Five months later

It's like a conference and I swear that just about anyone who is anyone is here. Somehow, and please don't ask me as I really don't know, I seem to have been elected conference organiser/chairman/the guy everyone shakes hands with and slaps on the back, which is odd as that is just not me. I'm not the organiser guy on any level not at parties or gatherings and certainly on occasions like this. I’m a run of the mill mingler or wall leaner type guy at best with very few organisational skills. I need to find out who is in charge of administration – there's definitely been an error.

Alison's mother and her father are both here, as you might expect, but her older sister, an aunt and at least one surly teenage cousin are also here. The cousin is definitely here under duress. He’s not looking happy, just staring blankly into his Gameboy. Wait a minute, what am I talking about, that’s just a natural teenage state. Maybe I should give him a pep talk. A pep talk, will you listen to me? I’m not pep talk guy this whole situation is going to my head.

Most bizarre of all, and by a long shot, is my mother. I mean what’s that about? When she strolled in she told me that Alison's mother had given her a lift as if that explained everything in a perfectly satisfactory manner. Nobody said this was a spectator sport.

First of all I thought that it couldn't actually 'be' my mother, but that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I tried to convince myself that as this figure (looking like my mother) approached it was in fact some doppelganger. I mean they say everyone has one. And to me that made more sense than my mother turning up as really what on earth would she be doing here? Unless it was in fact, as earlier postulated, a little known spectator sport.

"Mother what are you doing here?"
"Ruth gave me a lift."
"Ruth?"
"Alison's mother, Gordon, surely you remember."
"Of course I do, I know what Alison's mother is called. But what are you doing here?"
"What a silly question, it’s a big day, everyone's here."
"It's a bid day? What kind of answer is that?"
"A big day, I thought I should be here."

Sara and Johnny are here as well although Johnny has no idea why.

"Moral support."
"Moral support?"
"I know, it struck me as weird as well."
"Well why did you come?"
"I don’t know, Sara wanted to come."
"I don't understand, it's like it’s a spectator sport."
"I know, pretty weird when really no one is going to do any spectating."
"True."
"Apart from you."
"Yeah, how did that happen?"
"You’re the man of the moment dude."
"I know, but how did that happen. I'm not man of the moment guy."
"You know, you don't strike me as man of the moment guy either, but you are Alison's best friend."
"I know, but Paul should be here."
"Or maybe not."
"Yeah, maybe not, I've thought about calling him and trying to track him down."
"Too late for that Gordo. This is your hour."
"But I don't want an hour, I've never wanted one. When I saw the careers officer at school, I told him that. No hours. This is definitely a mistake."
"Well maybe this will prove a pivotal moment for you."
"Pivotal schmivotal."
"That's the spirit, besides, Sara seems to think its a real laugh, you that is."
"You know, I think I was definitely adopted, there is no way we can be related."
"She thinks you'll faint."
"Why are you telling me this."
"You won't faint."
"Are you sure? I think there'll be blood."
"True, well try not to be faint. It'll be embarrassing. People will talk and your sister will never let you forget it."
"Oh boy."

Larissa Snowe is here as well, but that's understandable she had a pivotal role in driving Alison here with me in the passenger seat.

No one ever said it would be this big, that there would be so many people, I've never even seen it packed like this even on TV. Don't people have lives – their own lives that is, as opposed to other people's lives.

But you know what worries me most? It's Alison's mother. She keeps talking to me like I'm a member of the family and giving the impression that I had something to do with all of this. I think I should come out and state the obvious and tell Alison's mother "You know I had nothing to do with this right not a thing, nothing?", but I don't. She also seems to have given the aging aunt the wrong idea. Every time I see her she keeps congratulating me.

"Well done young man."
"But I didn't do anything."
"Of course not."
"No, I really didn't."
"You young people."
"But..."

She just smiles at me and congratulations. This is of course very weird, so I just smile and try to be non-committal, but I think instead of being vague I might have instead have given her the impression that it was all a piece of cake, which is of course entirely wrong as there was definitely no cake involved.

I’m not a hospital guy. I keep looking around hoping to catch someone’s eye half expecting them to give me the nod or something and admit that there’s been a mistake, but it doesn’t happen instead Alison just squeezes my hand harder and I try to keep smiling, which to be honest despite all of my bluster I’m able to do with ease as I’m feeling pretty giddy and I really can’t fight it. That’s something else I never saw myself as, Mr Giddy.

