This article was composed many years ago.
Given my lack of time this year, which means I can't compose any new articles celebrating the season, I've bumped this article up to the top of this blog.
Next year, I hope to complete this article. The final section will describe the time I actually met Santa. (Christmas Eve, 1968, hiding in a thicket in Vietnam, near the Cambodian border).
'til then, I hope you enjoy what there is of this article.
Many of us – no, let’s take that back -– Most of us try to regulate our lives by following certain core principals. These principals, or beliefs if you will, may be unspoken. Sometimes these principals are so avidly adhered to, they become habitual, and thus fall away from the forefront of our consciousness. And by this circumlocution we arrive at one of my all time favorite quotations.
When in doubt tell the truth.
--Mark Twain
At no time in my life was I so well served by this quotation than when raising offspring, which turned out to be the happiest time of my life. Christmas-time especially presented all sorts of problems with my children. Both of them, Charley and Andrea, were uncommonly curious, and came to me with many questions about this distinctly singular season. And I, doubtful of my abilities as a parent, trying my best to be a responsible adult, always responded with the truth.
For instance: One day, when Charley and Andrea were small, they came to me. I was sitting on the couch in our farmhouse in Bridgeport, Oregon, reading. We had a wood stove in those days, which put out a lot of heat, so we were always comfortable. And the sound of the crackling fire permeated our living space with a homey feel. Charley had his sister Andrea in tow, she being not much more than a toddler then.
They stood before me. I was sitting, we were almost eye-to-eye. Almost.
“Daddy?” asked Charley. “How can Santa Claus take all the presents to all the little kids in the whole world in just one night?”
I looked into their eyes; they were innocent and full of the wonders of the season. So I decided right then and there to tell them truth about Santa, as I knew it.
“Well now,” I responded. “You do know your father lacks a formal education.”
I could see they were struggling with comprehending my words, so I expanded upon the subject.
“I’ve always been a working class sort of guy,” I continued. “So I guess what I can do is explain what I know; then, after you grow up, you’ll have to investigate Santa Claus in more detail, on your own. Got it?”
They both nodded gravely. I could well see the determination written on their little faces.
“All I know,” I said, “is that its got something to do with physics.”
I then smiled at my children, thus assuring them that all was well and normal with the world before I continued. “Santa Claus is able to exist in multiple realities simultaneously. So instead of delivering the gifts one after another, he delivers them in multiple batches, all at the same time, see?”
Charley nodded, slowly, his brow furrowed in deep concentration. He was always a thinker. His sister sucked noisily at her thumb.
“But daddy,” continued Charley. “All at the same time? How can he do that?”
“Aahh, well now, that’s the trick, isn’t it?” I sat back, reached down and lifted little Andrea to my knee. Charley pulled himself up the couch and settled in next to me, cuddling close.
I shifted my voice deeper by an octave, assuming my most pompous attitude, lecturing the children in near stentorian tones. “Now we enter the realm of relativistic physics.”
“Wow!” exclaimed Charley. His sister still sucked noisily at her thumb, but her eyes grew wide.
“Santa Claus is able to vibrate the atoms of his body at relativistic velocities. And he’s able to establish sympathetic vibrations in the surrounding reality, which causes time to stand still. After delivering some presents, he then travels into another reality, delivers more presents, then causes time to stand still there, too. He does this over and over again during Christmas Eve. When he’s done delivering all the gifts, he gets into his sleigh, starts traveling toward his basecamp, which is at the North Pole, or so I’ve been told. During this journey he passes back through all these realities, and stops the sympathetic, relativistic vibrations, and thus everything returns to normal, see?”
“Whoa!” exclaimed Charley. “That’s so cool. But Daddy, how does Santa get from one realty to another?”
“It’s pronounced reality,” I replied. “And that’s why Santa’s reindeer are so important.”
Andrea pulled her thumb from her mouth. She swung her head around over her shoulder in order to face her brother.
“Reindeer.” She said in her distinctly lispy voice. “I like reindeer. They’re pretty.”
Charley made a face.
“Aahh, Santa’s reindeer,” I said, lifting Andrea from my knee and standing her on the floor before me. Charley then climbed down from the couch to take his place next to his sister, jostling her off to the side a little.
