Indie films have a charm of their own, and a big part of their appeal is that they are mostly experimental in terms of cinematography, narrative style, and characterization. Without a major studio setting in their heads dictating the terms to make the project as commercial as it can be, Indie filmmakers usually are driven by a passion for making the film in its true essence. One such film in recent times is “It is In Us All,” an Irish independent film written and directed by Antonia Campbell Hughes. Antonia is an actor, and this happens to be her first venture as a filmmaker. While we wouldn’t go as far as to say that she has created a masterpiece out of thin air, there are a few things about the film that needs to be discussed.

At its core, “It is In Us All” is based on the themes of identity, death, and obsession, but it isn’t bound to one rule of filmmaking and takes several turns and twists. The film talks about Hamish, who is tracing the path of his deceased mother in Northwest Ireland and shifts there to understand something about her and more about himself. He begins to live on his family property there and spends his time all alone, either travelling or curled up in the unfurnished home. His state of mind and being is perfectly established in his surroundings, and we immediately connect with this loner, who is perhaps reeling through undiagnosed depression or guilt of some sort. We don’t immediately know. We wait for the film to unfold bit by bit to get to know our protagonist better. In the pursuit of this, we join him through the haunted roads of this faraway Irish rural land. The slow pace of the film perfectly familiarizes us with the surroundings and the settings, and we become comfortable with them. Actor Cosmo Jarvis perfectly portrays the lonely, stoic man who is hard to read.

“It is In Us All” holds this steady pace until Evan barges into Hamish’s life. Evan is a 17-year-old boy who is full of life. Completely in contrast with Hamish’s brooding, silent self, this young boy is brimming with energy. Evan’s car crashes into Hamish’s, and while Hamish is relatively unharmed, another teenager in Evan’s car dies. Finally, Hamish breaks down in the hospital as the combined internal suffering of his mother and this accident allow him to let go of his emotions. He tries to remove his cast and gets discharged from the hospital early. The way he tries to remove the cast prematurely makes the scene brutal; it is symbolic of shifting his focus to physical pain from his inner conundrum. In the meantime, he becomes acquainted with Evan, the teen survivor of the car crash. We are not told whether Evan will play a massive role in Hamish’s life from this point on. By this point, the film has taught us enough lessons in patience that we just sit and wait to see whether it will be where the conflict begins in the story.

As it turns out, all we have in the name of conflict in this slow-burn of a film is the character played by the writer-director herself, Antonia Campbell Hughes. She plays the mother of the deceased teen who was riding in the car with Evan. She happens to be the only female presence in the entire film, other than the shadow of Hamish’s mother, which sort of travels with him all the time. Hamish and Evan come closer to each other in the most unexpected ways. Perhaps, for Evan, Hamish represents masculinity, the urge to be free, or the very simple fact that opposites attract. There are ample signs that Evan is, in fact, obsessed with Hamish and even has some sort of sexual attraction toward the much older man. Hamish exercises restraint, and his toxic sense of masculinity somehow holds him back from embracing Evan’s love for him. However, in an eerie way, Evan seems familiar to Hamish since the former belongs to his mother’s hometown, which makes Hamish familiarize himself with Evan, hang out with his friends, and spend a lot of time together.

“It is In Us All” takes a harsh look at modern-day masculinity and how it strangles men from truly embracing their true selves, breaking down in public, smiling, and having warm relationships with other men in their families. Through the course of the story, we are also introduced to Hamish’s father, who’s sitting in Hong Kong, and we come to know that Hamish doesn’t share a very good relationship with his father. Perhaps it was the inciting incident of his mother’s death that created this rift between the two, but its presence follows Hamish everywhere. Somehow, Evan, full of sexual and adventurous energy, introduces Hamish to a side of him that he is too afraid to embrace.

The memories of that car crash haunt Hamish till the very end, and he gets tired of Evan not being affected by it as much as he should have been since he was the one responsible for the crash. Hamish finally breaks down in the car with Evan and attempts to convince Evan of his wrongdoing. But by now, Hamish has realized that Evan is not capable of feeling any guilt, which further takes Hamish into a frenzy of depression, which eventually ends up killing him. As the music swells up in the end, we see Hamish driving, taking his hand off his steering wheel, which causes his death and puts an end to all his sufferings.

“It is In Us All” is an exercise in restraint, guilt, and masculinity and handles all these subjects very well. It feels as if we know in the first 5 minutes of the film that this story will end with Hamish’s demise. With him ends the accumulated guilt of never making up with his father, or not knowing his mother as much as he should have, or the mother of the teenager who died in the car crash. Hamish got closure, and so did we. We don’t feel remorse over his death; we feel somewhat relieved. Not because Hamish deserved that ending, but because he needed it.

“It is In Us All” is an Irish independent film written and directed by Antonia Campbell Hughes.