Alison has a grip of iron. It feels like every muscle in her body, bar the other ones that she kind of needs right now, is being channelled through her hand, but that’s okay. Did I forget to mention that I’m in the delivery room and everything is going on around me as all the expectant friends gather? Expectant friends? Is that even a phrase?

I’m in the delivery room holding Alison’s hand. This is it, Alison is having a baby and there isn’t any going back and there isn’t any Paul. There’s just the two of us and I’m not totally sure what I’m doing here. Did I mention that? I kept thinking Paul would come back, but then time started to get really short. First we had three months to go and then there were two months and just one and suddenly we are talking weeks and still no Paul. We were down to days and still no Paul. Hours and still no Paul, minutes and still no Paul, and the truth is there is just no Paul. I mean he isn’t going to come back.

I then started to obsess about Alison giving birth. I wasn’t manic or anything, but I just worried and I wondered if she wanted someone there and what it would be like on her own. As I guess what we’ve all tried to do is make damn sure that if one thing and one thing only is true Alison is not on her own and I don’t know if it worked, but we tried.

This could be taking that a little too far, but in the end I just had to ask her. I mean I’d been crashing at Alison’s a bit just helping out, just sitting around again like we used to do and keeping her company. It wasn’t just me there were lots of friends around, but I just hadn’t bargained for being around to the extent that I am now as I watch baby’s head eased slowly out of her mother. Her mother? Weird. My friend Alison is a mother and I am holding her hand.

It was Alison’s mother who said it first. I think it was part of her general campaign to appropriate me for the all-purpose male role in the forth-coming birth of her grand child.

"I suppose you’ll want to be there?"
"Be there?"
"Yes of course, on the day."
"Oh yes, of course, I'll be there offering all the support that I can."
"That's very good to hear, I think someone should be and you Gordon are the ideal person," Alison’s mother said.
"That's very nice of you to say so."
"Oh, I'm sure Alison would say it herself."

The ideal person? What can I say I’m only a guy and I always wanted to be an ideal person.

"I'm sure she would."
"Well you’re one of Alison’s closest friends, if not closest," Alison’s mother said.
"True," I said grinning.
"It’ll be an experience for both of you."
"Oh definitely."
"I'm sure she would love to have someone there on hand as it were, a friendly face."
"I'll be there."
"Yes with Paul gone, I'm not sure who else would have volunteered to go into the delivery room."
"The delivery room?"
"Yes of course."
"You mean as in...the delivery room?"
"Yes, when Alison gives birth. That's where you'll be."
"Right, you see, the thing is..."
"The thing is?"
"Well what I mean to say is that when you said 'be there', I was thinking...thinking for her, as a friend, you know, near-by?"

Alison's mother laughed, phew, at least she knew where I was coming from. What a relief.

"Oh, I'll say you'll be nearby. There won't be anyone nearer not in the delivery room, what a view."
"View, I guess there will be that."

Oh boy. I was certain that Alison wouldn’t want me there and so I checked, but I think I made a mistake in the phrasing of my question. I’d meant to say: "

You don’t really want anyone there with you, do you? You know when, you know, its time..."

But what I actually said was this instead.

"Do you want someone there, you know when it’s time?"
"Oh Gordon, that would be lovely, thanks for offering."
"Offering."
"Oh yes, what a great suggestion, I thought I'd be there on my own."
"Right."

It brought a big smile to Alison’s face when I said it and there really wasn't any going back after that.

"Oh you really are a friend aren’t you? Is this my reward for doing your maths homework for years on end?”
"Well Ali you know I’ve always said I never quite found away to repay you."
"Well don’t worry, after this I think we'll be even."

I asked the nurse before I went in if she had any advice or if there was anything in particular I needed to do when I was inside. The nurse just smiled like she had done several thousands times before.

"Just keep smiling and try not to faint, mothers seem to find it distressing when their husbands pass out on them.”

I was going to correct her, going to set her straight, but then I just left it, I mean the tip still applies. So I continue to smile and squeeze Alison’s hand back as she squeezes mine.

The door to the delivery room is constantly swinging backwards and forwards and I glance over my shoulder and I’m not entirely sure why as I’m not going anywhere now.