Don't move out west. Stay in Ontario. What about your family? You'll never be happy. Why are you doing this? Brian can come back and visit. BC is tooo far. We'll never see you again. You'll never come back.



When we made the decision to move out here we were flooded with a lot of unsolicited advice and opinions about the huge mistake we were making. It was confusing how often people who loved us and cared about us would say such things but as we were leaving I understood why they felt this way. We were leaving them and it kind of made sense but really, it didn't make any sense. We were leaving our easy go-lucky lives to take a big chance on an entirely new way of life, provinces and timezones away from family and friends.


I've moved around a lot as a kid. Those times I didn't have a choice, I went with my parents. I lived in in boxes and once every four years it seemed we were packed up and starting over. I would say goodbye to friends and promise to write and call but I never did. I never had an easy time with living like a ghost. For many of my younger years I felt like I never mattered because I would just go away again. I would cry and sulk and tell my parents I hated them for ruining my life. I'd never make friends again. I'd be miserable forever. It didn't take me long to specialize in throwing temper tantrums.


It always takes me a lot longer to adjust to a move. When I came out here I gave myself four months to get used to it. I was homesick as soon as I got on the plane even. I was alone, jobless and knew no one.


This move is scary in the sense that we will be going back and we haven't quite worked out the details yet, like securing jobs and homes. I keep reading articles with two different schools of thought on the issue. One is that it is detrimental to survival to have these things locked down. The other is that it's okay to just wing it because the chances of you being homeless are pretty low when you have friends and family to support you.


I am worried about going back home and reconnecting with the people I haven't seen in so long. Will I be able to just walk back into their lives? I will probably face a lot of rejection in this year, both employment wise and emotionally. I've been living a stable life out here and haven't had to think about the big R word in a long time because I've been playing it safe. Giving up my decent paying and secure job to jump into the unknown is terrifying and, in a small way, exciting. I've never quit while I was ahead before. I've always just stayed in a job because I could, and those jobs didn't promise me anything more than another paycheck and a guarantee that I wouldn't be fire.

Every job I've stayed in so far the long hall have closed their doors.


I face this move with a lot of heartache. There is a certain lifestyle that I have become accustomed to since moving out here. We had our young party days in Kingston before we moved out to BC and grew into full-grown adults who stay in and save money (when they can) and have dinner parties. Brian and I have had our relationship severely tested during his time in the military. We prioritize now. We've weeded and have been weeded out of friendships. We make decisions that affect us in the long term instead of the right now.




Don't move to Kingston. Stay in BC. Why go back? Brian can go home. BC is the best. Ontario is stupid. Why are you doing this? You'll never come back. We'll never see you again.

If you have said this to me I know that you mean well. I know that you will miss me and you aren't trying to hurt my feelings. And I hope you know that I am not trying to hurt your feelings by leaving. It is both of our decision to make this move. I am lucky to have great friends who care about whether or not I live in the same province as them. It's awesome. But please don't take this personally. It was always part of our plan.


There will be a lot of struggling and uneasiness because part of me still feels that I am that little ghost girl who comes and goes and has a hard time holding onto friends and place. I have come to love the sea and mountains and the curious seals. I've come to know so many new and amazing people that I won't see again for what could be a very long time. We both feel scared and worried that we're making a crazy move but it's ours to make and it's always been part of our plan to go back home.


BC is wonderful, you are right. Explaining myself to people is almost a waste of breath. Your home is your home and how you feel about your family may not be the same as others feel. It may not make sense to pack up and go back or it could be the only thing that seems right. It's sad to leave we are lucky to be able to return home.

And there is one more thing I absolutely need to do before we go. Because if I don't see a whale at least once I will have a temper tantrum, ask Brian.