Chapter 1

Ayn’s feet sunk further below the freezing water by the weight of the burden placed on her heart.  Thoughts emanated after every beat, sting her mind like harsh sand-filled winds upon bare skin. With each wave that rolled out, she sunk deeper. The water washed through her ankles as if she had always been there, removed from the flow of time. 

A thought was making its way through the maze in her mind. A maze of ever-changing pathways where whispers echo around every corner. Her feelings pushed this thought to the surface as it grabbed other thoughts and feelings and memories on its way up. It dressed in doubt and denial and pain and fear until it eventually formed in a coherent sentence she could articulate, yet not truly believe.

“If I can survive, Jordan can too.” 

She opened her eyes to the empty night that surrounded her, not recognising where she was standing. The once sunset Beach where she had stood was now distorted in darkness. Ayn didn’t see the sunset nor the moon rise. It was as if she blinked and the light was no more.

Ayn looked at her phone. No Missed calls. No messages. The two men she had called earlier in the night are lost in a mist of confusion that is the outside world. 

She watched as a cargo ship slowly made its way over the horizon, approaching the halfway point between the two cliffs that enveloped the waters. Yet, Ayn’s mind was very far from the beach. She was in counseling sessions, she was in mother’s meetings, she was accounting for Edward’s business, she was anywhere but in the present. She sank deeper. 

She was up all night worrying about the kids, her husband and her marriage. Her marriage meant more to her than she allowed anyone to see, especially her husband. When eagerness is met with apathy, apathy wins. Growing up, Ayn would tell herself, “I’m in pain, but I’m eager.” Now, after fifteen years of marriage, her mantra doesn’t include the latter. 

The phone slipped from her hand. It hit the water with a sound indistinguishable from the ocean’s breath of crashing waters. The volume of the beach and the density of the night’s darkness blended everything into one shade of black, but for one feature; Ayn’s red hair subtly dancing with the wind, a gentle flame shining light in the emptiness. 

A tear rolled down Ayn’s cheek as if her teal eyes were melting. 

“How did it get to this?” She thought, as her mind searched hidden passages of memories. She remembered her early years, the times when she felt alone. Her eyes closed as they recalled the first time Edward looked into them. That moment was the first time she truly felt her own existence in the world. 

In her teen years, Any would run every day. On days when it rained, she would run longer and faster. The storm would challenge her and she would win. 

Nineteen years ago she met Edward for the first time. He was sitting behind the wheel of his white Toyota Corolla with his eyes closed as if meditating. Edward turned off his car and it made ticking and cracking sounds as it cooled down. He loved that moment of silence before opening the door to the outside world when the sudden stop of the engine creates an artificial stillness he couldn’t experience anywhere else in his life. 

As Ayn walked past his little bomb of a car, she took a side glance at him. She glanced at him the exact moment he opened his eyes. She caught a glimpse in Edward’s eyes where joy and sorrow were one and the same. As calm and nonchalant as she tried to make herself appear, Ayn tripped over herself and almost fell flat on the pavement. 

Edward didn’t even notice the starkly beautiful red hair that trailed Ayn. When he opened his eyes from the stillness in his car, he fell straight into hers. In Edward’s heart, which now beat with what he could only describe as excitement, her small tumble was the most attractive thing he had ever seen. 

“How are you going to run fourteen kilometers if you can’t even walk fourteen meters, Ayn?” She thought, shaking her head in embarrassment. She walked a little faster, imagining an overly romantic scenario in her head where he jumped out of the car and ran after her. 

The stairwell was only fifty meters away. She just had to walk at an even pace until she was in the clear to run as far away from this car park as possible. But, fifty meters felt like five hundred. 

She heard the door to his Toyota creek open and his feet scuff the concrete. She imagined his eyes on her the whole time. Her walk became less and less natural with every step as she watched herself in her mind’s eye. All the power in her eyes were concentrated on her peripheral vision, trying to see who was watching her.

