Three years ago, with the NHL working their way through a very strange bubble postseason, an idea was born. This league and its broadcast partners love to bombard hapless viewers with the same awful commercials, over and over again. But those ads are different depending on which side of the border you’re on, meaning Canadians don’t get to see the ones that are driving Americans crazy, and vice versa.

So I found an American — Sean Gentille — and we agreed to force each other to watch our country’s three most annoying ads, and then react to them in real time. The concept was a hit, thanks to Jim Hughson’s hair, Tony the Tiger’s celly and the infamous Tara Tara earworm. People loved the resulting post, and pretty soon Sean and I were doing national media hits for some reason. We brought the idea back in 2021, featuring the Sportsnet life coach, Rupert the Turtle and a very real Oiler fan who thought Leon Draisaitl was the best in the league. More good times were had.

And then … nothing.

We took last year off. We considered doing that again this year. It’s not that we’re too busy (we are) or that we’ve run out of jokes (we have not). Something more shocking is going on.

For the last couple years, the ads … haven’t been that bad?

Oh, they haven’t been good. But most fans seem to agree that nothing has approached Tara Tara levels of awfulness. And the ads that are bad don’t seem to run quite as often as they used to.

Did … did we do that? Did the world’s biggest advertising firms see us making fun of them, and radically change the way they did business?

We can’t say for sure, so let’s just go ahead and assume that yes, that’s exactly what happened. And if so, we have a duty to keep doing the Lord’s work, if only so that society is never again plunged back to following our dreams into taxidermy.

We’re back, baby. Let’s see where this goes.

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Pregame strategy

McIndoe: The first step in building a solid list of terrible ads is to reach out to the public, and this is where I ran into my first problem. When I tweeted out a call for nominations, one ad was the clear leader: That Rogers commercial where a coffee shop gives out a free cookie and we’re supposed to be inspired. That one really bothers people, to an almost comical degree. But tragically, Rogers seems to know this, because despite airing the ad constantly through the playoffs, they’ve managed to scrub any versions of it off of the internet. If I can’t show it to Sean, it’s of no use to us. Sorry, cookie haters. (But don’t go thinking you’re off the hook, Rogers.)

I considered making him watch one of those annoyingly obtuse yet uniquely Canadian drug ads, where they’re not allowed to say what the thing does, so it’s just catchy music and vague references. There’s the weekly exercise in the overwrought “Canada’s Got Talent” treacle. And of course, there are the dozens of gambling ads that have infested our hockey coverage over the last year. It’s almost impossible to pick the worst out of that bunch, although it’s fun to imagine the meeting where some executive said “You know who Canadian hockey fans love and respect? Chris Pronger!”

In the end, I went for three brands that have been all over our playoff coverage. My next problem was narrowing it down to just one ad each, which was tougher than it sounds. But this is important work, so I had to persevere.

Gentille: My strategy begins and ends with one thing: earworms. I ruined my guy’s life with the aforementioned Tara a couple years back — look at her go, then and forever — and I’m trying to do it again. “Find something that works, then run it into the ground” is a personal mantra.

That means a few otherwise solid contenders had to get the boot. The Pete Davidson “Breakfast With Peter” Taco Bell bit, combined with his Peacock show, have me legitimately worried about whatever buddy’s next step is going to be. Also, the performance by co-host Rhonda made the whole thing a little less unfunny, and there’s no earworm to speak of.

The last cut was the Amazon ad starring a young woman who, with the help of Queen and some conspicuous consumption, learns to love her unwanted upper-lip hair. Did you know Olivia Wilde directed that one? I didn’t until a bit before we wrote this, but I’ve never been less surprised in my life. Either way, sometime in early May, I heard “Cool Cat” at a Chipotle and almost broke into tears, but I’ve since healed.

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Commercial No. 1

McIndoe: As always, we begin with a question: Kick or receive?

Gentille: I’ll watch the first one. I want you to watch the final one.

