I was motivated, I was driven.  Educated.  Physically, morally, and spiritually fit.  Though I still have purpose in this life, it is largely responsibility-driven; had I no responsibilities, I think I would wither and starve and cease to exist.  Today I lack the self-drive I once had, the drive that made me try everything, do everything, and stay positive, Engaged, and focused on whatever I put my mind to.

How do you motivate an ex-motivator?  What person, what words can be used to revive me, that I haven't used to lift other people throughout my life, only to find myself swept into bitterness and doubt and cynicism?  Everything is the same.  It dies and reincarnates under a different name for a different generation. 

How can I again become energized and enthusiastic about fitness?  In my lifetime, I have run roughly 10,000 miles, cycled half as much, swam at least 200 miles and worked out with the best of them, engaged in all manner of physical activity from lifting to boxing to jiu-jitsu, muay thai and MMA, jeet kun do, Marine Corps LINE training & MC Martial Arts, Greco-Roman wrestling, football, baseball, tennis, squash, water polo, basketball, golf... you name it.  I've earned medals and ace PR's and instructed and managed and coached.  Music doesn't push me anymore.  People can't push me anymore.  So how?

God is undeniably ever-present in my life.  But I can't stand Christians, or generally the followers of any religion, sect, or denomination thereof.  They're so blind!  I still see tracts and roll my eyes.  I still get asked if I know God's plan for salvation.  Every member of every church believes that their church is the best, that it's different, that it's real and new and relevant and engaging and perfect for all people.  That their pastor is awesome.  It's hip, it's "non-denominational." It's bullshit.  God exists in love... in real, person-to-person, genuine care--and that also means admonition--of people you don't know and who aren't part of your group and who can give nothing in return.  That's it, pure and simple.  The Word of God is pure.  But the translation thereof still has people fucked up.  They argue the details of baptism.  Of the end times, and the rapture.  Of the creation of the world.  Of how to pray, or praise, or dress.  The terminology is regurgitated ad nauseum.  Spirit-filled.  Religion is man-made.  Speaking in tongues.  Association with Israel.  They worship the teachings of Paul.  They stop preaching and teaching the relevance of old covenant / old law / old Testament (except Psalms and Proverbs, everyone loves those books).  They sing unto the Lord new songs, and forget the old.  They ignore the HUMANITY of the prophets and Bible heroes, and the profitable wisdom that comes from study.  When the Spirit of the Lord moves in my heart, I will murder a man to sleep with his wife, just like David did.

How do I care again?  Who but the Lord, through a literal bolt of lightning, can ignite my soul?