I wanted to take a second and thank everyone who posted a comment or sent me an email of congratulations and well wishes at the arrival of the little man. It was very much appreciated and I am sorry that I didn’t write about it in my previous post.
This leads me to what I really wanted to write about: hemorrhoids. How is it that my wife pushes out the kid but I get the rhoids? Good Lord! It feels like I have a small twig up my ass [Jesus, I hope I really don’t have a small twig up my ass! That would be embarrassing.] and I’m holding onto my shit like it was gold because the pain of trying to defecate with this fucking thing brings tears to my eyes. I mean that quite literally. It really does bring me to tears. It’s like trying to shit a razor blade and I will stave off the inevitable horror as long as I can before I make that long walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I’m convinced that the products they sell to help in this situation actually made the problem worse, thereby getting you to buy more of the products. Cooling Gel Preparation H witch hazel motherfuckers. And because God has a wicked sense of humor, I’ve been cursed with the wettest, sloppiest shits these past few days. They’re the kind of movements that will take half a roll to take care of business and you’re still itching for the rest of the day; the kind of shits where you’re wiping up to your fucking neck to get yourself clean. What’s worse is that my job necessitates sitting on my fat ass for eight hours at a time and it’s taking all my courage to simply stand up from my chair because the pain is so fucking bad. Sweet!
There is another review of the movie that if you’re curious you can read it here. The movie is going to start playing in a theater here in Phoenix in a couple of weeks and my wife has been busy lining up local press and a few interviews that should start appearing in local papers next week. By and large, the reaction to the movie has be overwhelmingly positive, which, of course, is always nice. I can only hope that this translates into getting some asses into the seats. I’m supposed to speak to an advanced film production class sometime next week and I am pretty positive that this will be an unmitigated disaster. It’s a bit of an ego boost to be invited at all, but I’m not sure what they are expecting me to say, and I definitely don’t have a clue as to what I will say. I’ve been walking around for a week with going through this pretend lecture and giving answers to mock questions. I know. I’m a gigantic douche bag.
It really, truly, madly, deeply fucking sucks to be back at work. Enormous understatement. Nothing more to say on this. It just fucking sucks.
This leads me to what I really wanted to write about: hemorrhoids. How is it that my wife pushes out the kid but I get the rhoids? Good Lord! It feels like I have a small twig up my ass [Jesus, I hope I really don’t have a small twig up my ass! That would be embarrassing.] and I’m holding onto my shit like it was gold because the pain of trying to defecate with this fucking thing brings tears to my eyes. I mean that quite literally. It really does bring me to tears. It’s like trying to shit a razor blade and I will stave off the inevitable horror as long as I can before I make that long walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I’m convinced that the products they sell to help in this situation actually made the problem worse, thereby getting you to buy more of the products. Cooling Gel Preparation H witch hazel motherfuckers. And because God has a wicked sense of humor, I’ve been cursed with the wettest, sloppiest shits these past few days. They’re the kind of movements that will take half a roll to take care of business and you’re still itching for the rest of the day; the kind of shits where you’re wiping up to your fucking neck to get yourself clean. What’s worse is that my job necessitates sitting on my fat ass for eight hours at a time and it’s taking all my courage to simply stand up from my chair because the pain is so fucking bad. Sweet!
There is another review of the movie that if you’re curious you can read it here. The movie is going to start playing in a theater here in Phoenix in a couple of weeks and my wife has been busy lining up local press and a few interviews that should start appearing in local papers next week. By and large, the reaction to the movie has be overwhelmingly positive, which, of course, is always nice. I can only hope that this translates into getting some asses into the seats. I’m supposed to speak to an advanced film production class sometime next week and I am pretty positive that this will be an unmitigated disaster. It’s a bit of an ego boost to be invited at all, but I’m not sure what they are expecting me to say, and I definitely don’t have a clue as to what I will say. I’ve been walking around for a week with going through this pretend lecture and giving answers to mock questions. I know. I’m a gigantic douche bag.
It really, truly, madly, deeply fucking sucks to be back at work. Enormous understatement. Nothing more to say on this. It just fucking sucks.