McIndoe: OK, then let me ask you a question before we begin. Are you familiar with the word “wah”?

Gentille: First thought is “wah” as in wah-wah pedals. Second is the sound Lucy makes when Ricky Ricardo forbids her from performing at The Babalu. Something tells me this isn’t a sincere question — or at least not an answerable one — so I’ll say no.

McIndoe: Good, because neither does anyone in Canada. Which is a tough break for one car company, which decided to make “wah” the focus of its entire identity for the last several months. Nobody understands why, but it means that every few ad breaks, we get to see something like this:

Wah!

Gentille: My man is coming in hot, with a campaign centered around pure gibberish right out of the gate.

McIndoe: Seriously, they’re all like this. There’s a new ad every few days and they’re all just them listing things they think you like and then saying “WAH.”

Gentille: Could they not get the rights to “wow”? Is this the car commercial equivalent of, “No, we’ve got ‘wow’ at home”?

McIndoe: I believe there are some versions where they try to tell you that “wah” is “wow,” but yeah, your guess is as good as mine.

Gentille: Are “wah” and “wow” the same thing? No commercial can aspire to greater heights than confusing every person who watches it.

McIndoe: I think the main thing here is that “wah” keeps its head on a swivel. So … it has a head? It’s anthropomorphic in some way?

Gentille: I drove an Elantra for years, and I don’t recall any children stopping their street hockey games to gawk at it. “Wah, look how sensible that Sedan is. Wah, where did you find a 2005 model car with a tape deck?”

McIndoe: I do want to give them credit for one thing: With Zach Hyman, they absolutely nailed how to use an NHL player in a commercial. Give him zero lines, get him off-screen as quickly as possible, and use a subtitle on the assumption that nobody will know who he is.

Gentille: “Is that Johnny Manziel?”

McIndoe: By the way, there’s another Wah ad that features Mark Schiefele in the exact same way. It’s like they went out and said “Go get me the fourth-best player from as many Canadian teams as we can afford, which is to say two.”

Gentille: Here’s where it kind of works, though: All I want to do now is scream “Stop trying to make ‘wah’ happen” at Hyundai like I’m Regina George — and that’s better than not remembering a commercial whatsoever.

McIndoe: Uh oh, somebody call the wah-mbulance. (Which is also electric. And driven by Zach Hyman.)

OK, your turn.

Gentille: I’m going with one that hit peak saturation early in the playoffs, during NHL and NBA playoff games. Taco Bell couldn’t put Pete on the board, but they still made it with this one.

McIndoe: Could they … not afford video cameras for this one? “Just take a few photos, it will be fine.”

Gentille: Sexy young people love Taco Bell, too. This makes it seem like TB is their destination for the evening, not the place they’d wind up at 3:30 a.m., begging to be let inside. (That might’ve just been me.)

McIndoe: “Hey man, can you get us into that hot new dining spot everyone is raving about, the hood of your car?”

Gentille: Watch it again, though. Imagine hearing “Let’s eat yah yah” at every commercial break for everything you watched on TV for several weeks.

McIndoe: Yeah, pardon my old man vibes, but is this a real song or something they made for this ad? It’s dangerously close to the “one margarita” thing on TikTok right now but I feel like that must be a coincidence.

Gentille: Look at grandpa! He’s never heard “Feast” by Bludnymph! (I Googled “let’s eat yah yah taco bell.” The song came out in 2021.)

McIndoe: That is definitely my new favorite Bludnymph song.

Gentille: Everywhere I go, people are like “wow, what’s your favorite Bludnymph song?” and I’m just like … you have no idea.

McIndoe: Also, I have to mention how much I respect you Americans and your willingness to stick with the “put cheese on everything in any way possible” bit.

Gentille: Oh, it’s a legitimate business model down here. Phone companies use it, too. Banks. Fire departments.

McIndoe: OK, hear me out. Are you sitting down? What if we went with: “Let’s eat, wah wah.”

Gentille: I was going to say that up top, but I knew we’d make our way to it eventually.

