A Big Finish Audio Drama, number 43 in the Main Line

Doctor Who and the Pirates is an interesting little bit of audio for many reasons. First and foremost, I am fairly certain that this was the first ever musical Doctor Who episode. This is a prospect that normally wouldn’t make me too excited, as musicals really aren’t my thing, but somehow they make it work here. The key to their success is honestly the way this story is written, which is a variation of a classic embedded narrative. The story opens in a college dormitory of all places, when Dr. Evelyn Smythe outright imposes herself on one of her students and practically forces her to listen to a whimsical story about an adventure that she and The Doctor had facing off against ruthless pirates. What follows has to be heard to be believed! Starring Colin Baker as The Sixth Doctor and Maggie Stables as Evelyn Smythe, this was sure to be a fun story no matter what they threw at us.

“All aboard, me hearties, for a rip-roaring tale of adventure on the high seas! There’ll be rum for all and sea shanties galore as we travel back in time to join the valiant crew of the good ship Sea Eagle, braving perils, pirates and a peripatetic old sea-dog known only as the Doctor! Gasp as our Gallifreyan buccaneer crosses swords with the fearsome Red Jasper, scourge of the seven seas and possessor of at least one wooden leg! Thrill as Evil Evelyn the Pirate Queen sets sail in search of buried treasure, with only a foppish ship’s captain and an innocent young cabin boy by her side! Marvel at the melodious mayhem which ensues as we sail the ocean blue! And wonder why Evelyn still hasn’t realised that very few stories have happy endings…”

That opening scene is quite jarring at first, because as Evelyn starts narrating her adventure, one can tell that the student, Sally, wants absolutely no part of this intrusion. Evelyn makes it clear that she HAS TO listen to her no matter what. It takes a while for the audience to get an idea of exactly why she, and later The Doctor, are there in the first place. Evelyn is also, quite humorlessly, not exactly the most reliable narrator. She leaves information out and often fills gaps in with goofiness that is obviously made up on the spot. My favorite instance of this was a scene involving a crew of pirates basically introducing themselves, all with the same voice actor and named such imaginative names as John Johnson and Jim Jimson. Other characters are quite camp, voiced in a way that even John Waters would feel is a bit too much. While what we hear are voice actors putting on these voices, one can assume that Evelyn is sitting there doing her best community theater version of how a pirate would talk.

Once The Doctor arrives, fashionably late of course, all bets are off. He apparently has a real itching for musical theater and has created his own versions of musical numbers from the HMS Pinafore by W. S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan. One of the cliffhanger stings is literally everyone being upset that he was about to start singing! The third episode is basically entirely a musical and the cast does a great job of making everything sound far bigger than what I’m sure the production was, as well as telling a compelling narrative. It is at this time that we finally learn why this episode is even happening, which involves Sally and is actually quite sad. I’m not one hundred percent sure that the light-hearted, often whimsical, nature of this story matches the overall tone of why it is happening, but by balancing the two halves the production staff did an excellent job.

While Big Finish could have delivered a bog-standard Pirates of the Caribbean rip-off with this story, they went the extra mile to create something weird and off-the-rails and by doing so may have created one of the more enjoyable little experiments in the whole line-up. Despite not being a “musical guy,” I thought this was pretty enjoyable, largely due to the humor and absurdity of what was happening at times. There is a great bit of sadness involved with why the story is happening, but nothing ever feels oppressive or hopeless. Colin Baker and Maggie Stables once again cement the fact that they are one of the best pairings in the history of the franchise, and I really can’t get enough of them!

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