A guy comes home drunk one night at 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart.

His wife wakes up and asks "what the hell was that?"
He replies "goal, i am winning 1-0!"

She thinks to herself "I am gonna fix him", then lets one loose.

He yells at her "what was that?"
She replies "goal, score is tied!"

Now he thinks "I am gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he shits the bed.

The wife asks "now what the hell was that?"
He replied "halftime, switch sides!"