McIndoe: Time for Round 2?

Gentille: Let’s go.

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Commercial No. 2

McIndoe: For my second ad, I’m going to say right off the top that it’s not awful. It even has a certain sense of charm. I’m choosing it for two reasons: It plays constantly, like every few breaks, and Rogers has made a lot of people very mad this year with their advertising, so they need to be mocked somehow. And if I have to dunk on a child to do it, you better believe I will.

Gentille: We’ve seen this sort of thing before; my inclination is to say “eh, that’s fine” and move on because I don’t have the baggage that comes with watching the same clip 15 times each game. My other assumption is that you’re biased against dads getting outsmarted by their daughters. Hits close to home.

McIndoe: You’re 100 percent right. He’s just trying to be nice, and the kid is all snotty about it. Play along, you little brat. This ad should end with him turning the TV off and sending her to her room.

Gentille: And then dad gets his laptop and works on the OGWAC post, because it’s running the next morning.

McIndoe:  In the 60-second version, sure. Also, doesn’t this feel like a wasted opportunity to have the kid start naming things that would never appear on a TV? Like, “a Senators playoff game” or “Gary Bettman giving a straight answer”?

Gentille: In his last act as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Kyle Dubas asked the Rogers remote for “Shanahan money.”

McIndoe: Oh, you’re going to want to save those Leaf jokes for section three, my friend.

By the way, if any of you Americans are mad that this commercial wasn’t bad enough, feel free to click on this Rogers ad from the winter. Seriously, go ahead and do it. I encourage it. See how that goes for you.

(But seriously don’t click it, you will regret it forever.)

Gentille: Too late. Go ask Shayna to finish up for me.

McIndoe: Can I just say that as the father of a teenage daughter, that girl cheerily playing along with her dad singing at her is the most unrealistic thing ever filmed?

OK, hit me with your second ad.

Gentille: The visuals on this one from Cadillac are fine, and I’m a little concerned — yet again — that you have to hear it every hour on the hour to get the full effect, but I can’t omit it, either. It’s a late rise. People in my Twitter mentions are really, really sick of this one.

McIndoe: For the record, I am one viewing in and I do not like this song already.

Gentille: But Labrinth composed the score for “Euphoria”! That makes him good!

McIndoe: I’ll take your word for it.

Gentille: Nothing makes me feel older than stuff like that — “Oh, Cadillac x Labrinth. I definitely know what that means.”

McIndoe: Is this guy the American Weeknd, or does it go the other way around?

Gentille: The American Weeknd is just Weeknd. He’s ours now, for good or ill.

McIndoe: Man, look at us just hammering away on electric cars today. Just a couple of grumpy old guys longing for the days of diesel.

Gentille: If you’re looking for a classic North American vehicle — not a cowardly electric car with a French name — just wait.

McIndoe: I did something that nobody should ever do, and looked in the YouTube comment section. People seem to love this ad. Like, more than anyone on the internet likes anything. I’m not accusing Cadillac of anything here, but this all seems faker than Bettman’s fan surveys.

Gentille: That’s exactly what I’m talking about! Labrinth scored a zeitgeist TV show, collaborated with Beyoncé and has individual songs on Spotify that have been streamed more than a half-billion times. I had no idea who he was until I saw this during, like, Game 3 of Devils-Canes. You could’ve told me that model Cadillac is called the Labrinth and I’d have had no choice but to agree.

McIndoe: Are we so out of touch? No, it’s the children who are wrong, he said, quoting a TV scene from nearly 30 years ago.

OK, time for Round 3.

Gentille: I’m following the pattern and guessing this one features a teenage girl spitting in her dad’s face.

McIndoe: Close!

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Commercial No. 3

McIndoe: OK, so imagine you’re an ad executive for a major account. You’ve got the green light to do an ad that’s going to run constantly during the NHL playoffs. You’re going to try to be funny, so you really want to put a smile on the face of those viewers. Who would you say is the single person most associated with bringing joy to Canadian hockey fans during April and May?

