There was telugu movie called LBW – Life Before Wedding, and I do agree everyone talks about the part of life after leaving from parents house, atleast in India, this happens only when University education or graduation. In western countries the movement outside does start 2-3 years before in high school itself and also they have concept of taking loans for university education which in India is mostly sponsored by parents, so another important difference.

The life during university and then after graduation, job trials, job life, and with this other things that go in that age – drinking , smoking, girls, clubs etc. and after some time wedding happens. All the days are not “happy days”, there are days when you were on job trials, exam preparation, failure in exams and many other tough days as well.. but the few instances when the first time you had earned some money,  first time you bought some luxury it can be your , first time you have done some thing etc.. that specifics override all the tears and you seem to remember the days all your life time as your sweet memories

One important part during this time is if you happen to fall in love and the evenings and days you spent with your Partner, the phone calls, the messages, emails and all the conversations , everything you do for each other doesn’t seem wrong, you are ok to wait for hours, she is ok to do things you like, you are ok to spend money, she is ok to do things for you, you both enjoy the moment, no talk of investments, no talk of high ambitions in job, it seems like having good job is enough, and both are happy as long as we can afford a comfortable life, going out on a bike, evenings and weekends.

Now slowly days became months and before it goes into years, atleast in Indian culture the talk of Marriage comes and if you are lucky you will get to marry the person you love and you would look forward to have all the days in your life filled with joy and romance, the same way you were having all these days. You both should be living together in your house and so no one can put any restrictions on your life style and everything should be as per your rules and it should be great.  Now comes the twist, life after marriage ,, should I take this to part 2 of the blog or continue.. let me continue

Days becomes months and before months become years, you feel uncomfortable in thinking about her all the time and she feels difficult doing things for you all the time, and slowly disturbances start between the partners and both the persons want things for themselves, and if both of them understand the need to relax their persona and accommodate the other persons needs this can be good, but all personalities are not the same and so there will be differences and most importantly for both the partners who loved and married the expectations of the life after marriage is not met and both of them feel disappointed and cheated. cheated is a big word, but if the disturbances are more then this can go even further. With the passing days, you will say the person has changed completely. There will be changes surely because as years pass by, persons adjust to the environment and the people surrounding.

Also things like job and investments takes more precedence, need to earn more, save more, and the cycle continues how much ever you earn and do it always feel like falling short, and in the run to earn more and do more stress levels raise and the life becomes more of cycle of job, money, investment and talk is mostly on these things. There is no more interest in each others needs, and if the topic is raised, it is immediately pushed off saying don’t talk childish, we are no longer teenagers, and both try to think like responsible adults and again think about job, money, and the goal post is pushed always further and further.

Over the years, you will not be same person completely but the personality always stays same sometimes inhibited and dormant tucked underneath, and once it comes alive you will be the happiest person again. I don’t believe that personality changes, it can be changed artificially to facilitate for some needs, but a person is what he was and will be the same all the time.

Before marriage and in the initial days of marriage, the ambitions were not that big, life didn’t seem so stressful, talk about each others comfort zone used to take more precedence, care for your partners needs and comforts, and why this could not be like this all the time, why we are not able to lead the life we imagined and wanted. Have we been really cheated by each other, were we not true to each other in the shadows of romance, was it just a teenage myth.

My take on this, life after marriage could have been same as imagined and wanted provided we understand the needs more, when he/she said I cannot do things for you all the time, when the things start to disturb each other, when the same habits were troubling your partner, instead of getting offended, if  we can accommodate each other both into his/her persona then things will be good and times definitely will be happier

yes life before wedding, definitely there is an air of romance all the niggling things did seem tolerable to an extent for the good times with him/her, but if it is niggling and is disturbing you it will disturb you tomorrow as well and so it did after marriage.life after marriage is not same as before marriage because we did accepted each other before marriage because we want each other and the fear of losing your partner has made you accept what ever demands he/she has.

Now with NO fear of losing, and with the thought that he/she is mine forever and has made us not to accept the same discomforts we were happy to accept earlier. So after marriage he/she is with you, but he/she is lost to some other cause like job, money, kids or some other passion and ambition and you lose each other without even  realizing that we are losing each other. In western countries, there is a concept of living together before marriage and this can happen with more than one person, so the fear of losing your partner may not  be that dreadful experience as in eastern cultures. But even then losing your partner is always a dreadful thing.

Before marriage even though we are shores away we feel nearer, After marriage even though we sit together we feel far away in different worlds at times, and this is only because we are letting this to happen. One more important note, age never kills romance,  its we as persons give priority to different things as per need of the time.

I am not a philosopher or saint to give any preaching here , but wanted to share my views – WE SHOULD BE HAPPY TO ACCEPT EACH OTHER THE SAME WAY WE ACCEPTED WHEN WE LIKED EACH OTHER, FEAR OF LOSING YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ALWAYS BE THERE IF NOT TO ANOTHER PERSON, HE/SHE CAN BE LOST TO ANOTHER REASON.

Hope we can make our life happier and interesting as we originally wanted , as we wanted it to be with our partners and our loved ones.