Last night I came home from work, unloaded the dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher, and threw an organic frozen pizza in the oven. Then I felt very sad. This is not the life I want. I want to make healthy food. I want to spend the day with my son exploring nature, making things, reading, and just plain being there for him. I don't want to be rushed and tired all the time.
What kind of life is that?
I have kept this blog at arm's reach so I don't get too personal, but I feel like it's time to get a bit personal so I can work through this turmoil and conflicting feelings and maybe help another struggling mom in the process.
I like working. I've worked since I was a junior in high school. But working a regular job just doesn't fit into my life anymore. The rushed story time at bedtime, skipping the occasional bath time because I just don't have the energy, and daily convenience foods just aren't cutting it anymore.
I currently have a full time 40 hour a week job, I recently picked up a side job, I'm an online student, and I have a website/Etsy shop selling jewelry I make. My husband works a full time second/third shift job, but he has no plans to change that at this time.
Ideally I'd like to blog, make and sell jewelry, and work my side job. These three things allow so much flexibility that I'd be able to work primarily at night or when my son is in preschool.
But how do I get there?
- I need to finish paying off some medical debt.
- I need to finish paying off a car repair.
- I need to build up our emergency fund.
- I need to save up for a used car.
- I need to price out health insurance because I carry my own currently through work.
- I need to source out more streams of income.
- I need to develop a spending plan so I know how much money I'd have to make.
I wish I knew before I became pregnant that I didn't want to be a working mom. Then I wouldn't have this struggle now. But all I can do is formulate a plan and move forward. It can happen. It will happen.
I understand that there are many benefits to being a working mom like contributing to a retirement plan, being relevant in the workforce, Paying into social security, and being a good role model, and those are all valid benefits. For me, working a Regular Job makes me so unhappy, and I can see how my family is suffering. I love my job, and it is bittersweet to admit that it doesn't make me happy anymore. I want to be at home and work around my family - not the other way around.
Are you a working mom? Do you want to stay at home? How do you plan to get there?