If you said Mitch Marner, you’re right!

Oh, and since that one is only 15 seconds long, let’s make this a two-fer:

Gentille: Ohhh no.

McIndoe: Go on. Let us in. Feel your way through it.

Gentille: Not a surprise to see a hockey player point at themselves and say “right winger.”

McIndoe: Also not a surprise to see Mitch Marner only doing half of what he should do in the spring.

Gentille: “Mitch, we’ve only got a certain amount to spend on dinner, s—”

“I want wings.”

“Right, but those are, like, the most expensive thing on the menu. If you order those we’re not going to be able to afford beers or dessert.”

“Yep, but I want wings.”

“We’ll be able to get a lot more food if you pick something else, though.”

“I bet we could. My wings are gonna taste great.”

McIndoe: Also, it’s really unfortunate his endorsement deal mandated that he use that little fork-stick for the entire Panthers series.

Gentille: He could just start eating from the right side — then every wing would be a right wing. Alas, someone designed a commercial around the first joke that came to mind and forced poor Mitch to pick up two wings at once, like nobody has ever done.

McIndoe: Rumor is they asked Elias Pettersson to do the ad, but he found it too confusing to have two decent wings.

Gentille: It’s cool that he got to reenact these commercials on his couch during the Eastern Conference final.

McIndoe: Did somebody say, skip … all the meaningful playoff rounds every year?

Gentille: Skip The Dishes. Hell, skip the Cups too.

McIndoe: Just for the record, I really went back and forth on the “which underachieving Leaf gets the three-spot” question. I came very close to going with this Auston Matthews ad instead. If it’s possible to try way too hard to look like you’re not trying at all, here’s your prototype.

Gentille: Unfortunately, Sergei Bobrovsky heard his “make it count.”

McIndoe: OK, this is getting too painful. Let’s bring in the closer.

Gentille: Last one. Who doesn’t love trucks, tortured metaphors and country songs?

McIndoe: Oh boy. They play this one a lot, do they?

Gentille: Oh, I think I’ve seen it go back-to-back. It was the people’s champ by a healthy margin.

Forget the content for a second — something about the cadence of the opening couple lines is ruining people’s lives.

McIndoe: Yeah, I would absolutely get rage chills if I had to hear those first few seconds more than once a night.

Gentille: “Ma’am, the test results are back, and I’m sorry … you’ve got a heart like a truck.”

McIndoe: This whole song sounds like a mom explaining to her kids why she won’t be around much longer.

Gentille: That’s apparently a well-known song, too. I was so psyched to hear her specify that her Truck Heart runs on gasoline.

McIndoe: I’m not up on my country, how old is this song? Because it feels like it was 100 percent written just to end up in a truck commercial.

Gentille: I think that’s why most country songs are written. Looks like it came out last year … also Heart Truck Lady dates legendary Steelers third-string QB Duck Hodges. Worlds are colliding here.

McIndoe: So she has a heart like a Duck?

Gentille: She’s on “Yellowstone,” too? Another car commercial featuring an extremely famous person that I’ve never heard of? What a world! That’d be like finding out that someone from the Hyundai commercial goes out with David Ayers.

McIndoe: I mean, I made you watch ads with Mitch Marner and Auston Matthews, it’s nice to know that somebody in Section 3 has some kind of heart.

Hey, by the way, I watched that ad maybe three times and this song is absolutely stuck in my head right now. I think I might want to hurt you.

Gentille: Sorry brother — I know you’ve taken a hell of a beating. A little bit of love is all that you’re needing. But you’re good as you are tough.

McIndoe: I think the best way to describe my feelings right now would be: The complete opposite of wah.

Gentille: Let’s eat yah yah.

McIndoe: Better idea, let’s never do this again.

Gentille: You’ve said that before. See you next year.

(Photo of Vegas’ Chandler Stephenson and Florida’s Aleksander Barkov facing off in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Final: Sean M. Haffey / Getty Images)