His head hung low, clouds of melancholy swirling upon his mind, he starts walking down a lonely road. Its evening and an albatross is singing in the air, adding to the vigor with which he is facing the pain in his heart. He hears the squelching of his own feet. Sun sets and the night fall faster than the usual. He is a man who was once loved. There is a certain feeling of calmness which overshadows the feeling of terror that prevails in this poisonous air. He is tired of this play of feelings. He is just like another man laden with this mundane burden but this man here feels it immensely.
This feeling his mind is overshadowed with is not the result of a betrayal in love, not the result of lack of happiness, not even because god did not show his mercy upon him, this walk he undertook is to find out what really dwells inside him. With each step his heart beat was increasing, his mind was loosing control over his body and his eyes started losing the sight of the road he was treading upon.
Suddenly he fell on his knees, his hands in dirt; tear falls from his eyes onto the ground. He says to himself that the way of this world can never be comprehended and when one is buried deep up to your neck in the ground and there is no one near you whose hand you can hold onto, then do not fear because one has got this life to grow.
All of a sudden he called for all his strength and stood up again, his legs trembling, his eyes blood red, his clothes covered in mud and his mind filled with dirtiest thoughts. The moon was brighter and closer than usual. Such brightness filled his heart with darkness and the closeness of moon made his heart bleed with the distance he was feeling from someone or something. Society bothered his soul the most.
His soul always searched for loneliness. He watches millions and millions of people drenched into their respective works and talking to each other, running behind happiness, success, beauty, money, running a race against time and chasing everything that is temporary like flowing rivers, melting snow and evaporating water. He thinks his heart has stopped feeling anything, like a cold stone it lay inside his body untouched and unfeeling.
He stands there alone with his arms stretched and eyes tightly closed. Tears are streaming down his face. He stands there as if he had given his all to fight. He has no more to offer. He stands there as if he is letting go his soul.
He talks to himself and says loudly "This mind is fucked up with all kinds of thoughts, bastard thoughts, none original. These bastard thoughts screw up my filthy existence, the thoughts which have been impregnated in my head due to this fucking society. I look into the mirror and do not recognize myself. I see a distant self, I wonder about its existence and formation. But nothing strikes my empty mind how it has come to be what I see. What I see is the reflection of my physical self but even that's not true. Who in this world has seen the purest form of his own reflection...?? Even the most perfect mirror shows the image physically pure but never psychically pure. I don't give a shit about my reflection right now. Everything seems so vague on losing the sole aim of your life. This life seems so empty. I do not know what feeling I am trying to fight by writing this piece of shit. No feeling is worth living in life, everything seems so minuscule as well as infinite!!!
What is supposed to make me happy..? A feeling of love? A feeling of success? A feeling of security? A feeling to have a family? A feeling to live for others? To devote my life to a social cause? To collect money? To be famous? To escape from everything? A feeling to feel happy? A feeling to be hedonistic in my life? To plan my life and live according to the fucking plan? To seek god? A feeling of a loser in life? A feeling of winner in this life? To succeed in this fake society? To be disgusted from the society for the rest of my life? To seek true love? To fuck? To what? To write? What the fuck will make me happy? Am I not accepting the fact that my depression is my happiness..? My quietness is my bliss? My loneliness is my joy? My disgust for this society is my strength? My incapability to keep someone happy is my capability? My lonesome thoughts are my weapons to fight this world thirsty for blood of losers and unable? My moments spent alone my golden memories? The churning of my feelings and my heart is my sole fate?
My lips are dry and thirsty. My throat has forgotten the feeling of a liquid sliding onto its inner soft skin. The taste of happiness is what it longs to taste. The eyes have only seen people around me getting happy. I guess there is no taste to this happiness, it's tasteless because as it comes you do not realize that it has entered you and by the time you start to realize yes it is the taste of happiness, it just vanishes, maybe forever.
But why do I want happiness is the more basic question which one should approach. Why happiness? Because maybe sadness is everywhere and is more than happiness. Why can't the sadness become your happiness? Why can't you be happy when someone breaks your trust? Why can't you be happy when someone cheats on you? Why can't you be happy when someone back-stabs you? Why can't you be happy when someone calls you ugly and shows you down because of your physical inability? Why can't you be happy when your best friend leaves you alone when you need them the most? Why can't you be happy if the society tells you how useless your existence is and you are incapable of doing or achieving anything? Why can't you be happy when someone forces you to do the most hateful thing you would ever do? Why can't you be happy to be alone? Why can't you be happy being an addict? Why can't you be happy destroying your whole life and lose your identity? Why can't the thought of ending the life make you happy and be your pleasing time pass? Why can't you be happy to destroy your dreams? Why can't you be happy to seek nothing in life but only disgust? Why can't you be happy being an animal trained by this fucking society? Why can't you be happy crying hopelessly and continuously and not knowing when you will stop? Why can't you be happy accepting that you have been defeated by this cruel society and meaningless life?"
"BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME.." said his last words.
GUNSHOT...!!!
