Alright. The Last Jedi is headed to theaters in a matter of a few days. What better way to celebrate than with a rant on the fan base and even haters?

The Star Wars fan base and haters are some of the most two-faced, hypocritical groups in all of pop culture. As someone who has been growing up with this franchise since the nineties when the special edition re-releases made their way into theaters, I cannot stand it anymore. Where do we even start?

There's the Santa Claus lookalike known as George Lucas. Let me put it this way: nobody in the Star Wars fan-base likes George Lucas. We merely tolerate him simply because he can direct movies and he isn't Tommy Wiseau. Now he is nothing more than the shadow of his former self, having sold his franchise and studio to Disney because even he can't stand what the fan-base has become. It's not even that, either. This man boasts that making money through movies is an act of monstrosity, yet this man was the forerunner of movies as a merchandising vehicle, on top of milking his work to death with the 'special editions' and constant collector items.

Really, George, are you for real? You release 'special editions' of your work with 'updates' like eyesore CGI and you don't take into account of how that's hypocritical? You give it away to Disney because of what it's become in addition to the toxic fans and haters, and then you become so disgruntled with what Star Wars is now that you're going to get the reigns back and change it to your ideal vision. It's utterly groan-worthy.

That said, he's tame compared to other people involved with Lucasfilm. Like the CEO everyone loves to hate known as Kathleen Kennedy. Kathleen has become the target of fans and haters alike thanks to her non-existent 'feminist agenda' simply because of Rey and Jyn Erso. This is ignoring the presence of strong, stand-up females in Star Wars like Leia Organa and Padme Amidala, as well as Ahsoka and Shaak Ti, in addition to villanous female characters like Mara Jade Skywalker, the throwaway bounty hunter Zam Wesell, Aurra Sing from the commercial Vigilante 8 mod known as Star Wars: Demolition, Ysanne Isard from the X-Wing novels, Admiral Dalla, Roganda Ismaren and Asajj Ventress.

Asides from that, she's been the target of the fan-base also because of her mafia-like behavior: if you do what she says, you'll be granted a good chunk of the production process. If not, you're cut because of 'creative differences', regardless of whether you've done anything good in your career.

That's ignoring that former Episode IX director Colin Trevorrow's finest work was Jurassic World, a reboot of Jurassic Park that was merely average at best and only made money on nostalgia alone. In a way, it's good that he was kicked because he more than likely would have tainted the reputation of the franchise faster than EA did with their loot boxes in Battlefront 2k17. And yes, I'm calling the games by year to avoid confusion.

And then there's JJ Abrams, a director who also has been known to have been called talent-less because of his power to revive franchises via supposed rehashes and retreads. I want to point out that I have a vendetta with Abrams simply because of a TV show called Lost, aka the biggest waste of time in TV history. Better shows have been canned after three seasons tops, yet Lost gets double that amount and a series finale that makes Neon Genesis Evangelion's look modest. True, Damon  Lindelof was the 'genius' of the show, but he can't write a story to save his sorry self and has zero understanding of even the basic concepts of storytelling.

Back on topic, JJ has also been the target of fans and haters. Insults like Jar Jar or Jew Jew Abrams are commonplace with the fans not familiar with his work. He's merely average at best, like Colin Trevorrow before him, but at least he's also competent in his work. While people mostly remember him for the Star Trek films and Lost, he's also done classics along the lines of Alias and Felicity. Unfortunately, even the high school drama known as Felicity is not immune to the whole 'A Wizard Did It' trope. It shows how he has the power to pull things out of his rear end for the sake of drama in his work. And this man did 'The Force Awakens' and will be doing Episode IX because he's a Lucasfilm yes man, yet Rian Johnson gets to do an entire trilogy on top of a TV series in spite of only having done one movie that people don't even know if it's going to be good or not. It's utter hypocrisy.

You want to know what else is hypocrisy? The fan-base and the haters. Oh, Jesus Harold Faltermeyer Christ the fan-base and haters. If you thought even the Sonic the Hedgehog fan-base was toxic, then you haven't met the Star Wars fans and haters. This fan-base and hater group tells even the worst parts of other fan-bases to hold their beers in terms of sheer disgust and hypocrisy. I'd rather deal with the creepy fetishes and original characters than put up with a Star Wars fan and hater. Everyone talks about how loyal the fans are, but look around the web and you'll see that we're some of the most knee-jerk sacks of crap in the world. They'll talk about how Star Wars is going in a better direction one minute, and then demand that everyone and their brother be fired the next.

