They say there are two guarantees in life: death and taxes. When you experience the former, chances are you’ll have someone out there mourning or celebrating your departure from the mortal plane. (Celebrating being more likely if your job involved auditing taxes.) After all, funerals are for the living to make peace with their mortality and eat cake. 

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

As for us, we think it’s best to laugh in the face of death like comedians do. And so, here are some of the funniest jokes about funerals for you to have played at yours (whenever that may be)...

15 Ian Bagg’s Funeral Marketing Advice

“‘Gentle Water Cremation’? That is nothing like ‘Dave’s Funeral and Such.’ I don’t know if you fucking know how cremations work, but there is no fucking water involved!”

14 ‘Saturday Night Live’s Funeral Sketch

Sometimes, a funeral can turn into a Craigslist ad real quick.

13 Earthquake on Watching Aretha Franklin’s Funeral on TV

“That funeral was so long they turned off my cable. They said this funeral went through two billing cycles!”

12 ‘Friday Night’ on ‘I Think You Should Leave’

Tim Robinson shows how the power of music plays a critical part in the healing process.

11 Leslie Jones’ Funeral Plans

“First off, it’s gonna be an open casket because I’m gonna be naked. It’s the last time everybody is gonna see me, so I want them to see it all!”

10 ‘King of the Hill's Burial Disaster

Hank and the gang display the importance of picking good pallbearers.

9 Funeral Ball

A Black Lady Sketch Show knows that a funeral can be dour, so sometimes it’s best to have a fashionable ball that is just funeral-themed.

8 Paul Rodriguez on Mexican Funerals

“Our funerals are different, you know why? Because Mexican funerals are catered! A lot of homeless people go to Mexican funerals just for the food. You don’t believe me? God forbid, should your life ever go south, pick up the paper and look at the obituaries. Whenever there is like a grandma that dies, like a Garcia or a Gonzalez, you know there’s gonna be good eating.”

7 Brick’s Funeral in ‘Anchorman 2’

Poor Brick. We’re just glad that he got to see his funeral before he leaves us forever.

6 Benny Hill’s Funeral

Robot Chicken didn’t exist when Benny Hill died, but this stop-motion version of his funeral proceedings honored his humor post-mortem.

5 Neal Brennan on His Expensive Funeral

“I’m going to gather my kids around my deathbed and be like, ‘Look kids, I’m going to pay for my own funeral; whatever is left over you can split up amongst yourselves. Then I’m going to have the most expensive funeral in the history of death. I’m going to have a platinum casket with my name written in diamonds on the side. My Social Security number, too, because fuck it, I’m dead now. What are they gonna do with it?”

4 Dead Acquaintance

Key & Peele visit that awkward moment when an acquaintance’s ghost appears in the graveyard when you’re there to mourn someone else. You know, that old trope.

3 Superman’s Funeral

Saturday Night Live sent Superman off to the great beyond the only way it can (but it’s okay since superheroes can’t stay dead anyway).

2 Bernie Mac on the Difference Between Black and White Funerals

1 Christopher Titus’ Dad Had Elaborate Funeral Wishes

If you’ve seen his stand-up and Fox sitcom, you know that Titus had a contentious relationship with his father from Titus’ birth until his father’s death. You’re gonna have to listen to see if Titus went through with putting his father’s ashes into a douche and paying a sex worker to… Well, just listen.

Scroll down for the next article