While you wouldn’t think it at the outset, King of the Hill has some hilariously venomous barbs — whether they originate from Hank’s rage, Peggy’s wit, Cotton’s fury or Kahn’s… well, Kahnness. In particular, here are 13 of the most devastating insults and jabs from the heart of Arlen, Texas. Stick them in your back pocket — along with some sand, of course — for the next you really need to cut someone down to size…

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13 Hank on Christian Rock

“Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity any better? You’re just making rock & roll worse.”

12 Peggy on Her Doctor

“A doctor once told me I’d never walk again. Now, not only am I walking, but I hear his marriage is starting to go south.”

11 Hank to the Smoking Counselor

“Look at your little birdy arms. They’re no thicker than a cigarette. I could smoke them little arms!” 

10 Cotton’s “Compliment” of Hank’s Parenting

“Hell, if it’s a contest on who’s the better daddy, you win. I mean, you made Bobby. All I made was you.”

9 Bobby on White People

8 Dale on Joseph’s Alien Heritage

Joseph: You’re telling me I’m from outer space? Like E.T.?
Dale: Actually, no. He was a purebred alien with a heart of gold. You’re only half-alien and, at times, can be a tad self-absorbed.

7 Hank on Dallas

“Dallas? I don’t want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crackheads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.”

6 Hank Translating Kahn’s Insult

5 Kahn to Hank at Mega Lo Mart

“Hey Hank Hill, what you doing in plumbing aisle? Need new crescent moon stencil for outhouse?”

4 Hank on Ward Rackley

“He’s going to live with his mother until she dies. And probably for a few weeks after.”

3 Minh on Peggy’s Feet

2 Hank on Soccer

“Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”

1 Cotton on Hank’s Neck

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