Speaking of which, the fan-base also wants George Lucas back in spite of people dumping on him constantly. I'd much rather have Christopher Nolan be a Star Wars director than George, JJ, or even Rian Johnson. True, Nolan has done a few select movies worth watching, but he's still considered a top tier director. Do you know how many Star Wars fans would die to have Nolan as a director? The Aztec sacrifices would pale in comparison.

This is a fan-base that is so fractured that most other fan-bases would be ashamed to know that Star Wars even exists. One camp is the diehard original trilogy that frowns down on everything else; the prequels that will happily trash anything not featuring clone troopers; the legends expanded universe camp that will hate the new canon because it's diversity friendly and makes sense, in spite of female characters being a thing even way back when and the idiotic superweapons like the Sun Crusher. For reference, the Sun Crusher was Starkiller Base in the form of a near-indestructible fighter. It could destroy entire star systems by making their suns go supernova, could no-sell the Death Star's superlaser, and destroyed capital ships by ramming them. Then there's the group that ironically hates Star Wars and the other group loving everything Star Wars to the point that it's an obsession.

In regards to the haters, however, there is a channel out there dedicated to dumping on the franchise by the name of WorldClassBullshitters. I am NOT making that name up. This is a channel where fans and haters alike go for general doom and gloom regarding the Star Wars franchise, but also to relish in their hypocrisy. One video even discusses how the brand is worthless and dead under Disney, never mind the abuse of marketing and how nobody buys the toys because crack is cheaper. In fact, the channel name is perfect for their content: they really are World Class Bullshitters.

In fact, regarding everything in the fandom and hatedom alike, they both have taught me one thing. That is, the horrifying truth with both the fans and haters: we are all massive hypocrites.

We decry the rebooted continuity for being diversity friendly and politically correct yet ignore our heroes and villains alike being diverse since 1977.

We dump on the female protagonists and the heightened presences of women in the new canon but immediately look the other way regarding female characters in the older expanded universe.

We will call out Disney, JJ Abrams and Kathleen Kennedy for ruining Star Wars while ignoring that George Lucas ran his franchise into the ground during his time making the prequels.

We will boast about how successful our franchise is but will also be quick to bury any failures from our past. Remember the Star Wars Holiday Special? Super Bombad Racing? Star Wars: Obi-Wan? That Windows 98 game where you played as Luke training to become a Jedi? I sure don't.

We will call out Hollywood for churning out remake and sequel after remake and sequel and agree that George Lucas called out studios and directors making movies solely for money but conveniently bury the fact that Geroge Lucas milked his work for every cent possible and how it birthed movies as a merchandising vehicle.

We will laugh at the DC Extended Universe and their misery in the film production department but ignore that Star Wars movies as of late have been rushed out the door and altered at the last second on top of going through production members like popcorn.

We will call out Starkiller Base for being a planet sized Death Star but gloss over the Legends Expanded Universes' superweapons that told the two Death Stars to hold their collective beers.

We call George Lucas a talent-less hack but ignore that Christopher Nolan, Steven Speilberg, Ridley Scott, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Zemeckis, James Cameron, and other greatest of all time directors only have movies in the single digits worth watching in their resumes, on top of ignoring other, genuinely talent-less directors like Uwe Boll, Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich, Roger Christian, and though one's mileage may vary, Adam Sandler.

We also go on to put George Lucas on the pedestal of one of the greatest directors of our time, and then forget that he didn't care about making Star Wars great and ran the franchise like it was a multi-media corporation.

We will rage about how the Legends Expanded Universe is no longer canon, when George Lucas himself openly hated the idea of an expanded universe, viewing his own movies as the only canon.

We will hate on Robert Zemeckis' fetish for motion capture movies and making people look uncanny but ignore that the prequels abused special effects for all its worth on top of the special editions with their overdose of special effects and CGI.

We talk about how works like The Omen and Apocalypse Now suffer from troubled productions, including people dying, but ignore that Star Wars has ruined the careers of at least two people involved.

We will say that The Star Wars Holiday Special is the worst thing to come out of the franchise but defend the train-wreck known as the prequels.

We will say that Star Wars Rebels is another kiddie show but ignore that the bad guys win constantly, Darth Vader shows why he's the dreaded in Season 2's opener, and The Clone Wars was more or less a spiritual predecessor to Rebels.

We will call Jakku another Tatooine but gloss over Jedah in spite of it being a desert planet as well.

We will call Kylo Ren the most evil Star Wars character for killing fan favorite characters but ignore Director Krennic, Grand Moff Tarkin, Jabba the Hutt, Sheev Palpatine, Dr. Nuvo Vindi, General Pong Krell, Keeper Agruss, Count Denetrius Vidian, Gallis Rax, Grand Moff Lozen Tolruck, and the metric crapton of other characters from Legends and Canon expanded universes that would make the wretched hive of scum and villainy known as Mos Eisley blush with their assortment of atrocities.