“I’m afraid that subject’s somewhat more complicated than what you children can handle right now. Perhaps when you’ve grown up a bit, and assuming you study physics in school, maybe, at some future time, we’ll discuss Santa’s reindeer in detail. Especially the part about how they haul Santa from one reality to another. Okay?”
“Okay, Dad,” the children replied in unison. Off they went, hand-in-hand, smug with their new knowledge -- off to do whatever it is small children do just before Christmas comes, leaving me to my thoughts, such as they were.
PART II -- CHARLEY AND ANDREA LEARN ABOUT SANTA'S REINDEER
Well, Charley and Andrea are all grown up now. I guess they’re old enough to learn about the reindeer’s role in helping Santa distribute all the gifts to children on Christmas Eve.
Charley and Andrea are way too old to sit on their daddy’s knee or cuddle up next to him any more, so I guess I’ll have to explain about the reindeer here online. Somehow, that seems fitting, given the tenor of the times. It is the 21st Century you know.
As I previously explained to my children, I lack a formal education. So when we discuss the following, I honestly don’t know if I’m referring to neutrons or neutrinos. Could be either -– I’ll get back to you after I do further research. In any case, in the following explanation, I’ll use the term “neutrons,” but we could actually be discussing neutrinos.
Previously, I explained how Santa Claus stops time by vibrating his physical incarnation at relativistic velocities.
Now, we’re going to discuss how quantum physics allows the reindeer to haul Santa through time.
You see, Charley and Andrea, we humans have lost touch with our spirituality. Because of our outsized brains, we’ve come to rely much more on logic and thought, less so on feelings.
Other animals don’t think as much. Many animals don’t think at all. Since they’re not diverted by thought, they’re much more in contact with their spirits –- with the spirit world in general.
Aboriginal peoples call it the spirit world. We know it as another dimension.
In that dimension, there exists no matter, therefore, there are no neutrons.
And neutrons (remember, we could actually be referring to neutrinos, here) –- neutrons cause time to flow.
The relationship of neutrons to time is very similar to the relationship that magnetism has to electricity.
In other words, the flow of electricity can cause magnetism. And the movement of magnetism can cause electricity. So likewise, the passing of time causes the flow of neutrons (universal expansion and gravity), and the movement of neutrons can cause the passing of time. (whew)(gotta think about that one)
Now, I assume you know that Santa appears to have the powers of magic. My second favorite Science Fiction writer of all time was Sir Arthur C. Clarke. And he created a quotation that I favor very much.
ANY SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM MAGIC. -- Arthur C. Clarke
The primitive, unenlightened hominids that currently infest the surface of our poor, ravaged planet are unable to perceive that Santa is not using magic. He’s using advanced technology in conjunction with the reality of the “so called” spirit world, which is in actuality just another dimension.
Here’s how it works.
Santa’s sled is a time machine.
And time machines are able to travel through time by entering the spirit world (dimension) where there is no time because of no neutrons.
Here’s where the reindeer come into play. Because of their innate spirituality, the reindeer are able to guide Santa and his sleigh through the spirit world and back to all the places where Santa stopped time after delivering the presents.
Got it?
You might ask, “Chuck, how do you know this?”
Well, Santa himself told me. Well, he didn’t actually tell me, per se. Once, while he and I were having a conversation, he inserted the knowledge into my brain. Think about Sir Arthur C. Clarke’s quotation above.
You see, I met Santa once. We had quite a talk. He then gave me a gift. It was a gift I really liked.
Ahhh. . . I remember it well. It was Christmas Eve, 1968, near the Cambodian border of Vietnam , not far from the village of Loc Ninh
I am myself -- please forgive the following conceit -- I am myself gifted with a pronounced sensitivity. I can feel things others cannot or will not perceive.
So I’m there, on the ground, in the prone position, rifle at the ready. Suddenly I felt a presence right next to me. Slowly, I turned my head, and . . .
I’d better stop here. We’ll, save the rest of the story of my conversation with Santa for a FUTURE POST.
I am amused.
‘til next time
Yore[sic] blogger
Chuck aka C.E. Gee aka Pappy
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