By Jonathan Barnes

One of my favorite conservative political writers, who I won’t name since I respect him too much, recently bragged in a column about getting laid. It was off-putting, because though this esteemed journalist was just having fun, his comments reminded me of how one should treat his family.

I couldn’t imagine his comments on getting laid were much appreciated by his Wife, much less his children, since every conservative knows some things should stay private.

The columnist, who I admire for many reasons, had a problem of screwing  around on his wife in the past, but they’ve stayed together. He clearly adores his lovely Christian gal, and regrets having hurt her in the past. But still, though being a devout Christian, he sometimes brags about his past conquests, and about being a cad and a partier and I understand, since I also have been a cad in the past, and still feel the tug of partying some (though far less than when I was young).

We all have our demons and must deal with them as best we can, hopefully with the Lord’s help. That said, we should be careful not to alienate our Loved ones and friends, too, because our sin can lead to others’ sin. When we belittle the sacred gift of monogamous, heterosexual love between a man and a woman who are committed to each other, we spread the message that sexuality is a game to play.

The columnist’s tenderness towards his wife is an endearing quality, and very admirable. However, when he talks publicly about being a cad, or about a conquest (however long ago), he kind of gives the lie to his fidelity, and sort of tarnishes the adoration he showers on his wife.

Whether or not we are secretly proud of our past (or current) Sins, we shouldn’t be bragging about them because pride is a sin; bragging about sins gives the lie to our contrition for those sins; and because we set a bad example when we brag.

Since relativism is the great universal leveler that is pulling down many unsuspecting and unprepared people into an amoral quagmire, we Christians, however imperfect each of us may be, need to set an example as best we can. Indeed, we are called to set an example and to preach the word. Part of that involves sometimes calling out our brothers and sisters in Christ on their behavior.

I must admit upfront that I am divorced, though I once was married for many years to a fellow Christian. We gave it a good long try, but the marriage got really ugly, and unlivable for us both.

I haven’t re-married, or even been in a long-term relationship since divorcing years ago. That’s on me, I know. But my former wife and I have stayed (platonic) friends, and help each other with things on occasion. I was at her bedside years back when she was ill, as I believe she would’ve been for me if our places were reversed. I know we still love each other, but not in the way we did. I believe ideally, marriage is a lifetime contract; so I failed badly in that respect.

I mention all of this to admit I’m no holier than the aforementioned columnist. Indeed, he’s probably much holier than me on my best day, by a long shot. I’m a lousy sinner, but trying. Part of how I try is by pointing out wrongs that my life experience taught me are not just sin, but may be damaging to others.

So I must point out that when a husband or a father boasts about his sins, and of course when he persists in egregious sins such as philandering, it’s a momentary abandonment of his role as husband or father. He may be good in every other way, but if he screws around on his wife, or beats her, or verbally abuses the kids, he abandons his responsibility, and abandons his loved ones. And they experience such lapses as abandonment.

To defend patriarchy in this age when even the government is doing its best to tear down the nuclear family, Christian men must try to always be their best. We must be demonstrably good men, and an example. That means being consistent—as our loved ones and family count on us to be, even if we aren’t married or have children. Fooling around on the girlfriend or wife, slapping around the kids, or sulking in a corner by yourself instead of being there for the loved ones who need you, is inconsistent. Strong Christian men may not always be stoic, but they must always try to be morally consistent.

I’m thankful to have lived as long as I have, and to have been given so many opportunities to write, and love, and enjoy life with friends and loved ones. Through my life experience, I’ve come to believe that thankfulness is the beginning of grace. We all should be thankful because it’s good, and (more selfishly) because it opens our perspective to see more opportunities and blessings on the horizon.

The Bible says the beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord.  So, let’s center ourselves first, by dwelling on the blessings Heaven has given us. Perhaps thankfulness to the Lord and fear of the Lord go hand in hand. We can’t really disregard the Almighty if we are feeling thankful for our blessings.

Also, we can use that thankful centering to temper our own passions (with prayer and God’s help), so that we can be consistent men who support others, and are examples to them.

Jonathan Barnes is an American freelance writer based in Pittsburgh, PA. This story, and all stories and copy and photos on his personal blog, Barnestormin, are his property unless otherwise stated. They are not free for others to use, without direct and recent permission of the author.