There are a few people I will never doubt, nevertheless question on certain matters and that includes a boy when it comes to music. Watching him play the guitar realms me to a state of meditation… very few can be blessed with a musician on call I suppose. 

 

Flashback: A year ago, this same kid who I adore, sat on the car seemingly lost and told me as I wondered why he felt that he could never achieve anything and that he was not going to be good at anything. As I wondered where this came from, it was soon revealed to me that he had constantly gone through repeated suggestions over the past couple of months by a team of sinister-brained murderers that ruthlessly instilled in him thoughts of incompetency and hopelessness. It tore me deep when the kids revealed to me that he would be shut in a room and made to repeat sentences like, ‘I am useless’, ‘I am not good at anything and can never be good at anything’, ‘I am a loser and will never succeed’ etc. failing to comply to these demands, he would be denied food and slapped right across the face until he succumbed to these demands and repeat those suggested lines to please the murderers on the other side of the phone line and the abuser on this side. This pattern of abuse that the poor boy endured had wounded him and marked a scar that was amplified by the tears that trickled across his face as he narrated these incidents. 

The three things that stood out to me were:

1.  If a thought can be seeded through suggestion, it can be de-weeded through suggestion as well

2. Ventilation without violation was required to know the depth and truth of these incidents

3.  Resilience for the victim in terms of healing was a higher priority than rafting for restorative justice and bringing the perpetrators to task

We noticed that, physically, the boy entering into his teenage, was a little conscious of the misalignment of his teeth following the constant slapping that he was subjected to by the perpetrator. This, and an unattended injury in his arm had to be attended to first. A couple of sittings and consultations with a doctor, a dentist and later an orthodontist, helped fix these relatively simpler issues. 

For the deeper psychological rectification, the passage was a little more delicate with constant reference, guidance and learning at the corridors. When the news about the children being abandoned spread into the neighbourhood and slowly like an amoeba spread to and through the verandahs of their school and other such places, they were mocked and marked; they soon stopped going to places they otherwise regularly visited - including the playground right behind the house. Slowly, silently yet steadily, they were becoming socially alienated and refused to interact with their peers and others who teased, questioned and mocked - if not upfront, soon, behind their backs. Even recently, a group of children in a summer camp were discussing something and while I was with them, a little kid volunteered to come forward and ask the girl, "Did your mom lock you up and leave you alone in the middle of the night because she hated you so much(?)" By now, it was more of the answer than a question and she held my hand and remained silent.  

There was a mistake I initially made and did not realize until it was pointed out while dealing with this case. In a very ambitious drive to thrive on virtues and shifting between differing roles, every time the kids tried to ventilate or explain what they had gone through, especially about that one person who not only abused, betrayed and abandoned them, yet also had allowed herself to be the point of contact for the perpetrators to attack, I would constantly and consciously stop them at their thought and ask them to forgive, forget and get past the thought by replacing it with a positive thought about the same people who abused them. In other words, I was validating the abuser(s) by not allowing the children to speak about the abuses. This was pointed out to me at the right time by someone close and I took a step back and listened and sought the help of others to listen to the kids when I wasn’t sure if I had absorbed their narration of the incidents in its entirety or when there were things that the girl had to share with someone of her own gender. Help poured when people came forward and listened to them. 

After multiple conversations and cognitive rewiring using neuro-linguistic programming, the child who was more visibly affected, began to use music and art to not only heal yet also express the submerged pain. No time in my life have I sobbed so much in solitude than at times when I would listen to the songs he picked to sing or see the paintings he would leave incomplete – for the dearth of strength – and yet those that could reveal whatever his strength would allow, that could send a shiver down the spine to anyone who could understand what he had gone through.

A major part of their ordeal was poured out when they wrote a complaint about their abusers to the police. The police and lawyers, though sympathetic, are busy with multiple files to deal with and close and the complaint of the children even after their enquiry, remains as unsettled as a ghost in their shelf. Bureaucratic corridors showed us more dead ends than any crossroads or openings. These were inconclusive ordeals.   

During the past year and more, I have been a chef, butler, driver, guard and therapist. A few things  realized are:

1. No one has any business to tell my child or for that matter any child that s/he is not capable of doing something. Still, if there is a crack, everything can be set alright 

2. No government or its agencies supposed to protect children will come forward to help the way you desire. The child will be your responsibility; take it up

3. One may begin to feel that aggression towards the perpetrators can be the fastest road to justice; still, refrain. Patience ruleth the world 

Finally, when I rarely think about the perpetrators in this case, I realize that they are all blessed. God has given them everything of all that they desire and sometimes more than what they possibly deserve… children, grandchildren, house(s), vehicles, bank balance etc. and still, though they wear sacrosanct capes of imagination and self-assured thoughts of grandiosity and righteousness, are nevertheless, abusers, liars and conniving hypocrites at the end of the day. This is when I realize that, when God favours someone too much, s/he/it becomes the devil. The rest, is God’s battle and life’s drama is His battlefield; and like the barbarian stepping aside to watch the war, I can only stay, laugh and watch until the curtain call…