There's a lot of new things in our lives, but a lot of same-old. Not that I can complain about that. Life is steady and Constant. For a while I was like, eh, don't want to go out. Don't want to do anything. Don't want to see anyone. Don't want to do a damn things. Constantly. I can blame the prolonged winter for that. I will.
Brian started a brand new job today and it's a big one. A GUJ* the kind we have dreamed about him getting and now it's real. He's pretty overwhelmed at this stage, so I won't say too much. But when he is nervous, overwhelmed, and feeling scared I feel those things too. I guess that comes with being soulmates, or life-long companions, or whatever. It sounds like I'm describing us as lobsters or something. Maybe I am, it kind of makes sense.
As for me, I'm still slinging wireless like a new age cowboy. It's not too bad, actually. I'm pretty happy but I am missing a bit of my edge. When I was unemployed after our wedding I ventured into the wide world of radio-land as a volunteer. It was uncomfortable, nerve-wrecking. I wasn't very good at it, I think. In fact, I was probably so bad they would call me in as a last resort. I had an interview to be a temporary member but, of course, I bombed the interview. Sometimes in life you aren't special, you don't have "the stuff" the employer is looking for. But you can always be grateful that they gave you a little peek into what could have been.
I met someone a couple of weekends ago that is working towards her dream. She's doing the radio thing, and the journalism thing. Megan's put in the work and continues to. She's an interesting, friendly person. We shared a hotel room and she told me of her adventures in pursuit of her dreams. It was inspiring, it made me feel bad for being an old-lady who gives up sometimes. It's something so ingrained into my being that it happens without me realizing it. I always figured that I was a certain kind of person who wasn't able to be charismatic because of the introverted box I have shoved myself into. Megan reminded me that simplifying myself in such a way has not done me any good.
Constant can be good for a while, like how I know that when I wake up everyday there will be a cat trying to claw at my face to tell me it's time to eat. I actually feel like doing things these days. I have to stop some constant behavior though, like the constant thought process I have where I just won't measure up. Because maybe I won't and maybe I will and maybe it doesn't really matter.
Strangers and my husband inspire me to shake it up once in a while.
