Namaste England Movie Review Rating: 1/5 Stars (One star!)

Star Cast: Arjun Kapoor, Parineeti Chopra, Aditya Seal, Alankrita Sahai

Director: Why, Vipul Amrutlal Shah, Why?

What’s Good: The temptation to sleep you get while watching the film and the rest depend on your theatre, if it’s well made then seats, air-conditioning, fragrance & a lot more!

What’s Bad: The movie isn’t bad! Bad is an understatement for such films, bad is still a good word, but if we’ve to begin with let’s say – everything!

Loo Break: Apart from interval, you can take a loo break the whole time because you need some popcorn & beverages!

Watch or Not?: Interesting question! Even if someone puts a gun on your head, heaven is beautiful my friend!

User Rating: 

So, Namaste England has a story! Though however crappy it is but it has a story. Param (Arjun Kapoor) stalks Jasmeet (Parineeti Chopra) but just on festivals. It starts with Diwali, goes on to Holi then Baisakhi & in the end he gets a genius idea of getting close to her. “Let’s get someone married! The guy should be from our group and the girl from Jasmeet’s,” because as per Param a wedding is the perfect occasion to win your love (claps in slow motion). The wedding arrives and they both get close in a single meeting (not because they both were star-crossed lovers but because script demanded so). Jasmeet is an ambitious girl who roots for feminism in every single scene, until she gets married to Param.

After the marriage, we’re taken ahead a year and we see Jasmeet & Param dreaming about England (WHERE THE F VANISHED YOUR AMBITIONS Jasmeet!) Year later, we see how Param is still struggling to get his Visa approved for England. Struggling because at his wedding he beat up his friend who’s a hot-shot and in revenge that ‘hamare-chacha-vidhayak-hai’ type guy claims that Param will never get any Visa in his life. Jasmeet says she will go on a work Visa and Param follows her illegally via Baghdad and Brussels. How he convinces her to come back to India is what the rest of the story is about.

Namaste England Movie Review: Script Analysis

What shocked me is it took man-hours of two people to write this script. With movies like Yamla Pagla Deewana, Ishqeria, Ranchi Diaries, Bhoomi you know what to accept but Namaste England stoops a level even below than these. With over 2 hours and 20 minutes of nonsense happening on-screen, this film has literally nothing to offer. Referring to the title of Akshay Kumar’s classic Namaste London, the makers have attempted an unforgiving blasphemy.

Arjun tries to fake-smile like Akshay (brace yourselves), there’s a patriotic monologue as Namaste London but it’s nowhere near to it and how you wish BJP’s ‘Mera Desh Badal Raha Hai’ should play in the background. From pop-feminism to jingoism and “A girl shouldn’t work to earn, she should just be at home to have kids” kind of thing, Namaste England is the stupidest thing to happen to Bollywood in last few years. Also, you need some talent to make an actor like Satish Kaushik look annoying on screen.

Namaste England Movie Review: Star Performance

Arjun Kapoor hams like there’s no tomorrow! From the scene one, it was visible how Vipul wanted to make this with Akshay but because of such lousy script he managed to get Arjun onboard. Apart from dressing well in some scenes, there’s no major contribution from Arjun or for that matter anyone else in the film.

Parineeti Chopra annoys the life out of you. I, for a fact, agree to how beautiful she’s as an actress and hence this film breaks my heart even further. Be in emotional scenes or comical, she has got some of the worst lines ever written for a Hindi film.

Alankrita Sahai looks hot & she might be the only reason why I hated second half less than the first one. Acting wise, she’s pretty average but less annoying than the others. To add to the irritation, we’ve Shreya Mehta, making a weird noise with her tongue and deafening Mallika Dua.

Namaste England Movie Review: Direction, Music

Vipul Amrutlal Shah was either high when he agreed to do such script or this was intentionally done to torture people. He miserably fails as the captain not even for a second you’ll feel this is the same guy who made Namaste London. His direction is poor and it’s also because of the aimless story.

Music was the USP of Namaste London and the same thing breaks the spirit of Namaste England. Not a single song of Mannan Shah clicks. Even Atif Aslam’s Tere Liye, which sounded good without the movie, falls flat because of situation in the film. Badshah’s Bhare Bazaar also pales in the movie & Proper Patola appears in the end credits (Stay if you still have some patience left).

Namaste England Movie Review: The Last Word

All said and done, there are good films, there are bad films, there are movies like MSG: The Messenger, Gunda, Race 3 and then there’s a movie like Namaste England. If you’re going to watch Badhaai Ho and are unable to get the tickets, come back home and watch Namaste London.

One star! (Only for the spot boys & people on low-pay scale who weren’t aware with what they’re connected to.)

Namaste England Movie Trailer

Namaste England Movie releases on 18th October 2018.

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