What do you get for the person who has everything? 

It’s a hard question at the best of times, but made even harder when the “everything” in question includes nuclear codes. World leaders sometimes become genuinely good friends, but a lot of the time they’re more like managers of different departments who keep getting brought to the same meetings. They spend hundreds of hours in one another’s company and know a lot about one another’s roles, but it’s not like they’re sharing a joint and watching Hot Rod together, or leaning up against a fence with a few beers, or any of the other things proper friends do.

However, they find themselves having to give each other gifts a lot. Official gifts, too, chronicled as matters of public record and scrutinized to a crazy degree — they can’t cross the line from “show of mutual respect” to “outright bribe,” you see, so in the U.S. anything worth more than $390 (unless the President wants to pay the difference themselves) is passed onto the Protocol Gift Unit and usually ends up in a museum somewhere. (Well, not always — several presidents have accidentally forgotten to pass their gifts on, or pay the excess, and just kinda taken a whole load of shit.)

With the sheer amount of gift-giving, and the pressure added to everything by the world’s eyes, it’s no wonder world leaders sometimes present themselves with crappy, underwhelming, poorly-thought-through or simply bizarre gifts.

15 One Hump or Two?

French President Francois Hollande received a camel in 2013 as thanks for his efforts in Mali. Unable to take it home unvaccinated, he left it with a Malinese family, who — and there’s no gentle way to phrase this — ate it. (Source)

14 Nothing Says ‘Cheap Gag Gift’ Like ‘the Constant Threat of Nuclear Apocalypse’

When Hillary Clinton was secretary of state, she gave her Russian counterpart Sergei Lavrov a silly-looking big red button — real Carrot Top, prop-comedy shit. It said “reset” in English, and due to unfortunate mistranslation, “Overload” in Russian, muddying its message somewhat. (Source)

13 Toodle Pip, Here’s a Big Bag of Bloomin’ Bollocks

Former U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson gave gifts like a divorced dad hitting up a rest stop on Christmas morning. In 2021 he gave Joe Biden two dog bowls, a couple of blankets and a photo someone else took of a cool mural. (Source)

12 That’s Not an Insurance Policy, This Is an Insurance Policy

On a state visit to Australia, the Obamas were presented with a crocodile insurance policy that would have given Michelle a cool 50 grand if Barack was eaten by a croc. That wouldn’t have been a very g’day. (Source)

11 The Bulgarian Rim Job

There’s kissing ass and there’s kissing ass. In 2002, Bulgarian President Georgi Parvanov presented George W. Bush with, along with a dog named Balkan, the Bulgarian-language book The Leadership Genius of George W. Bush. (Source)

10 What’s the Hardest Thing About Being a Rollerblader?

In 2008, Dutch Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende gave George W. Bush everything a leader of the free world would need if they wished, at 62, to get really into rollerblading: blades, helmet, pads, everything. COOL. (Source)

9 The Pencil Is Pricier Than the Sword

Barack Obama was once given the unimpressive-sounding gift of a pencil by European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso. However, it was a Graf von Faber-Castell Perfect Pencil — possibly the only pencil in the world to break the $390 limit. (Source)

8 Wanna Watch ‘Raging Bull’? Tough!

Barack Obama once really shit the gifting bed. U.K. Prime Minister Gordon Brown gave him a pen holder made from the wood of a slaving ship, a reminder of Britain’s problematic history. Obama gave him 25 DVDs, unwatchable on U.K. players. (Source)

7 Astro-naughty Girl!

JFK was given a dog, Pushinka, by Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev in 1961. It was a bit of a fuck-you, though — Pushinka’s mother had been to space, so it was an adorable reminder that Russia was winning the space race. (Source)

6 The Most Dangerous Lizard on Earth? You Shouldn’t Have!

The first President Bush was given nine-foot Komodo dragon by Indonesian President Suharto in 1990. Komodo dragons are amazing but incredibly dangerous — it would be hard if given one not to see it as a fairly bold murder attempt. (Source)

5 Ah, An Ethically Questionable Noah’s Ark Scenario, Just What I Always Wanted

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe once arranged to give North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Il a mating pair of each of Zimbabwe’s rarest animals. However, international outcry at how this would absolutely kill most of them called off the plans. (Source)

4 Would Your Majesty Care for a Brewski from the Hideous Minifridge?

In 1972, President Pompidou of France gave Queen Elizabeth II a wine cooler shaped like a grasshopper. It’s a real room-filler, absolutely fucking hideous and as un-regal as it gets — the kind of thing a 10-year-old brings back from vacation. (Source)

3 The Pleasure Is All Yours

The late Queen herself wasn’t the greatest of gift-givers, presenting Joe Biden with a framed picture of herself. That’s simply not acceptable as a gift, goddamn it. What a show-off. (Source)

2 The War on Rugs

In 1997, Azerbaijani President Heydar Aliyev decided to commemorate a meeting with the Clintons by having a rug made featuring big-ass portraits of the pair of them. Luckily, it didn’t come out weird and creepy at all! (Source)

1 Cheap with the Fishes

Not all official gifts break the bank. On one occasion, the king of Morocco presented George H.W. Bush with a jar of fish bait worth a princely $3. (Source)

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