These are the most memorable fares I’ve had in my mind. I’m going to include passengers that have acted in a way that no other passengers have, for this reason they are in the Top 10 out of 8,000-11,000 overall. I will also try to exclude taxi passengers that I have mentioned in previous blog posts at NYC’s Craziest Taxi Passengers. On with the list…
1. Talking Dirty to Strangers. Late one Saturday night, I stopped on 9thAvenue and 40th Street in West Midtown – there’s a pizza place right near here. A group of well-dressed ethnic looking young people got into my cab. They were from Bangladesh. At first nobody said exactly where we were going, perhaps they didn’t know. Then I found out we were headed deep into Brooklyn, down Flatbush. This group was quite a good – looking group and well-dressed, giving off a frat boy or college guy type vibe. It was 2 girls and 3 guys. They were college students, from if I’m not mistaken, SUNY Baruch. I proceeded to go down 9th Avenue, then 7th. The leader who was the dominant male, sat up front with me and we chatted a bit. One of the two girls got out very early once we crossed over the Manhattan Bridge, stopping on Flatbush. They then proceeded to chat a bit about college internships in finance. Then I drove the other 4 deeper into Brooklyn. As we proceeded, the lone girl in the car, wearing a short skirt and high heels, brought up the fact that she had planned a date with another guy, for the next day (Sunday), and that she was going to f*ck him. She proceeded to explain to her friends some graphic details about how she would be doing him really hard and good gave us some graphic details of the sex positions she enjoyed Now it’s not at all unusual for a girl to get in and talk dirty, but this was an odd conversation, given the company. The description went on for about 10 minutes or so, with the rest of us guys just becoming a bit stunned. Then she proceeded to tell the other men in the car they should be j*cking themselves off tonight, thinking about this scenario - sort of like she was trying to trash talk her friends a bit. I had driven this young lady to a neighborhood not too far away from Prospect Park near Flatbush. She got out of the cab and I saw that she had a nice body as she walked away. I made eye contact with the guy sitting up front with me, in disbelief, and he looks at me, and tells me “yes, we just met that girl tonight we don’t know who she is, what a psycho.” The other 3 guys in the car apparently didn’t know the hot girl who had been talking dirty to us for no less than 10 minutes. Really strange, I thought!
2. The Typical Park Avenue B*tch. I picked up a middle-aged woman on 6thAvenue, going to the lower section of Park Avenue, daytime. She got into my van taxi, and she said something to me, then I didn’t say something back (I could not hear her, or else didn’t care to respond because I wasn’t paying attention). Well then she started yelling at me, with a scowl on her face, asking why I didn’t turn up Madison instead of Park, etc., claiming I didn’t know where to drive, etc, etc! The actual reason I didn’t turn up 6thor Madison was that I was a brand new driver and didn’t know any better anyway – now I know the streets like the back of my hand. She continued to scowl at me and say disparaging things as we drove. When I told her that I was new, she didn’t respond and just ignored me. When we arrived she turned around and then started apologizing – next time I see her I’ll make sure to run away from this b*tch!
3. The Exorcist, reenacted. Just recently I picked up a girl from a bar in East Midtown like in the 50s near Turtle Bay – a man put her in the cab. She was in her 20s/30s, a yuppie type. When I looked her in the face nothing was there, just a blank stare. I knew this girl would be trouble and, possibly she wouldn’t pay me. I asked where she wanted to go. No response. I asked again. She hissed, “Queens, through the tunnel” as if she was doing me a favor even telling me. So we go down Second Avenue and then left on 36th. I wondered if I’d be doing an act of charity. We go to Forrest Hills, pretty far away off the LIE, exiting on 108th Street. As we’re driving down the LIE I look back at her, and she’s sitting with her head tilted to one side, staring up at the sky. Then she begins to cry, and her head goes down. She’s pouting. She has long black hair. She was attractive. Staring at the floor. Then she proclaims “please tell me there isn’t someone in here with me” I said no. “How was your night?” I asked. She yells “I will fuck you up, just drive me home” Then she proceeds to whimper, moving around in her seat, and muttering nonsense to herself. She looks at me and I’m sneaking some looks at her to see what’s going on. My second attempt at conversation failed. “I don’t care about you, you don’t care about me.” Where are we going on 108th? “I don’t care about you, you don’t care about me, just drive me home” she stated. I wondered if I should just leave this one with the cops instead and go back to the city. She gave me an address on 108th. I stop there, no response, she’s not getting out or paying. That’s when I decide to go in the back and see if I can’t just expedite the payment of my $30 or so. She fights me over her purse and some stuff spills onto the floor. Then instructs me again, to just drive me over to 110th. I get back up front, and then we go over to 2 blocks or so. Then she repeats ““I don’t care about you, you don’t care about me.” That’s when I turn around and look at her. She states “I know you would like to touch me.” “How about the money?” I asked. My hand is up near the partition. She then begins to suck my fingers, instead of paying me, simulating a blowjob. She then pulls out her credit card from her bra and asks me to help her with the payment. Finally, sanity. I get in the back and the girl had a nice smell about her. I take her card, then I proceed to punch in a tip for myself on the screen, “hard to figure out, huh?” She asks, I said yes. I gave myself 20% and the total came to $37. I swiped it. She scooted over close to me and put her arms around my waist. Then i help her get out. Then I get her stuff from her purse and proceed to tell her goodbye. She comes back over to the car and tells me goodbye telling me “you look so cute in your hat, but don’t follow me home!”
