In keeping with Wokeism’s silly, unwelcome critical theory-based reinvention and misuse of language, James Killough has coined a few neologisms of his own as a counterbalance — those kooky thugs do love a bit of language bashing, don’t they?

Auto-Antonymic Branding

The practice of using auto-antonyms —  words “with multiple meanings (senses) of which one is the reverse of another” — to brand a Woke construct as the opposite of what it is. Examples: ‘Progressives’ are in fact regressive — there’s nothing progressive about socialism, or a politician in a hijab, a symbol of female oppression; ‘Woke’ is the opposite of enlightened freethinking; in keeping with Marxism, its foundational ideology, Wokeism is illiberal, not liberal.

Lady Charlotte Blew, So Tired He’s in the Past Tense

Charles Blow, a racist, narcissistic hick from the backwaters of Louisiana, who is astoundingly one of the more influential New York Times Opinion columnists. This is the James Baldwin-quoting monster who had Pepé Le Pew canceled for promoting “rape culture,” the nadir of the Woke Inquisition’s post-George Floyd attempt at an American version of Mao’s Cultural Revolution, a malebolge it’s been stuck in ever since.  Lady Blew uses male pronouns, but the female variants of  ‘Charles’ — Charlotte, Carlotta, Carla, Charlene, Charlize, Caroline, Carol (amazing how many there are) — are used in rotation, changed after each mention. The “So Tired…” clause is always added when he’s first introduced in a conversation, as if he’s being announced by a herald at a ball — picture Billy Porter as the Wicked Stepmother rather than the Fairy… sorry, Fabulous Godmother.

Contagious Victimhood/PTSD

When you believe you are a victim of something that happened to someone else, usually in the past — the more distant and under-documented, the better — but it can also be in the present, especially if the actual victim belongs to your own race, sex or local 12-step program. Whatever works, as long as it makes you cry at the right time in the interview. Scratchy-throat chin wobbles are acceptable.

Identitarian Alt History

A type of historian’s fallacy that cherry-picks and reframes historical events so that they fit Identitarian beliefs, usually through the bias of modern culture. It’s a favorite of both sides of the Identitarian Movement: the White-supremacist extreme Right and the Marxist racist-antiracist Left.

The 1619 Project and CRT are examples of leftwing Identitarian Alt History.

False-Flag Activism

Based on Putin’s strategy to create a fake incident within Ukraine that would justify the Russian invasion, this term is paired with the Colombian saying, “They beat the wolf until he bites, just to say he’s bad.”

For instance, by attempting to indoctrinate children with gender-affirmation “grooming,” the Woke are provoking Conservative parents to behave like parents whose children are threatened. Woke activists disingenuously point to the completely justified pushback as “transphobia” that will trigger the mythical “trans kid in the Midwest” to kill him/her/themselves.

Given that a large percentage of gender-queer activists are Midwesterners who know all the right buttons to push, it is assumed that this is some sort of payback, all of it.

Gender-Fender-Benders

Gender-queer activists when they’re acting super-crazy and rolling delusions. They’re more of a toxic-spill freight-train wreck in the Midwest than a minor car collision like a fender bender, but a good rhyme that adds significance can’t be ignored.

‘Bender’ is also a derogatory British slang term for a homosexual.

Glass-Slipper Fallacy

A form of cognitive dissonance that tries to force Cinderella’s glass slipper of objective Truth onto the Ugly Stepsister’s misshapen foot, bunioned with fake news, mendacity, and vested interest in an attempt to magic an outright lie into the truth. Just as the deceptively fragile glass slipper of truth only fits Cinderella’s foot, so too there is only one version of the truth in any given situation.

Ignorrogance

The combination of ignorance and arrogance that the Woke and other religious fundamentalists/ideologues across the political spectrum apply to their beliefs. If someone responds to a true statement like “there are only two sexes” with hate laughing, that’s ignorrogance.

Variants: ‘know-nothing know-it-all’ and ‘misinformed know-it-all.’

Karl’s Furies

The Marxist-feminist version of Charlie’s Angels, these are the high priestesses of Woke who live in the eternal darkness of academic Erebus, trying to avenge wrongs against ever-shifting constructs about White men that they have created themselves, in an attempt to convince straight women to love vag as much as they do, but most women love the White D — who doesn’t?

And now you know the real reason it’s such a shitshow out there.

Meshugganuts

A variant of ‘meshuggah,’ the Yiddish word for ‘crazy,’ sprinkled with extra nuts to kinda sound like “meshuggana,” meaning the same thing but with more syllables.

New Woke Times, The

“The Only Views That Are Fit to Print.” Yes, The Gray Lady herself, once a trusty source of balanced, reasonably objective news that you can trust. Now she’s caught in a Gordian Knot that her 19 cats tied using all her yarns while she was having a painkiller nap.

Selfie Era

Where we are in the here and now. The revolution shall be self-publicized by situational narcissists in a hall of constantly replicating warped mirrors. Being Seen! Known! Heard! is a civil right. Your opinions and emotions have civil rights, too, and that matters more than truth, reality, and science. So there!

Tinfoil Halo

The particular delusional, sanctimonious piety of the Woke. If it’s something as off-the-wall as CRT and the 1619 Project, it’s a “tinfoil halo caked with last year’s Christmas ham drippings.” Thanksgiving turkey works, too.

Whac-a-Woke

Just like Whac-a-mole, but pro-level: every time you whack a Woke trope or concept, two more appear in its place.

Woke Inquisition, The

Wokeism’s beliefs are as fictional as Christ walking on water or multiplying the fish and chips with a wave of his wand — with all due respect to the Our Wizarding Lady of Sanity and Courage, Saint JK Rowling — but you will be burned at the stake if you dare question their doctrine, or even if you merely ask for evidence-based proof in a Twitter spat.

Wokie-Talkie

The particular speech of Woke activists and critical theorists, often deploying auto-antonyms. For instance, “diversity casting” for the most part means only casting Black women in roles that were specifically or traditionally written for Whites in the source material; likewise, “inclusivity” only applies to a limited spectrum of people, none of whom are conservatives or Whites. As for “equity,” speak to your investment banker. We’ll wait by the hotdog stand.

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