Why would one want to get back with their ex?

After all, if they were the one to walk away from your Relationship, why the heck would you want them back? Isn’t it a bad idea to just pick up where things left off and carry on with a relationship that’s maybe fizzled out? What’s a good reason to get your ex back when they showed they don’t want to be in your relationship anymore?

These are just some common questions people ask about reconnecting with their ex, but not the people that actually DO want to get their ex back. This set of people have this very quick and simple answer – “I still love my ex-partner.” We are shown on TV, magazines and online that love is the most important thing on the planet.

Hey, I’m not against those who wish to reconnect with their estranged partner. That’s why are entire site is devoted to helping people with how to get their ex back fast. The thing is though, I don’t like the fact that people spend a lot of their time, effort and ultimately their happiness, trying to get their ex back. You should only try to reconnect with them if you truly believe your relationship is worth another go, rather than just the fact that you need to be with them.

Just because you miss and love your ex, can’t function without them and are truly depressed, this is not a good reason for getting back together. Your brain and emotions will trick you into believing these things so as to avoid the heartbreak of a break up. Try to keep a level head after the break up and remember that these feelings are just a natural reaction, and aren’t always a good idea to act on.

Here’s just a few reasons that your brain will keep on nagging you with (and you may try to convince your friends and family), which is not usually a good reason for reconnecting.

• I love him or her
• I’ll never find another person like them
• He/She is my soulmate
• He/She was the one
• No one can do things like he/she used to do.
• He/She made me happy – kind of stupid since now they’re making you unhappy..
• I am unhappy and depressed without him/her.
• I can’t live my life without him/her.

Obviously there’s too many to list, but it really isn’t a solid reason when you can see an element of neediness or desperation. However, there could also be lots of reasons to get back with them, too. I know loads of cases that ex-couples got back together again and carried on to live a happy and fulfilled life with them. I’m always getting letters/emails from couples who tell me they got back together (with the help of our website), sometimes years ago and they are stronger and happier than ever!

On the other side however, I do also get letters from people who tried to get their ex back, and it didn’t work out at all. They just put themselves through double the heartache when it could all have been avoided if they’d recognised the invalid reasons above in their situation.

Hey it’s not just the people that contact me either. There’s cases like this all over the web of people who get their ex back and go on to get married, have children and live a happy life thereafter. Okay, so we looked at the bad reasons to get back with your ex, now I’m going to list some of the good reasons:

1. The break up was in the heat of the moment

Sometimes people can break up because their ego got hurt. As sad as it is, sometimes people give up on a great relationship too easily instead of working things through. This type of break up is usually a ‘in the heat of the moment’ decision and never thought about properly. One person says something, and the partner might over react and leaves.

2. You Had THE BEST Relationship With Them

I don’t mean the time when you first met and everything seemed perfect and amazing, you never fought or argued, a match made in heaven almost.

This does not define the majority of your relationship as ‘The best you ever had.’ That’s just a mediocre relationship with a mediocre ‘honeymoon period.’ To say it was the best relationship then it needs to have been based on respect, honesty, trust and most importantly communication. If you rated your relationship on these four factors, would you then call it the best? If you think it was great in all four areas, then you can go ahead and say that your relationship with your ex was great, and I really wish you all the best in getting your ex back.

3. Because you have children

A break up is particularly hard on children. When children are involved then of course if there is a chance to get your ex back, you should do it. You have to try at least. If on the other hand you were in a toxic or abusive relationship, then separation is likely to create a much better environment for yourself and your children.

4. Break up because of circumstances

Sometimes people may break apart simply because of circumstance. It may be that one of you got offered a job in another state, or a close family member needed help and one of you had to move and you just didn’t think it was fair to carry on with a long distance relationship. Maybe in this circumstance then it might be worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

5. Because your friends and family said it’s a good idea

Often times your close friends and family will tell you to just move on with your life, but they are not always right. On the other hand, if they’re voicing that you two were good together and you should try to get your ex back, then that’s a good sign it is worth saving. Your friends know you better than anyone and if they think that your ex is worth giving another shot, then it won’t hurt to try reconnecting.

6. The potential in your relationship is too serious to give up on

Now this is a difficult one because obviously anyone who is in love with their ex will want to believe there is potential in the relationship, but it’s worth mentioning. If you think that the two of you can have a really amazing future together then you maybe should try to get them back.

Don’t be pushy though, don’t get all over obsessed about it and spend every waking minute trying to get them back. Just try once, and if it didn’t work out then leave it and move on with your life. Watch that false hope doesn’t pull you into a situation that will never work out with them, whereby you end up wasting your life chasing something that was never meant to be.

How To Use The No Contact Rule

During a break up, it’s probably not possible to make a rational choice as to whether or not you should get back with your ex-partner, as your brain is going to try and convince you that it is worth trying again. This will cause you to ignore all the difficulties that came up with your relationship and make you focus on only the good parts. All those good times will be replaying over and over in your mind with the end result that you are convinced they are the only person you need in your life.

For this reason the no contact rule is very important. You need to stop all communication with your ex for a good 30 days, so that your mind can clear of all those emotions, leaving you in a better place to make a life changing decisions.

Once you are happy without your ex, this is the time you can start to work out if you really want your ex or not, without looking at things through ‘rose-tinted glasses.’

Make sure to follow the no contact rule after your break up, and then if after that you decide you still want your ex back, you can follow the rest of the plans we have put together for you.