4. Go F*ck Yourself. One afternoon, back in the old says I was headed down Park Avenue South. I picked up an ethnic looking man who looked wealthy. He got in and the only thing he said was “go fuck yourself.” That was the end of that ride, guess he didn’t like me.
5. Dancing with the Stars. Late one weekend night in the dark about, about 3-4am I picked up a crazy fare. I was going from the East side over to the West Side to end the night, when I saw a group of people hailing me on 5th Avenue and about 13th Street. It was two cute girls and a guy. The blond girl hailing me was standing in the street. She had light blonde hair and was short, curvy, and supa cute. She was from Montana. She was bouncing around, full of energy, dancing. She got up front while her friends got into the back. She cranked the music to 103.5 FM, a good dance station in the New York metro area. Then she began gyrating her body around the front seat. Now this was a first I had never seen a passenger dance inside a cab. She was facing her friends with her back to the front and the window rolled down. People on the street began to notice her gyrating around inside my minivan cab. I got a good view of her cute gyrating body, which was hot. She was wearing tight shorts, a t-shirt, a vest, and tennis shoes. As she danced she began to scoot over near me, touching my shoulders and moving around to the music. We continued driving, across town to the East Village, as the city was winding down another Saturday night. She continued dancing, and slid her body into my lap moving around like a worm. I placed my arms around her waist and felt her smooth skin, making eye contact. I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said yes, but continued dancing in my lap. Her friends hand came across the partition, in attempts to wave me away. The dancing girl slid out of my lap and was began gyrating again in her seat. Then came back into my lap again, laying flat. We had stopped at her location but the music continued. The dancing girl moved around for another ten minutes or so. Once the music switched to a lower tempo song, the dancing Blondie got out and took her purse and walked away saying “keep the music up.” Her and her friend left, leaving the young man in the car. I asked him if he had my $20 for the fare. He proceeded to tell me no, he had lost his wallet. You don’t see my wallet do you man? I said no. We checked the seat. He had lost his wallet and these two girls he just met. Both of us got double burned on this one.
6. A Bit of a Weirdo. I picked up this guy, a Regular White Guy if you will. He had a bald head and seemed like he might be an IT guy. He was wearing business casual type clothes and was carrying a bookbag. Something about him just seemed a bit odd. It wasn’t that long after rush hour, maybe like 7PM or so. We drove to Forrest Hills, Queens. The ride went smoothly, but then something weird happened. I was watching him and turned around to get the money, but something about him seemed a bit off, like maybe he was on drugs or something. He creeped me out a bit for some reason. He took out his credit card, and began to punch the credit card machine with it, as if he were hammering it. One is supposed to tap the machine with the cards that are enabled for that, or swipe them. I went in the back and helped him swipe the card. His hands are shaking a bit as he hands it to me. I swiped it and it came back declined. Oh no, I thought this guy is a fraud, and we just drove to Forest Hills, that’s $35 or so at this time of day, $40 total. I know he’s just going to walk off. I asked the guy if he had any cash, he said “No, but I’ve got some at home.” Now I think oh no, I bet he’ll never come back. Sometimes us taxi drivers do expect to get ripped off. He proceeds to go back to his place to get some cash, and I ask him to leave his bookbag in the car before he leaves. He asks, why? I tell him so that I know that you are coming back. He wobbles a bit, and then he leaves to get his money. I think this guys a bit strange. I wait a bit, and then thank god, he comes back, and has $60. He hands me the $60, and says, keep it. Great I think. He offers me TOO MUCH money for this fare. A bit strange, I think yet again. He then wobbles a bit and walks away with his bookbag. A bit of a weirdo indeed.
