitable."
"I don't know. I mean I do, but..."
"Gordon you just said you don't know?"
"I know, but that's just a verbal tic. Susan is my friend that's what it is. Seriously. I mean I have thought about this a lot and that is what it comes down to. I think you should be able to have friends, you know like that."
"Do you think the two are mutually exclusive?"
"What being friends and being something else?"
"Yes," says Laura, "if that is how your prefer to put it."
"No, I guess they don't have to be. Errr...but I'm not sure that's really the point."
"What do you think the point is Gordon?"

And like when she always does when Laura uses my name it is in the same gentle, soothing and yet probing manner.

I cross my arms, "I don't know, I guess I just like it the way it is."
Laura nods, "I think that's all we have time for."