In the springtime our Church would have what was called decoration day when everyone would come

       The one thing about spending all day at church was that up until the late 1970s there was only an outhouse – no indoor toilets.  The only indoor plumbing was a sink in the small fellowship hall.  The sink was installed only after a problem with the well behind the church and the county finally had installed a water line nearby. The church only got indoor restrooms when the congregation voted to enlarge the fellowship hall and redecorate the sanctuary back in 1978.  That was the official reason that indoor toilets were installed, but the fact that the outhouse burned to the ground was the real reason they finally relented. 

       The outhouse for the church was located across the old dirt road that ran on one side of the church then which connected to the paved road running in front of he church.  You had to follow a path back about 20 feet to get to the outhouse which was ironically surrounded by thorny blackberry bushes and sticky cedar trees.  Teenage boys, thinking they were being funny, would leave blackberry thorns or cedar twigs on the outhouse seat.  You always had to look at the seat before you closed the door of that unlit outhouse.  To put things simply, the outhouse was awful to us kids used to indoor toilets; however, most of the church members were older and didn’t have a problem with outhouses. Thankfully, the Lord answered the prayers of us kids who were terrified to go to the bathroom at church by letting it burn completely to the ground.

       The day it happened didn’t start out any differently than any other decoration day.  The ladies who sang in the church choir met that morning in the church sanctuary to practice some songs for the singing that Sunday. Fred Rogers and Percy Smith, both retired, decided to come early before the others to take care of some big jobs and get them out of the way.  Most everybody else would come after lunch and lay flowers on graves, mow grass, and do a general clean up around the church.  People used to come and have picnics on the church grounds but had stopped doing that years ago.  Now they came and did what they needed to do, then raced back home (no restrooms, you know, except the outhouse).

       Fred had an idea on how to get rid of the honeysuckle and weeds around the old cement block shed located just down from the church outhouse.  He had bought a large propane torch that connected by a long rubber hose to a 20 lb propane tank. Fred said that he was going to “fire and brimstone the heck outta some honeysuckle vines”.  He practiced around the cemetery gate and the chain link fence surrounding the cemetery, and he was amazed by how effective the glowing blue flame destroyed every weed it touched.  However, Fred got overconfident and didn’t realize that the grass in the cemetery was a little to dry coming out of winter.  The torch had burned a big swath of honeysuckle vine that fell onto the grass, catching the grass on fire.  Fred had gone about 25 feet along the fence line when he finally noticed that the cemetery was on fire.  For decades, the cemetery had been bare of grass, covered in just dirt and gravel, like many Southern cemeteries; it had only been grassed over because folks figured it would be nicer looking. It was now going back to its roots, as the fire raced across the dry dead stubble of grass.  Percy, who had been working on his chainsaw, looked up and then ran toward the cemetery to help Fred stomp out the fire.  The two men were hootin’ and hollerin’ as they stomped the ground. 

       Edna Springdale heard them and came racing out of the church along with other ladies of the choir.  They had been practicing for the church singing that Sunday and had gotten halfway through “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” when Edna heard the commotion outside.  The only person who had not run outside was Margie Sims, the church pianist.  Margie really got into her piano playing, and she would get to singing as loud as she played.  She didn’t notice that the choir had left until well into the third verse, the verse in the song that asked, “Do your friends despise, forsake thee?”

       Fred, Percy and the half a dozen ladies from the choir eventually put out the fire, but the damage was done- the cemetery was a black sooty mess. Percy said that they could get some gravel and cover it.  Fred figured that was probably the best advice, so he loaded up into Percy’s truck and they drove over to Percy’s house to see about some gravel and sand. The ladies made their way back to choir practice, welcomed back by Margie who was now chewing a stick of Juicy Fruit gum she had found in her purse.  She figured chewing some gum would help keep herself focused on what was going on around her.  What no one had realized was that Fred had, upon seeing the cemetery burning, taken the propane torch and tank over to the shed and just set it down before running to put out the fire.  He had not released the pilot light button on the torch, which eventually ignited the pine straw on which it was lying.  No one noticed the smoking embers due to all the smoke already in the air.

       Fred and Percy weren’t gone long.  Percy had forgotten his house key.  He had been using it to clean his chainsaw blade.  He had left it laying on the grass beside the chainsaw when he went to help put out the cemetery fire.  When they turned the curve, they both saw the woodpile beside the shed and the shed roof in full blaze.  The fire was also burning quickly up the hill toward the church outhouse.  Dry pine straw, old dead cedar limbs and old blackberry canes were fueling the fire almost as well a gallon of kerosene would have.

       Once again Fred and Percy started to try to stomp out what they could and were working up a sweat.  But fire had too much fuel and had gotten too big.  It wasn’t long before the flames reached the outhouse.  The two men stood there watching the outhouse begin to burn as the choir began to sing, “Love Lifted Me”.

       “When noth-ing else else could help, Love lift-ed me!” the ladies sang, as Margie’s fingers pounded the keys with spirit.

       Unknown to everyone was the fact that Beau Johnson had been using the outhouse for illegal purposes.  There was a large step up at the outhouse.  It was like a big wooden box covered by a wide plank.  Well, Beau had lifted the plank and been hiding some jugs of moonshine from his still in there.  These were the big glass jugs that they used for pickled eggs - four of them fit perfectly under the step, completely hidden away.  Beau figured no one would ever bother to search a church outhouse.  Of course, no one ever expected it to burn down either.

       Fred and Percy were still watching when the outhouse began to lean.  The orange flames had completely consumed the small structure, causing to lean and to sway a bit before it finally just collapsed.  When it collapsed, the weight of the falling hot wood busted the four jars of hidden moonshine.  The stockpile of moonshine ignited when the fire touched it – BOOM!  The resulting explosion knocked Fred and Percy backward.  Inside the church, the loud boom of ignited moonshine caused Margie to swallow her gum.  Edna and a couple of the other ladies dropped to the floor.