7. Stabbing Victim. As a rookie, I used to drive the day shift on Saturdays. One early morning, about 7am I was driving south on 9th Avenue in the 20ths in west Manhattan and I picked a regular white guy. He was a hipster type dude. A yuppy/guppy type hipster with a small tattoo on his arm. He wanted to go to Williamsburg, not shockingly. I looked back at him and I saw that he had blood stains on his clothes and hands. Wow, I thought, a regular white guy not so much. I asked him if he wanted to go the hospital. He said no just drive me home. His voice was muddled but otherwise he seemed polite and well-behaved. I noticed that he had bandages on his hands and the blood was dried, probably from something that happened a few hours back. As we drove I could tell he wasn’t in good shape upstairs either. He muttered something about getting into an argument. And said this is what happens when you share your opinions about something or other political issue or something like that. When I asked him where he wanted to drive, he muttered something. It sounded like “humdff and frsssss.” I pulled off the road, and asked him again, the same thing, “humdff and frsssss.” Huh I said? I’ve never heard of that where is it? Then he said, no take me back. I drove off the bridge and under the BQE near south 9th Street in Williamsburg. We just sat there for 10 minutes. With me trying to figure out what the hell this bloody guy was saying. The city was deserted and it was basically daylight out, this Saturday morning. As a newbie I had never heard the intersection Humboldt and Frost, but now that’s pretty common knowledge as an intersection in Williamsburg. He was just repeating it and eventually I had to lean upto him very close, and began to understand what he was trying to tell me. Once we arrived he handed me a $20 and then I was back to the city to pick up more people.
8. Where is the money? I found a gray-haired 40-ish man wearing sneakers and athletic clothes and carrying a backpack at 7th Avenue and 20th headed south. He was probably a gay man but he looked and acted heterosexual - you know, don't ask, don't tell, that’s my policy. The ride was conversation free. We get in and we ride to 12th Street and Broadway near NYU. Neither one of us said anything. This was where the fun began. He feels his pocket, then he says oh woops I think I forgot my wallet “shit,” “f*ck” he says. Then he suggests we go back and get it. After this I ask him if he's got money in his apartment. He says, yes. At this point I want to make sure this man doesn't waste my time because the point of cab driving is to make that moula. So then he assures me that he does and he does seem like a legitimate guy. So around we go back across 11th Street then across 13th, then Greenwich Avenue, to 8th Avenue and then we take a right on 20th Street back in Chelsea. Cutting down 20th we pass a police precinct. Then we pull upto a building and I park across the street on the left side. He then proceeds to leave his bag in the back while he goes back in. I ask him to just tell me if he can’t find his wallet there. Here is where more craziness happens. I hang out for a few minutes. I surf my Blackberry while I wait and I feel a bit sorry for this guy's misfortune. Next I see him come bolting out of his old building's door. Unfortunately as he was running across 20th Street another cab comes down the street and oops, the guy hits the front of the other cabs hood, then he bounces back, and makes a step back. The other cabbie jams on the breaks, and waits for him to back up. Now the other cab speeds up and moves on by and my passenger comes over to the other side. OOPS! Narrow miss on that one. Next up he gets in the cab and the poor man says “I couldn’t find it so I had to ask my doorman for some money” he said nervously. “Oh, ok.” Now I was eager to get this ride over with and get on with the next. At least he will not be ripping me off. He then proceeds to check his backpack. Poor man, now he tells me that his wallet is inside his backpack and its been there the whole time! Now he begins screaming expletives, “oh sh*t, oh f*ck! As we ride, he continues to curse at himself. Poor man. I smirked and I knew this would be a funny one for my readers I don't think I could make up something like this if I tried. At the end of the ride he pays me $14 and leaves. I just sit there and accept his money.
