Respond to these rapid questions in our Inside quiz and we will tell you which Inside character you are. Play it now.

“Inside” has an intriguing premise that you can picture any number of talented filmmakers making a meal out of. The issue is that the film’s director, Vasilis Katsoupis, is clearly not one of them. As a result, the film never comes together as a satisfying whole, leaving most viewers as hungry for something of substance as the hapless protagonist whose misadventures they have just spent the preceding 105 minutes observing. Nemo (Willem Dafoe), an art thief, is the main. As the story starts, he has just been dropped off by unidentified handlers at a massive New York penthouse apartment. Nemo swiftly grabs nearly all of the Egon Schiele paintings he’s there to take after disabling the security alert, but just as he’s about to leave, the security system malfunctions and locks everything down. The supervisor informs Nemo that he is on his own and then vanishes. After failing to break a window and cut through the ornate front door, Nemo knows he is trapped.

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That’s bad, but as he quickly discovers, things are about to get a lot worse. Although the apartment is filled with priceless works of art and bric-a-brac (the end credits name them as other films do with the songs on the soundtrack), there is little in the place that suggests humans actually live there. The fridge is nearly empty (though it does kindly play “Macarena” whenever the freezer is opened), the plumbing is turned off, and the only sources of water are a pool, the indoor garden’s automatic watering system, and a couple of large fish tanks. (and you can probably guess the fate of the fish that they contain). As if that weren’t enough, the fritzing control system causes the temperature to fluctuate between broiling highs and freezing lows apparently at random. But you shouldn’t waste any more time and start this Inside quiz. Nemo knows he’s in for a long journey. But that doesn’t deter his resolve to flee, which he accomplishes mainly by jerry-rigging the apartment’s furnishings into a tower that he ascends in the hopes of busting through the skylight high above. In between those intense and occasionally excruciating efforts, as the days seem to blend into weeks, he distracts himself to alleviate the pains of isolation. He puts on a fake cooking show (demonstrating how to make pasta without a functioning stove) and makes up tales about the other building residents he can see through the security camera but who are unaware he is there. The effect is similar to what Matt Damon experienced in “The Martian,” with the difference that it all takes place in a setting worth enough money to fund a substantial portion of a Mars mission on its own.

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Back to what I was saying about other filmmakers possibly creating something out of Katsoupis and screenwriter Ben Hopkins’ setup here. While watching “Inside” and finding it unsatisfying, I was struck by three separate directors who could have done wonders with the material. For example, I can see Jerry Lewis transforming it into a possibly brilliant work of sustained solo slapstick as he demolishes the place while attempting to escape. (If you don’t believe me, watch the incredible opening scene to his final directorial effort, “Cracking Up,” in which he accidentally destroys his psychiatrist’s waiting room with klutzy moves, a waxed floor, and a bag of M&M’s.) On the other hand, I can see the story as a kind of existential arthouse (no pun meant) horror film from the likes of Michael Haneke—sort of like what would happen if he was unexpectedly hired to direct the third “Escape Room” film. Finally, I would have liked to see this idea in the hands of the late great Larry Cohen, who was known for films with audacious premises like this and could have properly navigated the moves into sociological commentary about the literal and metaphorical worth of art. Also, you will find out which character are you in this Inside quiz. Your mileage may vary with regard to the filmmakers I’ve mentioned, but they all contribute distinct points of view to their work that makes them distinct and intriguing. Katsoupis, on the other hand, does not appear to have anything interesting to say about his main story or its subtext about the values people place on art. As a result, “Inside” becomes little more than a cruel exercise as we watch Nemo struggle to escape his apparent destiny, and while some of the individual moments are darkly humorous, they don’t add up to much. It all comes to a close in a way that I believe is intended to be slightly symbolic (I kid—Ruben stlund himself might find it too obvious), but which is likely to leave most viewers feeling seriously underwhelmed.

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One of the best aspects of “Inside” is also one of the reasons it doesn’t quite work, and that is Dafoe’s portrayal. Don’t get me wrong: he’s riveting in what is basically a one-man show, navigating Nemo’s inner journey from despair to resignation to some kind of grace with the intensity of a roller coaster. But this is the kind of wild, let-it-all-hang-out work we know Dafoe is capable of, and as a consequence, his descent into savagery has a familiar ring to it. Casting a more famously laid-back actor and putting them through the wringer found here might have been more successful. Cast George Clooney as Nemo, build it up like another slick “Ocean’s Eleven”-style romp, and then have him lick the inside of an empty freezer for nourishment. Also, you must try to play this Inside quiz. “Inside” is made with some obvious skill and craft (the apartment is a wonder of production design), but they serve a story that is nowhere near as profound or audacious as it thinks it is. The film has its moments, and Dafoe gives it his all, but there’s a hollowness that makes the whole thing forgettable—the cinematic equivalent of buying a piece of art solely because it matches your sofa. Today in cinemas.

For more personality quizzes check this: Breeding Difficulty Quiz.

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