This is the elite team of writers we have assembled for
The Hash Mark; you may have already heard of some of them:
The Editor – Editor-In-Chief, Literature Editor
After receiving his doctorate in journalism from Swaffham Junction University, The Editor went on to work at some of the world’s foremost newspapers, such as The Teignmouth News and The Dawlish Post. However, feeling that a change was needed if his career were to progress, he decided to leave his last position (at the Ross-On-Wye Herald) and head back to his roots in Devon, where he co-founded The Hash Mark with Bolivian deportee “Ramon Gonzalez” (real name changed due to legal reasons) out of sheer desperation. The paper has since flourished, however, with Central Office receiving two phone calls in its first week of operation. One telephonist said: “It was off the f***in’ hook!” Since editing The Hash Mark, The Editor has received many lucrative offers to return to the fast-paced world of investigative journalism. He says: “Keep the taxman at bay, and I’m happy anywhere.”
“Ramon Gonzalez” – Arts Editor and General Secretary
Back in the ‘80s, “Ramon” was one of the foremost figures on the Bolivian underground art scene, hitting the big-time with his conceptual video piece “Profit”, which broke new artistic territory by being the first film to graphically show the sale of cocaine to school children. During the over-hyped scandal that followed, “Ramon” decided to take a family holiday in North Cyprus (where, for legal reasons, he still technically lives) with his new Puerto-Rican Bride, Maria. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last, and because “Ramon” was too good-natured and trusting to take out a pre-nuptial agreement, he lost everything. Which is why he headed to Devon, the location of one of the art world’s hottest new scenes, where he met The Editor and co-founded The Hash Mark. He said: “What else could I do? I need the f***in’ money…the woman has me by the balls…”
Will Darkin – Chief Layout Supervisor, Cartoonist
The Hash Mark is Will’s first foray into the world of journalism. However, he is learning quickly under the tutorage of The Editor and “Ramon”, both of whom are experts. Having achieved a grade C in GCSE Media Studies, Will is the only member of the team with any formal qualifications, which means he can really come in handy, especially when it comes to writing the actual articles (“Ramon” is famously illiterate, having snubbed school at the age of six in order to focus on his business ventures). In a press statement, Will said: “I am delighted to be working at The Hash Mark – (EXTRACT CENSORED) – Any allegations that I was press-ganged are entirely unfounded. (EXTRACT CENSORED).”
Reverend Mark Turnock – Gonzo Editor, Media Editor
Mark, or “Rev” as he is commonly known, previously served the Lord in the famously devout desert town of Las Vegas, where he regularly toured the city in order to help those who were down on their luck. However, after an unfortunate episode involving two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine and a whole galaxy full of multi-coloured uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls, he was removed from his position and decided to head down to Devon for no good reason.
P-Unit – Poetry Editor, Gangsta Editor, Man About Town
During the early 1990s, P-Unit scored a number of chart-topping hits in the USA with his own brand of novelty rap, earning him a Grammy nomination. At the ceremony, he performed with MC Hammer, which, he says, was “the single greatest moment of my life.” The peak of his fame came when he guest-starred in an episode of “The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air” as one of Will Smith’s friends. From there, his fortunes tumbled. After serving twenty-five to life for an unspecified crime, he came to Devon to re-launch his career with the help of award-winning Dartmoor based producer Fergus Noble. While in the area, he joined The Hash Mark, and hopes to bring to its readership his unique brand of political satire, after-dinner wit and constructive artistic criticism. Upon joining, he simply said: “Fo’ shizzle, ma nizzle.” It truly speaks volumes.
Black Moses – Philosophy Editor
A notoriously shady character, Black Moses lives in a cave in the mountains between Afghanistan and Pakistan, travelling at night and writing about Jean-Paul Sartre during the day. Unfortunately, he doesn’t work very quickly, and so doesn’t contribute very often.
Houses – Science Editor, Chess Editor
Houses spends most of his time contemplating the meaning behind the Universe and campaigning for the liberation of all chess-playing peoples. He lives at home in Brixham with his wife and children, who try and ignore him as best they can. In 2001 he was given an honorary degree by the University of Slough for his work in the field of bullshit. He is a big fan of relativity and is indiscriminate in his hatred of those who support quantum physics.
Luke – Poet, Regular Contributor
Luke has had a tough life. After battling alcohol addiction, he was involved in a near-fatal plane crash, when his father (international playboy Ciro Dedominicis) tried to do a barrel roll. During his recovery, Luke had to have four of his vertebrae removed, thus stunting his growth and increasing his waist-size (?). However, he has shown true will power, and has ascended at dramatic speed. His latest work, dubbed “economic poetry” by critics, is both practical and emotional. He is one of the rising stars of the Hash Mark team.
Jacky Read – Turning Editor, Columnist
Jacky was born in the Sioux Falls Indian Reservation in South Dakota, where she learnt the carpentry skills that have served her so well through the years. While there, she learnt how to hollow out canoes and build tepees, and do other stereotypically Indian things. She also ran a casino and sold cheap fireworks to tourists. She is the world-renowned author of “Turning Corners – How Using A Lathe Can Change Your Life Today”, and other such wood turning related self-improvement guides. She resides somewhere is deepest Paignton.
Frank – Political Editor, Rampant Carnivore
Unfortunately, Frank passed away last night in prison, where he was serving twenty years for child sex offences. It is believed he committed suicide after a particularly nasty tarring and feathering. Our thoughts would be with his family, but he was a scumbag.
