A few years ago I put myself on eHarmony for a very brief period of time. When I was on it, I wrote on my front page that I have both Asperger's and OCD. Now, this profile statement must have been a deterrent to potential women suiters everywhere, as I had not been contacted by anyone and noone I had contacted wrote back for the whole three months I was a member.

So how do you meet your soul mate, or how does someone you meet become your soul mate? My strategy has always been becoming one's friend on facebook, and then talking to them there until she feels comfortable enough talking digitally that she's ready to meet me face to face. ...Yeah, that second part has never happened. Yet. Which leads me to ask, again, how do two people become a couple? I'm sure there's this feeling two people get when they are together, a type of magic in the air, that when they look at each other they just know. That's where my troubles come in. I'm so awkward around girls, yeah I'm nervous but I think that what it all boils down to is that I see them as so much better than me.

If I'm taking up a girl's free time all I can think is how unworthy I am of their time they are currently giving me, how I don't deserve the pleasure of even speaking to them and they don't deserve for me to speak to them, like they have so many other better things they could be doing, better people they could be talking to. I don't know what it is, but there's not a girl in the world I can even look in they eye. But I'm great at talking on facebook.



So where does that leave me? I want a girlfriend more than I could possibly express, but yet I can't even look any girl in the eye. I think a lot about what would happen if the right girl came to this blog and read my ramblings. Sometimes it makes me want to shut down my blog, get me back on page one with every girl, take away the possibility of anyone ever being able to know me and know how fucked up I am before I get a chance to meet them. Still, other times I think my blog may give me an advantage, should that right girl ever stumble across my blog, I'd like to think it would give her a sort of blue print of how to approach me, maybe it would take away some of the awkwardness should we ever meet, because she knows what I'm thinking.