Christmas is a time for joy. Christmas is a time for hope. Christmas is a time for love. Christmas is a time for miracles. Do you know what would be a miracle this Christmas? If you filth-mongers and fornicators would stop sinning for just one damn minute! Every time you sin, the Goddess kills a reindeer. The stench of your sin is so strong this festive period that it is overpowering even the wonderful aroma of the festive feast that Amihan, my Filipino twink houseboy Sister Mary, our beloved choir leader, is preparing for me, the most reverend Reverend.

However as you insist on sinning even now, at this most holy of times, it falls to me to once more spread the Last Movie Outpost Confession Booth wide open, ready to receive a massive load of sin from each and every one of you, my disgusting flock. Do not fear, because even at Christmas the Godddess Gal Gadot grows hungry and anticipates feasting on your sins. She’s going to need to limber up and cool down for this one…

Hark for she approaches with a commandment. As this truly is a most joyous and wonderful time of the year, her desires grow varied. She does not want to taste your sin, she wishes to feat on your joy. It truly is a Christmas miracle! Today’s, very special Christmas confession asks:

What was your most positive movie going experience of the year?

We are in uncharted territory here, Outposters. We truly have no idea what may be about to happen as you fill her with your joy. Either way, you must confess. CONFESS!

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