When Animals Attack…The Cab Driver. Back when I was driving the day shift and I was new, I was headed up 8th Avenue near Penn Station area, and I saw an old man on the left waiting with his doorman who was hailing me. I stopped, picked him up and he got into my minivan cab and sat in the back. He was a bit portly and a bit older. This was about 35th street or so. He wanted to go to 1st Avenue and 38th. I proceeded to cut across 8thAvenue in order to make a right turn. I turned onto 36th Street. The old man screamed at me! “NO, YOU IDIOT, I WANTED TO GO DOWN 38TH STREET!!!! 36th STREET IS BLOCKED!!!” He lunged at me through the partition, taking a swipe but he wasn’t serious about hitting me. He had actually had not said this in time for me to stop my turning onto 36th Street, and keep in mind I was new at that time so I didn’t have good knowledge of NYC streets. He was totally correct in his opinion as 36th street leads straight to the Queens Midtown Tunnel on the East Side and it can get backed up sometimes during the day. At the exact same time this old nut took a swing at me, an NYPD cop noticed that I had made a wide right turn onto 36thStreet and he turned on his sirens and pulled me over! I pulled over to the right on 36th Street. The cop pulled alongside and asked me how long I had been a cab driver. I told him a few months, but it was a bit longer than that. The cop then informed me “you are not allowed to do what you just did; you cannot double turn that other driver onto 36th street.” I said “okay, excuse me for doing so.” He just sat there for a few seconds and then he drove on. After this the old man in the back said “I’ve got to get out of here.” He opened the door and left. Thankfully no damage was done by either party now on to find more passengers.
1 Horny Girl # 999.Now this list would not be complete without mentioning at least one or more of the sexy girls who get into my cab who can't behave themselves. One night last year I had quite a memorable one. Around 4 AM I stopped by a club on West 17th Street in Chelsea, where there were quite a few people out waiting for taxis because the nightclubs in the area had just let out. A young white man in his 20’s approached my cab. He looked polite and respectful. I rolled down the window asking him where his destination was, he stated the Doubletree on 29th between 6th and 7th avenues, a short convenient ride for me. He proceeded to get in the back and his companions, two girls in short black dresses. Another blonde woman in a short black dress and high heels got into the front with me. They were all pretty smoking hot and I could tell that they had the accents and the wide-eyed look of tourists. The girl in the front with me asked where I was from. I told her that I’m from a southern state. Then she mumbled a few more unintelligible things. Then she screamed something. I answered her questions as best I could. She then proceeded to roll down the window and started mumbling “hey you, what you doing?” to some person on the street We were inching our way past another line of cars parked on the left side of the street, on the right side of us were more people who were attempting to hail taxis. As we were waiting to make a right turn and head up Tenth Avenue, the woman sitting with me stuck her legs outside the taxi and proceeded to wrap them around a young man waiting on the curb. Then she began to grind on his hips and make a few more grunting noises, while keeping the rest of her body inside my cab. Wow, that’s a feat, I thought. I don’t know how she managed that without my noticing. The man’s friend says “hey look, she’s got a leg around you!” Now this woman’s body was hot but it wasn’t her legs, it was her mind that I was concerned about, she was going out of control! After a few moments of this I pulled my cab away from the light and I held the woman in by her shoulders, and eventually she let go of the man and we went on our way up Tenth Avenue. She explained to me that this was her first time in New York, and she and her friends were from Kentucky. Then she shrieked a few more things I could not understand, screaming into my ears. Next up was masturbation. She asked me what I was doing after this, I said “I’m going to bed, I’m tired tonight.” “With who?” she asked. “With myself, “ I said. She explained to me that she did this every night meaning go to bed alone (something I couldn’t believe because she was attractive). Maybe she’s from a small town. “I use my fingers” she said. “Sometimes I do it so much that my fingers get numb and it feels like someone else is doing it.” Meaning masturbate “Congrats, LOL” I said. She then turns to some guy in an Acura MDX SUV on our right side on 6th Avenue. She yells at him “Hey you, what you doing tonight?” The man smiles and laughs at her. Then she proceeded to ask me my name again. “Can I pretend you’re from Indiana?” she asked. “No I don’t think so because I’m not,” I replied, not telling her that I had been in Indiana a few years ago. I took a glance at her body, she was thin with tan skin and blonde hair and she was showing a lot of cleavage, but again back to her mind. I wasn’t into pursuing anything with this crazy girl for several reasons, for one she had a male chaperone, so I don’t really like to intrude into another man’s world and her friends might take offense because she was so intoxicated. She asked me again what I was doing after this again. I ignored her this time. We pulled upto her hotel. Then she asked “How do you feel about raccoons?” I replied, “uhhhh, how about cash or credit instead?” My mind began to wander because I was honestly getting tired and was seriously ready for bed and glad to be done with this night that seems to be meant for the record books. I dropped at the group at a hotel on 29th in between 6th avenue and 7th avenue, and waved them goodbye, and that was all I have to say about that!
