90+ Funny Jokes about Men
Here is a beautiful collection of Funny Jokes about men, extracted from the stunning collection of author ‘Harris Billigon’. Its whole attribute goes to the original author. Obviously, Funny Jokes about men and Funny Jokes for adults are very popular topics because both men and women like to Joke about men. These funniest dirty jokes presented here are only for the amusement and entertainment of our readers. So read and enjoy here these Funny Jokes about men.
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Q: What's the difference between a man and a condom?
A: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
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Q: What's the most comfortable sleeping position of a man?
A: Around.
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Q: What do a penis and an ego have in common?
A: All men have one!
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Q: What makes a man think about dinner by candlelight?
A: A power failure.
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Q: There are three words to ruin a man's ego...
A: "Is it in?"
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Q: What is the difference between a man and a vulture?
A: A vulture waits until you're dead before ripping your heart out.
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Q: How can you tell if your man is happy?
A: Who cares?
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Q: How many knees do men really have?
A: 3.... left knee, right knee, and their wee-knee.
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Q: When would you want a man's company?
A: When he owns it.
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Q: What do you give a man with everything?
A: Penicillin.
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Q: Why do only 15 percent of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went; it would be called hell.
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Q: What do you call a guy who Masturbates more than twice a day?
A: A Terrorist
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Q: What do you call a man with an opinion?
A: Wrong.
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Q: Why don't women blink during sex?
A: There isn't enough time.
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Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.
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Q: Why do so few men end up in Heaven?
A: They never stop to ask directions.
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Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
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Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys watching a football game.
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Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
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Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.
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Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
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Q: Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job?
A: He still ends up with the same boss.
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Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their DNA.
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Q: What do you call a married man vacuuming?
A: Doing what he's told...
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Q: Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis?
A: Because they're stuck in adolescence.
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Q: Why are Good Men like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are already taken!
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Q: Why are men like cars?
A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is Cumming.
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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
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Q: How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
A: Two - if you slice them very thinly.
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Q: Why did the man keep going in circles?
A: He didn't get the point.
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Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they are pigs.
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Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: none. the lady should already have it opens on the table!
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
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Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A: We cook - they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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Q: What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth?
A: A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
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Q: How do males exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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Q: What are a married man's two greatest assets?
A: This is a closed mouth and an open wallet.
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Q: What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs?
A: They take a lot of lip and they don't talk back.
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Q: What do you call 3 guys fighting over a slut?
A: Tug-of-whore.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
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Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: They don't have penises to keep them in!
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Q: What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A: All invented by women.
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Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
A: Because men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
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Q: Why did God invent men?
A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
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Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.
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Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
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Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do so much better.
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Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Bonds mature.
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Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
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Q: How is a man like a used car?
A: Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
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Q: How do you stop a man from raping you?
A: Throw him the remote control.
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Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
A: A barbecue.
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Q: What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A: A pizza and a six-pack.
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Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Patient!
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Q: What is the difference between a man and a tree?
