I've been on a blogging hiatus for quite some time now and thought to get back into it. It started off as a thing I did back in 2000 to share my life with friends. That turned in to sharing it with strangers too. I've made some friends along the way, had some adventures. I tried to really do something with it, what that something was supposed to be, I'm not sure anymore.I was so young and had a hard time seeing into the future.

Somewhere along the way I lost my courage. My voice. Now, I'm coming up to my 29th birthday and I still have a hard time seeing into the future. It became hard to blog, to take photos, to really just do the things I loved doing. But we can talk about that later.


I'm 34 weeks pregnant. Why didn't I start blogging when I found out I was carrying? Well, the first time I found out I miscarried. It happened last summer and it was not pleasant. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to scream about it. Nothing felt more painful and more humiliating, yet it was just "one of those things that happens" according to doctors, nurses, friends, and family. There was nothing I did to make it happen and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. It took me a while for those to really sink in. I was kind of a wreck.


We went to Scotland in the fall of last year, had an amazing time and came home with good news. I actually got a really bad flu and it took me a very long time to recover from that, mixed with the earliest signs of pregnancy it was one of those "huh, I guess I'm not puking because of that plane ride 4 weeks later" moments.

We bought a car. We moved out of Kingston to the country. We rented a small blue house. We did a lot of things, worked a lot, spent money, saw friends and family, went through good times and bad times and just regular old times. There's so much to dig up I'll be sitting here all day trying to put it all together.


The first trimester was all about puking and sleeping and eating nothing but unsalted crackers and orange juice. The second trimester was about looking cute and feeling a little bit better, excited even. Now that I'm nearing the end, the third trimester is about waddling and not fitting into any of my maternity clothes and being too stubborn and broke to buy new ones.


Am I ready? I don't think I will ever be. Ask any parent if they were ready and they might say they were, they might laugh in your face. I have no idea what's in store and I don't know if I'm prepared home-wise. There are so many things we still need to baby-proof and I've lost count of those essential baby items you are supposed to have.

Oh, and we're not finding out the gender. Mostly because I don't care either way, and partly because it drives people insane and I love watching people squirm.


So, here we are. No time to fill in the gaps. Just moving forward. I kind of have to now because soon I will be a mother and up to my neck in diapers and feedings and tears and snot. I'm excited. Nervous, Scared. Terrified. Just like I was about starting up the blog again, about photography, about doing anything that involves risk. I'm just lucky to have Brian in my corner, he's been ready to be a father for years. I've got good support and I think I good head on my shoulders.

We'll be okay.