By Books Author Denise Turney
It’s easy to Fall in Love when you’re young. It’s easy to fall in love when you haven’t had your heart broken. But, go through the heartache of divorce or even a non-marital breakup and you could become reluctant to enter a new romantic relationship.
And, who could blame you? After all, you’re merely trying to protect yourself.
Give yourself chance to enjoy a loving relationship
Yet, self-protection has a cost. The highest cost is living with an invisible wall around your heart and your mind, a wall that no one can penetrate. If you’ve experienced this, you might feel alone, isolated or like no one understands you. In addition, you might start to believe that you’re simply not someone who will ever enjoy a loving, romantic relationship.
But, what if you’re wrong? What if you can fall in love again. What if your next relationship could actually be rewarding, enriching, empowering and inspiring?
Prepping your inner being for love
To enjoy a healthy relationship, make sure that your inner being is healthy. Signs that you are inwardly healthy include:
- Freedom from suspecting other people of doing wrong when there has been absolutely nothing done or said that would indicate that another person has intended to harm you
- No interest in searching through your partner’s cell phone simply because you want to be certain that you’re not being cheated on (again when there has been no indication of infidelity)
- Engaging in a variety of interest (e.g. sports, crafts, traveling)
- Appreciation for the chance to experience new events, conversations, etc. with your partner and others
- Lack of obsession
- Strong support system of friends and family
- Connections with people who are positive and improving their lives
- Taking full responsibility for yourself
- Daily routines that encourage physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Examples include exercising, meditating, nature walks, keeping an appreciation journal, worship of the Creator and resting.
Acknowledge your self-worth
You’re right. It takes work to maintain a good level of inner health, especially in this world where there are long work hours, financial challenges, family demands and harsh environmental shifts. Yet, it’s doable and so worth it.
In fact, just as you brush your teeth and shower or bathe every day, it takes daily actions to maintain inner health. You need good inner health to attract other people who are committed to being inwardly healthy. Simply reading self-help books doesn’t count. You and your partner need to take the right actions to enjoy inner health.
If this is new to you, start by acknowledging your self-worth. Below are a few shortcuts that could help you acknowledge your self-worth:
- Engage in hobbies or work that you love. For me, that’s writing page turning novels! Oh, and I also love to interview artists on Off The Shelf Books Talk Radio
- Remind yourself that other people’s opinions do not give you real worth
- Try something new once a month. For example, you could drive a new way to or from work, go swimming if you haven’t been to a pool in years, ride a bike, travel someplace new or try a different food.
- Be patient with yourself. You’re learning.
- Recall past successes.
- Remember that your worth is not tied to what you do, how much money you have, who you know, what you weigh or where you live.
- Say “I love you” to that gorgeous woman or man in the mirror!
You just might be ready to fall in love
Can you fall in love again? Of course, you can. In fact, falling in love with someone who is ready to love you may get easier after you acknowledge your self-worth and get your inner self healthy.
To fall in love again, you also need to open up to the idea of being in a romantic relationship. Turning away from loving people, doesn’t signal that you’re welcome to romantic love. After all, just as you don’t want to be rejected, the person who’d like to approach you, doesn’t want to be rejected either.
A final thought, you’re never going to know everything that’s going to happen to you in this world. And why would you? In fact, opening up to surprises is part of being in love. As you start to acknowledge your self-worth more, work on your inner health and take full responsibility for yourself, surprises may stop being viewed as risks to you.
They might become opportunities to grow, have fun, avoid boredom and stay engaged in the details of your life. Surprises also might serve as a pathway into deeper, richer, fuller love experiences that you treasure with your partner. So, like Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me, you just might be ready to try romantic love again.
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