We also give Kylo Ren so much hell for killing his father but Sheev Palpatine did the same thing and murdered his family in cold blood in his backstory and we don't bat an eyelash.

And then there's Rey. Good old Rey. We can't have her as a Star Wars hero. She's not a true Star Wars character. She's is the avatar of Kathleen Kennedy's feminist agenda. True, she was able to master things early and almost handed Kylo Ren his ass, but that's because she was left to fend for herself on a desert planet and more than likely had her memory erased, to say nothing of Kylo Ren being a stupid idiot like every other Star Wars character and more or less giving Rey her powers on top of the force influencing stormtroopers like they're nothing.

Even if fans and haters alike hate her, who else do we root for as a Star War hero?

-Obi Wan Kenobi: A Jedi Master who is something of a hypocrite and deliberately lied to Luke Skywalker regarding his father

-Yoda: A Jedi Master who thought the order he was a part of needed to be destroyed because it had become corrupted

-Qui-Gon Jinn: A Jedi Master who constantly told the Jedi Council to go to hell and cheated his way to victory using the force, on top of being the trainer for the man who would become Darth Vader

-THE ENTIRE JEDI COUNCIL: A group of zealots who take force sensitive children from their homes and turn them into indoctrinated soldiers

-Anakin Skywalker: The future Dark Lord of the Sith who makes Shinji Ikari look modest and has maturity and gullibility issues up the ass, in addition to his total creep factor towards Padme

-Saw Garerra: A ticking time bomb who is an outcast of the rebellion and a total extremist that makes Grand Moff Tarkin look like a nice guy

-Padme Amidala: A queen who only revealed herself as such at the last second and goes from badass to useless in the span of three movies

-Mon Mothma: A failure leader who dumps bricks and is quick to give up at the sign of an advantage they don't have

-Jar Jar Binks: A stupid idiot who only served to be trouble to everyone around him, and was responsible for the downfall of the Republic

-Galen Marek: A god mode clone who is somehow more powerful in the force than a Skywalker.

AND...

-Tyber Zann: A villain protagonist space pirate out of nowhere who somehow hands Grand Admiral Thrawn his ass a dozen times over

It's baffling that this fandom is allowed to criticize a character of one gender because they're supposedly Mary Sues and catering to someone's nonexistent agenda but we praise other characters in spite of doing things that deny the rules of Star Wars as a whole.

Even if you think I have an axe to grind, there is still one thing that is pure truth: Star Wars fans are worse than every other fanbase in the world combined. The anime fanbase has their subbing-dubbing civil war and their belief that anything Japanese is superior to all; the Sonic the Hedgehog fanbase is more divided than terrorist organizations and hate groups on top of their creepy, vomit-inducing fetishes that's pure nightmare fuel; the gaming community has a collective ego bigger than Atlas, are a bunch of knee-jerk sacks of crap, and promotes cyber-bullying as a pastime; the film community boasts about how true art is foreign and movies are about complex storytelling and shun anything franchise oriented; the comic fan-base is constantly Marvel vs DC and literally nothing else; but at least these fan-bases have some sort of dignity.

In more cases than not, the Star Wars fan-base makes these other fan-bases look like choir boys in comparison. Star Wars fans, and to an extent haters, are so full of shame it's become an analogy of everything wrong with fandom and haters alike, and how hypocritical they are. It's also everything wrong with Star Wars as a whole. This fan-base is pop culture's version of the Pittsburgh Steelers in more ways than one, and it's a perfect analogy, too.

After putting up with The Force Awakens and Rogue One, and looking at the crap-fest of the internet cultists, I came to only one firm realization: I. HATE. This fandom and the haters. Everything about these two groups disgusts me in every single form and fashion to the point that I've come to hate this franchise because of it. It's disgusting that I even liked Star Wars in my younger years, until I discovered the fans and haters and how they're the equivalent of the Jedi and the Sith and their sides of the force in Knights of the Old Republic II: they're constantly in conflict with each other but both are perfectly compatible. I also can't believe that some of the voice actors and celebrities I like hasn't spoken out regarding this hypocrisy.

Star Wars fans, I know you're mad at me. I know you want to punch that seventies or eighties computer out, but deep down you know I am right about everything I said. It's pure gold, in fact, to watch the hypocrites tear themselves apart for petty reasons and to cry about how such a franchise that has lasted forty years and sold billions is coming down in flames. It's brilliant comedy and I look forward to more of it.