Finally, she reached the car park stairwell where she maneuvered through the open door, determined not to touch anything. Her feet sped down the stairs as quickly as possible to leave the boy far behind her without him noticing that she was hurrying away. Her heart was in her throat and her vision snapped to focus on what was in front of her. 

The second time Ayn and Edwards locked eyes were when they were both standing in a crowd full of people, ready to run the City to Surf, a fourteen kilometer fun run from Sydney to Bondi Beach. Hundreds of people were there, but they only noticed each other. 

Ayn pretended to tie her shoelace. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick you up.” Edward said with an expression of exaggerated seriousness. Ayn looked at him without any control over her smile. 

“I didn’t fall,” Ayn explained, “I just tripped a little…” 

“Well, like I said, I’ll pick you up.”

Ayn smiled at him, but didn’t know what else to say, so she knelt down to re-tie her other shoelace while praying to God that her face wasn’t red. 

At the end of the day, Ayn watched Edward cross the finish line. His face wore the same expression as hers; the exhausted face that’s revealed only on runners who have passed their physical limit and can no longer hide why they are running. 

Back at the beach, Ayn pulled her feet up out of the water and walked back to dry sand. She was wrapped in a white bath towel that had a small tear down the side. The wind blew in from the ocean and gently stroked Ayn’s hair on it’s way past. She threw up her towel, like so many bed sheets before, and it caught the wind perfectly as she lay it down flat on the sand. She dropped her keys down on the towel and turned back towards the sea. 

The beach was empty and though Ayn was only walking, she felt all the muscles in her face twitching. She could feel her cheeks pull and ache as they tried desperately to contain the pain beneath. She rubbed the sides of her legs, feeling the curve between her hamstrings and her quads. They weren’t as lean as they once were, but she was comforted by the fact that underneath her motherhood was still a powerful warrior, even if she was just a shadow of what she once was. 

Memories and feelings from that day entered her mind as a light mist that inevitably left her drenched in emotion.

Her gait began to betray her now, partnering with the muscles in her face to destroy the composer that Ayn held so highly. Her steps became smaller as she hunched over her tightening abdomen. Yet further into the sea, she went. 

Ice cold waters shocked her body. She pushed forward, or rather, was drawn further into the water. She reached the point where she could hardly stand without her head submerging. Her whole body lifted from the foundations of the earth. Strong currents pushed her body in all directions bar the one she desired to go. 

It only took five seconds. Five seconds for her to realise that the current was too strong. Worry grasped her body. Panic beat through her mind. As a child looks to her parents the moment before pain manifests in a helpless cry, Ayn thought “I need help!”

The beach became hidden in the night as the moon pulled dark clouds over her eyes. Ayn desperately kicked and paddled against the current, but she had no idea which way to go. She kept straightening her body to see if she could touch the ground, but she had been pulled much further out than he thought. 

After choking and coughing up the saltwater, Ayn calmed herself down. She stopped fighting the current and only used her arms to stay afloat as her eyes searched all around her for some way out. 

But all was darkness. 

A faint light twinkles on the beach. A man runs over to it. 

It was Ayn’s phone ringing. 

Ayn floated inside the eye of her inner storm. The tornado of all her worries and fears. Inside this temporary calm was one desire. A desire for her broken soul to be wrapped around her family.  

Hours later, As her body gave in beneath the waves, she didn’t feel cold. She felt a warmth on her chest. She could feel the tiny body of her first child, Jordan, and his first shallow breath. 

Chapter 2,

The swelling In Edwards Hand had all but healed. He sat by the window of his living room with a feeling of approaching dread. He’d often had this feeling in Afghanistan before an operation went sour, or before going into a town where he knew he’d have no control over what could happen. Sometimes that feeling of helplessness led to an overcompensation that Edward never admitted was a weakness. 

***

That’s all I have for the day. I know I posted basically the same thing a few days ago, but I trimmed some fat, added some plot elements, and have set up more things to be paid off later in the story.

How are you guys going? Have you written today?